Sign In:

×

Last Step!

Please enter your public display name and a secure password.

Plan to post in the forums? Change your default forum handle here!

×
×

Mad Pow Disease Ravages Western Ski Towns

A ski town lies dormant after a severe Mad Pow outbreak earlier this winter. Flickr Creative Commons photo.

RENO, Nev. — The fight against Mad Pow Disease entered a new and terrifying phase Thursday, when the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) issued public health warnings to most western states, as well as ordering a full quarantine of the Tahoe Basin, which is currently fighting a large-scale outbreak.

Responding to the Mad Pow quarantine, marooned Tahoe residents overwhelmed local convenience stores, buying up snorkels, beer and beacon batteries. Tahoe's black market index reported a 1,000% spike in both marijuana and pizza delivery sales.

RELATED: Man Suffers Stoke Attack After Big Dump

Doctors have been alarmed with the severity of the contagion, and have asked the public to be on the lookout for Mad Pow symptoms such as frothing, not going to work, heavy apres drinking and compulsive NOAA forecast checking.

But CDC director Robert RipnCrush told TGR that this epidemic is nothing new, and that his agency has been battling Mad Pow ever since early December.

“This winter has been a disaster,” RipnCrush said. “Nobody is going to work, or paying taxes, or anything... Our clinical studies indicate Mad Pow causes terrible FOMO and anxiety in the mornings. But around midday, people just get 'stoked.' Then, in the evening, the infected get tired and go to sleep. It’s sad what’s happening to these communities!”

Tahoe's black market index reported a 1,000% spike in both marijuana and pizza delivery sales.

When asked when they expected the quarantine to be lifted, the CDC responded with a written statement explaining that they have no definitive timeframe, but also claimed outbreaks may be causally related to overall climactic conditions.

“Historically, Mad Pow Disease sets in during the coldest winter months, but as spring sets in, and temperatures climb, it gradually dissipates," the statement reads. But some years, we see late-season spikes, especially in March and April.”

From The Column: The Bumion

Tahoe?? Picture at top looks a lot like it was taken from Elk Ave in CB and that mountain looks pretty familiar too. Just saying. I know, it’s semantics.

Play
READ THE STORY
The Dirtbag Squatter: Ski Town Caricatures
Up Next Culture

The Dirtbag Squatter: Ski Town Caricatures

The Dirtbag Squatter: Ski Town Caricatures

As fall fades and snow paints the landscape, countless mountain folk begin to feel the existential tug of winter. But there’s one type of outdoor enthusiast who’s commitment trumps all the rest. Masters of the art of discomfort, these individuals are known by many names: vagrant, gypsy, transient, bohemian, but most of the time, these restless wanderers prefer their given moniker: The Dirtbag. Styling out destitution like a badge of honor, poverty hasn’t looked this good since the Buddha

Play
READ THE STORY
Video: Zac Efron Blows His Knee Cat-Skiing in Utah
Up Next Culture

Video: Zac Efron Blows His Knee Cat-Skiing in Utah

Video: Zac Efron Blows His Knee Cat-Skiing in Utah

Zac Efron's dream of becoming a pro-skier is temporarily on hold. While we don't actually have any evidence that he has (had?) aspirations of becoming a pro, who wouldn't want to ski for a living? Either way, the Wildcats' team captain is sadly laid up following an ACL tear. While in Park City for the Sundance Film Festival, Efron went on a guided-catskiing tour which ended in injury. Don't worry Zac, the TGR crew feels your pain and would like you to know that we're all in this together.

Play
READ THE STORY
Jason Levinthal and J Skis Continue Turning the Ski Industry on its Ear
Up Next Culture

Jason Levinthal and J Skis Continue Turning the Ski Industry on its Ear

Jason Levinthal and J Skis Continue Turning the Ski Industry on its Ear

Those living at the fringes of the American Dream are most likely to shake up the system. And those that live to ski are decidedly living at the fringes of the American Dream. Jason Levinthal, founder of Line Skis and former CEO of Full Tilt boots, undoubtedly lives to ski. Levinthal’s dossier is, in a word, stacked: X Games athlete and medalist; twin-tip pioneer; veteran of the ski industry trenches; serial entrepreneur. But most importantly, like any self-starter with a nose for success,