Sign In:

×

Last Step!

Please enter your public display name and a secure password.

Plan to post in the forums? Change your default forum handle here!

×
×

Mom Says ‘F**k It,’ Reveals Kids’ Dirtbaggery at Upscale Brunch

Tipsy mother of ski bums Connie Williams uses abrasive honesty to confound fellow partygoers into awkward social submission. Flickr Creative Commons photo. 

MARTHA'S VINEYARD, Mass. — A wealthy mother suffered a social shaming Wednesday after she was forced to disclose her two 20-something adult children are complete dirtbags. 

Using euphemisms such as “living the dream” and “30 is the new 20” to describe her kids’ lack of financial and professional ambition, 57-year-old Connie Williams was cornered by several pretentious moms. The ladies forced Williams involvement in a rhetorical pissing contest to determine whose offspring was best meeting capitalism’s standards of success.

RELATED: Man Hospitalized After Contracting Peter Pan Syndrome

According to eyewitnesses, the Maine-based mother quietly listened to her socialite cohorts compare their children’s social and monetary status for approximately 23 minutes (and two-and-a-half double margs) before letting loose.

“I was sick of hearing about their kids’ banking and tech jobs,” Williams told TGR in an exclusive interview, “so I just told those bitches the truth — and it felt good!”

I told them that my kids wash dishes, live in trucks, and ski pow, and then, it got real quiet.

When finally forced to divulge what her children had done with their 20’s, the tipsy mother allegedly pulled no punches.

“I told them that my kids ‘wash dishes, live in trucks and ski pow,’ and then, it got real quiet,” Williams recounted. “They seemed very uncomfortable, and one of them tried to clarify, asking: ‘Yes, but, what do they do…?’ 

Williams then reportedly launched into a 20-minute expose of her children’s dirtbag lifestyles, detailing global travel, mountains climbed, breaks surfed, rivers run, dogs loved, and arrests made. Sources confirmed that during the tirade, each mother crept away until the only person left listening was a dutiful — but equally as wasted — bartender, who was in fact stuck in his stationary location.

Attempts to reach Williams’ kids, Tom and Ali, were unsuccessful. But during her interview with TGR, a proud Williams indicated Tom is somewhere in southwest British Columbia trying to find the Canadian love of his life while riding brown pow, and Ali is in Bali “finding herself” while studying to be a yoga instructor.

From The Column: The Bumion

mildly entertaining sam, just mild

Play
READ THE STORY
Casey Underwood Blends Fine Art With Fly Fishing, Hunting, and More
Up Next Culture

Casey Underwood Blends Fine Art With Fly Fishing, Hunting, and More

Casey Underwood Blends Fine Art With Fly Fishing, Hunting, and More

Drawing from his background in fine art, artist Casey Underwood brings an incredible level of detail and craftsmanship to the outdoor industry. Casey Underwood photo. It’s a classic post-grad move: get your diploma, pack your bags, and go see the world. For artist Casey Underwood, this gap year rite of passage was an opportunity to explore the American West. There wasn’t much of a set agenda, except to fly fish in as many rivers he could find. His station wagon served as a makeshift home

Play
READ THE STORY
How Artist Peter Forsythe Landed His Dream Job With the Grateful Dead
Up Next Culture

How Artist Peter Forsythe Landed His Dream Job With the Grateful Dead

How Artist Peter Forsythe Landed His Dream Job With the Grateful Dead

Designer and artist Peter Forsythe carved out a unique niche in the rock and roll industry, designing t-shirts for some of the most prolific bands. Peter Forsythe photo. We’ve all been asked this same question: What do you want to be when you grow up? For Peter Forsythe, the answer came to him at his first Grateful Dead show in 1981. The music, the culture, and community fascinated him, and more importantly, as a fledgling artist, he saw other artists making a living by selling their

Play
READ THE STORY
Danny Davis, Nick Russell, and More are Shredding Racism with Charity Auction
Up Next Culture

Danny Davis, Nick Russell, and More are Shredding Racism with Charity Auction

Danny Davis, Nick Russell, and More are Shredding Racism with Charity Auction

Looking to upgrade your winter quiver? Here’s your chance to win some incredible boards and skis while fighting racial injustice. Your favorite riders and skiers are auctioning off an impressive selection of gear to support the Black Organizing Project (BOP), a grassroots-led group based in Oakland, California. The organization is a black member-led group that aims to find racial, social, and economic justice through community-building efforts in Oakland, California. Each donation made