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Goat Becomes Latest Victim in Trademark Lawsuit

Editor's Note: This is a work of satire, obviously.

Bill the Goat facing public and corporate scrutiny. Creative Commons photo.

Kimball Junction, UT — A confused mountain goat was caught in the crossfire of the ongoing corporate trademark lawsuits filed by e-commerce retailer Sidecountry.com earlier this week.

The goat in question—a wild resident of Utah’s Wasatch Mountains—was officially served his papers (via BLM official) alleging trademark infringement of the popular e-tailer’s brand identity and logo. Legal representatives tell TGR that the goat, commonly referred to by hikers and land managers as “Bill E.,” intends to fight the charges.

The lawsuit alleges that Bill the Goat “bears striking resemblance to the likeness and bearing of the company’s fictitious brand mascot.”

In a public-facing marketing statement, Sidecountry.com spokesperson Mark Evers says that the company values both its customers and wildlife.

“Nonetheless,” Evers says, “we will crush Bill the Goat, and his majestic locks. Our goal is to punish and deter the defendant and make an example out of him.“

But despite the long odds and having a major corporate adversary, Bill the Goat remains undeterred. Since the lawsuit was unveiled days ago, approximately $1.7 million has been raised through a crowdfunding campaign dubbed #savethegoat organized by concerned citizens.

“Bill the Goat won’t be bullied!” Marcela Clark, an attorney representing the goat defendant, told TGR. “He’s been gallivanting in the high country for years now. And he’s got a right to goat as hard as he wants, wherever he wants!”

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you guys fucking suck at satire. give it up.

Another hard-fought victory of sorts in the IP Wars, far more tragic than the goat, was the revelation last week that someone had trademarked PSILOCYBIN to roars of opposition from stoners confused about why they will face infringement lawsuits unless they strictly adhere to using the legally correct terminology for their shrooms by calling them fungi.

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