Sign In:

×

Last Step!

Please enter your public display name and a secure password.

Plan to post in the forums? Change your default forum handle here!

×
×

TGR Uncovers Ski School Admissions Scandal

Ginger mastermind and Thai food preparer Tony K, poses with one of his ski school students. Sam Morse photo.  

MOUNTAIN TOWN, USA — A TGR investigative unit uncovered a vast plot Thursday spanning multiple resort communities that allowed ski bums to buy their way into early-up gondolas and trams. Multiple 20-somethings are alleged to have posed as pre-teen children in a workaround to gaining access to early morning powder stashes. Charges are currently pending.

The plot, dubbed “diabolical” by authorities, aimed to defraud elite ski schools around the country in a pay-to-play scheme that purportedly netted ginger mastermind and infamous ski town cougar hunter, Tony K, 25, with “hundreds of dollars and several 12 packs of microbrew,” according to redacted police reports.

RELATED: Hot Tub Poacher Brought Down After Interstate Manhunt

One of the suspects, now in lockup, 26-year-old Shredder Morris told TGR upon being apprehended that he had no remorse and would do it all over again in a second.

“Yo, those early-ups trammies were f**king siiiiiiick,” Morris whispered excitedly from his Teton County jail cell. “When that crazy daywalker, TK, said he had the ins on first tracks, I thought he was full of shit.”

According to Morris, the only downside was that he was often stuck in ski school groups with tweens who, while competent, often couldn’t keep up, so there was occasionally some waiting between laps.

The scam was finally busted when attending tram lifties noted that Morris, who is 6’1, was “much taller than the other 10, 11 and 12-year-olds in his ski school group, who, on average, were merely four to five feet tall. “I’m just big for my age—don’t shame me,” he cried as local sherriffs handcuffed him in front of a large parent group.

We brought that sicko down,” he said with venom in his voice. “If I have my way, Tony K will never shred another pow lap again.

In a written statement, ginger mastermind Tony K told TGR that he was planning to appeal the indictment, saying that he was merely trying to create a more equitable powder-skiing/riding atmosphere for ski resorts around the country.

A local sheriff, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said that the suspected mastermind “was a real piece of work,” and would have “the book thrown at him for his despicable ski town crimes.”

“We brought that sicko down,” he said with venom in his voice. “If I have my way, Tony K will never shred another pow lap again.” 

From The Column: The Bumion

Play
READ THE STORY
Peak Design is Offering Gear Grants for Black Outdoor Creatives
Up Next Culture

Peak Design is Offering Gear Grants for Black Outdoor Creatives

Peak Design is Offering Gear Grants for Black Outdoor Creatives

One of the reasons outdoor media lacks diversity is that there are so few BIPOC folks behind the lens. But pursuing a career in photography/videography takes a hefty level of investment, which often poses a barrier of entry for many folks—especially BIPOC individuals. Peak Design wants to help eliminate any obstacles holding back marginalized communities from pursuing a career in outdoor media.  Together with the help of Sony Alpha, Borrow Lenses, and professional outdoor photographer L.

Play
READ THE STORY
Lake Tahoe’s Washoe Tribe Explains the History of the Slur “Squaw”
Up Next Culture

Lake Tahoe’s Washoe Tribe Explains the History of the Slur “Squaw”

Lake Tahoe’s Washoe Tribe Explains the History of the Slur “Squaw”

Squaw Valley stunned everyone last August by dropping the sexist slur “squaw” from their current name. While many applauded the decision, some were resistant to the idea. Change is hard, but sometimes it’s the thing we need if it means making a space more welcoming, inclusive, and accessible for everyone in the outdoors. For indigenous communities—especially the local Washoe tribe—the word squaw always been viewed as a derogatory term, often used to degrade women. Recently the women of the

Play
READ THE STORY
“Subpar Parks” Pokes Fun at One-Star National Park Reviews
Up Next Culture

“Subpar Parks” Pokes Fun at One-Star National Park Reviews

“Subpar Parks” Pokes Fun at One-Star National Park Reviews

Not even Mother Nature can escape the scorn of an upset person with an iPhone. Unfortunately, there are a few visitors that leave our National Parks not exactly feeling like the next Henry David Thoreau. Instead of prose and praise, disgruntled tourists love to pour their frustration into poorly crafted complaints on Yelp. That’s right, you can rate our National Parks on all kinds of review platforms, and the one-star reviews are a sight to behold.  RELATED: Make a Plan to Vote