Week-Old Pocket Burrito Rescues Powder Day

Famished snowboarder Ronny Samuels gorges on a (potentially pathogenic) week-old breakfast burrito. Sam Morse photo.

SKI RESORT, USA — A desiccated breakfast burrito came to the rescue early Thursday after being forgotten for almost a week inside a snowboarder’s jacket pocket.

Reports indicate that 30-year-old rider Ronny Samuels was ready to stop taking pow runs in order to go “chill in the lodge, and get something to eat” before he made the fateful, pow-day altering discovery.

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Samuels’ roommates confirmed to TGR that despite having eggs, yogurt and moldy purple stuff in their fridge, the rider skipped breakfast after seeing the 13-inch snow report.

“Ronny steeped a french press, loaded a binger, then rushed out the door,” roommate Chad Hawkins, 27, told TGR during a Skype interview. “Then, I ate his food.”

Yet Samuels’ riding partners attest the bro’s biological needs quickly caught up to him, and by 10:15 a.m., the starved ripper was exhibiting signs of weariness, lethargy — and was rapidly becoming “hangry as fuck.”

I noticed a hard lump in my jacket, and then I remembered the half-eaten, semi-fungal breakfast burrito from a week ago. Spoiled Mexican food has never tasted that good!

“I was losing my will to crush,” Samuels recounted. “Then, I noticed a hard lump in my jacket, and then I remembered the half-eaten, semi-petrified breakfast burrito from a week ago. Spoiled Mexican food has never tasted that good!”

After consuming the forgotten gut-bomb, Samuels rode pow until approximately 11:47 a.m., when he was overcome by a violent wave of nausea, vomiting and sustained dry heaving.

As of press time, the bro was being treated at a local hospital for bacterial food poisoning, but despite the microbial tummy ache, Samuels maintains the burrito in question “tasted pretty good.”

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stash member Sam Morse

TGR Editor-at-Large. author of The Ski Town Fairytale and creative behind The Bumion. Lover of steep-and-deep lines, long trails—and hot springs waiting in the distance.