A visiting gaper struggles with his rental skis during the snowy holiday season. Sam Morse photo.
MOUNTAIN TOWN, USA — A powerful stock broker emasculated himself Thursday after revealing that despite his cutthroat ability to crush professional adversaries, he has no common sense in the realm of winter snow sports.
According to ski rental technicians and mountain hosts who tried to help the flummoxed titan of finance, Michael Shaw, 47, the visiting father was disoriented, stressed and wasn’t sure which ski went on which foot.
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“That guy didn’t know what the fuck was going on,” Gritty Gaper ski tech Mary Cordelia, who helped Shaw rent skis, told TGR during an interview. “I tried to tell him about the skis, but he was too busy yelling at his kids and closing deals loudly over his smart phone, so I decided not to.”
"Which ski goes on which foot?" Shaw was later overheard screaming hysterically over the din of green-slope beginners.
The search for the nonexistent markings snowballed into desperate powerlessness until a good samaritan noticed the man’s desperation, and came to his aid.
Which ski goes on which foot?
Subsequent reports confirm that Shaw did finally manage to clip into both skis successfully with the help of two inebriated mountain photographers and an alpha liftie, who just wanted to correct someone else’s behavior. But in spite of the holiday cheer, as of press time, the stock broker had filled out a comment card complaining about “too much snow” during the holiday season.
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About The Author
stash member Sam Morse
TGR Editor-at-Large. author of The Ski Town Fairytale and creative behind The Bumion. Lover of steep-and-deep lines, long trails—and hot springs waiting in the distance.
longboardkook
January 29th, 2017
Wait, is there a difference right or left ski? All I know is that on a snowboard, one foot goes in the front and the other in the back.