4-year-old dirtbag grom Caden Henry wakes up to another morning of shred. Creative Commons photo mashup.
JACKSON, Wyo. — Saying he’s done wasting time and is ready to devote his entire winter season to ripping pow, 4-year-old toddler dirtbag Caden Henry officially dropped out of preschool Monday so he could move to Jackson Hole and finally have the winter of a lifetime he's been waiting a whole year since learning to ski to enjoy.
Instead of spending the winter coloring, learning the ABC’s and counting to 10, the grom plans to chase storms around the Tetons while living out of his retrofitted Power Wheel, which he's added to with a small bed, cheez-it dispenser and some dank pastries.
“We respect his desire for independence,” the grom’s father proudly told TGR. “All kids go through a rebellious, ‘I don’t care about my future’ phase, but Caden just hit it early — real early. I mean, forget not going to college or taking a gap year or whatever, Caden’s not even going to finish preschool. That’s dedication!”
“I can’t be passing the time in preschool watching other people slay pow on Instagram as I color between the stupid lines,” the 4-year-old said during a call with TGR as he summited Teton Pass in his Power Wheel while listening to some chill bluegrass. “I can’t waste any more time not living life to the fullest!”
Forget not going to college or taking a gap year or whatever, Caden’s not even going to fucking elementary. That’s dedication!
Having spent all summer saving money by hustling lemonade and child acting, the intrepid youngster plans to survive on Capri Suns, fruit snacks, hot cocoa and leftover meals pocketed by his homies in ski-school daycare.
“If I’m not skiing, working, or taking care of my golden retriever stuffed animal,” he said, “I’ll be blowin’ bubbles and hitting the juice boxes real hard.”
From The Column: The Bumion
MOUNTAIN TOWN, USA — A ski bum’s clandestine eat-for-free scheme was busted Thursday when resort cafeteria workers noticed the man pocketing an abnormal amount of saltine crackers and condiments. After being detained, the ski bum confessed that he has zero remorse and “can’t wait to get back to crushing Saltine Sammies." According to law enforcement transcripts, 25-year-old Tony Koekkoek had been surviving on nothing but “saltines, condiments and whatever else people left behind on
Jackson Hole's iconic Corbet's Couloir - no pun intended. Wikipedia photo. With the introduction of the Ikon Pass for the ’18-’19 winter season, many locals at resorts across the West have felt the impacts of more people on the mountain, parking struggles, and a general disbelief at the scene before their eyes. Jackson Hole Mountain Resort’s new president, Mary Kate Buckley, wrote an opinion piece for the JH News and Guide detailing the local impacts of the Ikon Pass at our home mountain.
goes on sale March 5th Ready to unlock your next winter of adventure, the Ikon Pass is back for the 19/20 season with 38 unique destinations and more ways to get you on the mountain. Every lap up the lift means more unforgettable experiences on the slopes, and that means more memories that you can take home. With an Ikon Pass in your pocket you can seek out adventure from west coast to east coast, north of the border and south of the equator, up and down the Rockies, and across the