4-year-old dirtbag grom Caden Henry wakes up to another morning of shred. Creative Commons photo mashup.
JACKSON, Wyo. — Saying he’s done wasting time and is ready to devote his entire winter season to ripping pow, 4-year-old toddler dirtbag Caden Henry officially dropped out of preschool Monday so he could move to Jackson Hole and finally have the winter of a lifetime he's been waiting a whole year since learning to ski to enjoy.
Instead of spending the winter coloring, learning the ABC’s and counting to 10, the grom plans to chase storms around the Tetons while living out of his retrofitted Power Wheel, which he's added to with a small bed, cheez-it dispenser and some dank pastries.
“We respect his desire for independence,” the grom’s father proudly told TGR. “All kids go through a rebellious, ‘I don’t care about my future’ phase, but Caden just hit it early — real early. I mean, forget not going to college or taking a gap year or whatever, Caden’s not even going to finish preschool. That’s dedication!”
“I can’t be passing the time in preschool watching other people slay pow on Instagram as I color between the stupid lines,” the 4-year-old said during a call with TGR as he summited Teton Pass in his Power Wheel while listening to some chill bluegrass. “I can’t waste any more time not living life to the fullest!”
Forget not going to college or taking a gap year or whatever, Caden’s not even going to fucking elementary. That’s dedication!
Having spent all summer saving money by hustling lemonade and child acting, the intrepid youngster plans to survive on Capri Suns, fruit snacks, hot cocoa and leftover meals pocketed by his homies in ski-school daycare.
“If I’m not skiing, working, or taking care of my golden retriever stuffed animal,” he said, “I’ll be blowin’ bubbles and hitting the juice boxes real hard.”
From The Column: The Bumion
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