Poll: How many of you idiots think you could kill a gorilla?

[CarlMega]

Timely: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime...ay/ar-AA18J3Ql

Pet monkey attacks woman in Oklahoma;

"He ran up my back and jumped onto my head, pulled hair out, and then ripped my ear in half like you would a piece of paper," Parker told KTEN.

[Core Shot]

Timely: https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime...ay/ar-AA18J3Ql

Pet monkey attacks woman in Oklahoma;

Fucking monkeys.

But that article linked to another one about a zebra biting a man’s arm off.

Fucking zebras.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/...m/11465123002/

[TahoeJ]

yes please
Attachment 452140

I met Virginie in Paris a few years after this movie came out and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over it. Pretty sure my fiancée at the time (who was there) would have given me a hall pass… just throw your whole life away beautiful.

[I Skied Bandini Mountain]

been down this road, man. pretty sure I quoted the same article somewhere upstream. nothing can convince them.

You're a smart guy, you need to take into account the consequence of failure here.

On a Saturday night, you get tangled up with some guy who gets the best of you. Consequence of this failure - possibly a black eye, you're knocked on your ass, the guy fucks your girlfriend... Shit you can live with.

In this chimp fight, the consequence of failure - the chimp tears off your face, then kills you, then fucks your dead body, then eats you. Not only are you dead, but that's how you died. That's a pretty fucking high consequence of failure.

[BmillsSkier]

A colleague of mine walked into my office yesterday, and noticed this thread title at the top of my screen.

“Um, whatcha reading there buddy?”

“Harambe” was the easiest answer without getting into it.

[JimmyCarter]

A colleague of mine walked into my office yesterday, and noticed this thread title at the top of my screen.

“Um, whatcha reading there buddy?”

So you threw him some Krokodil and told him to step in the fucking ring??

[::: :::]

I believe there was a prescient movie on this
It was called “Nope”

[BmillsSkier]

So you threw him some Krokodil and told him to step in the fucking ring??

I'm fresh out.

Gonna have to run down to Florida over lunch to pick some up.

[CarlMega]

You're a smart guy, you need to take into account the consequence of failure here.

Exactly. It's not just that you'll lose, it's how you'll lose. "I tapped"

[Djongo Unchained]

I'm fresh out.

Gonna have to run down to Florida over lunch to pick some up.

Seems like a perfect place for this...

moving to florida, hallucinations, etc.

[m2711c]

fact.

[stealurface831]

blue shirt satchel carrier has no time for this monkey business.

[I Skied Bandini Mountain]

Need jomboy to do a breakdown of that

[J. Barron DeJong]

Maybe the monkeys at the typewriters came up with West Side Story instead of the planned original Shakespeare and these troops are just acting it out?

[ZomblibulaX]

Maybe the monkeys at the typewriters came up with West Side Story instead of the planned original Shakespeare and these troops are just acting it out?

When you're a macaque you're macaque all the way...

I was losing interest in the first vid until they panned left to reveal a GOD DAMN MONKEY CASTLE in the middle of the city.

[stealurface831]

macaques? more like mapussies. those things aint shit.

[Jong Lafitte]

Oooo!!! There are monkeys!!! Yeah, well, then fuck that place that has fucking monkeys. Dirty little thieves, shit flinging thieves.

I was once in Galveston and there was a busker who had a fucking monkey that would turn the crank of a fucking monkey sized street organ and the dude wanted money for this act. The goddamned monkey would turn the handle once around and then look back at the poor bastard for another monkey treat. Like, he played, by way of turning a fucking crank, the first 5 notes of ‘the entertainer’ and he needs a goddamned monkey themed milkbone? Fuck off!! A chocolate lab could do better.

So yeah, maybe with a 12 pack of beer and some YouTubes of monkeys being the little shits that they are, maybe I will go kick the shit out of a fucking great ape.

What’s so great about them anyway? The throwing of the poop? Oh?! Yeah! Great! That poop went far! Good job, Ape!!!

One of my least favorite parts about apes is they always have some chimp family at the zoo. Do you ever see anything more than an arm lazily dangling out of the side of some chimp hammock? No. Or maybe you’ll see one transition from one chimp hammock to another but that’s all you’ll get. You’ll be over at the beer tent and overhear some conversation about how the chimp decided to move hammocks. I’d rather watch the squirrels and rabbits that have invaded their chimp hammock city. (Actually, I’m probably thinking orangutans here.)

Weak. They’re fucking weak. I’ll whip the ever loving shit out of some dumbass gorilla. My poop stinks too! I’ll throw him off by not nibbling on it before I throw it at him, giving me a first move advantage! Then, I’ll move in, drunk with both rage and drink and finish the deed. Choke out his fucking gorilla face. Yeah. I got this.

Sorry to sound cruel, I just hate competition.


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[Core Shot]

https://www.forestwildlife.org/orangutan-vs-gorilla/

Go Rillas be nasty. 25mph and 600 pound bite force (and they target vital areas?) ouch

[riser4]

Oooo!!! There are monkeys!!! Yeah, well, then fuck that place that has fucking monkeys. Dirty little thieves, shit flinging thieves.

I was once in Galveston and there was a busker who had a fucking monkey that would turn the crank of a fucking monkey sized street organ and the dude wanted money for this act. The goddamned monkey would turn the handle once around and then look back at the poor bastard for another monkey treat. Like, he played, by way of turning a fucking crank, the first 5 notes of ‘the entertainer’ and he needs a goddamned monkey themed milkbone? Fuck off!! A chocolate lab could do better.

So yeah, maybe with a 12 pack of beer and some YouTubes of monkeys being the little shits that they are, maybe I will go kick the shit out of a fucking great ape.

What’s so great about them anyway? The throwing of the poop? Oh?! Yeah! Great! That poop went far! Good job, Ape!!!

One of my least favorite parts about apes is they always have some chimp family at the zoo. Do you ever see anything more than an arm lazily dangling out of the side of some chimp hammock? No. Or maybe you’ll see one transition from one chimp hammock to another but that’s all you’ll get. You’ll be over at the beer tent and overhear some conversation about how the chimp decided to move hammocks. I’d rather watch the squirrels and rabbits that have invaded their chimp hammock city. (Actually, I’m probably thinking orangutans here.)

Weak. They’re fucking weak. I’ll whip the ever loving shit out of some dumbass gorilla. My poop stinks too! I’ll throw him off by not nibbling on it before I throw it at him, giving me a first move advantage! Then, I’ll move in, drunk with both rage and drink and finish the deed. Choke out his fucking gorilla face. Yeah. I got this.

Sorry to sound cruel, I just hate competition.


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Bath salts!

[BmillsSkier]

Jane Goodall’s favorite animal was a dog.

Think about that.

[mall walker]

A gorilla would almost certainly wreck me.

[J. Barron DeJong]

One of my least favorite parts about apes is they always have some chimp family at the zoo. Do you ever see anything more than an arm lazily dangling out of the side of some chimp hammock? No. Or maybe you’ll see one transition from one chimp hammock to another but that’s all you’ll get. You’ll be over at the beer tent and overhear some conversation about how the chimp decided to move hammocks. I’d rather watch the squirrels and rabbits that have invaded their chimp hammock city. (Actually, I’m probably thinking orangutans here.)

When I was at the DC zoo a couple months ago all the apes fit your description, except for the two orangutans fucking in the back, which included the dude orangutan taking breaks to perform some cunnilingus periodically.

[XXX-er]

In Bali the monkeys will steal your sun glasses or whatever you the tourist did not realize they would steal so at the temples they employ a local kid who will trade your stuff back for a morsel of food

of course the monkey is habituated to just steal another pair of sunglasses to get more food

this would not work in a country with capitol punishment

all them monkeys would have been eradicated and the temple torn down for a strip mall

[Core Shot]

In Bali

this would not work in a country with capitol punishment

Why punish the capitol?
I say just kill the monkeys.

[PB]

macaques? more like mapussies. those things aint shit.

Until they get organized, develop stealth tech and flying cars; of course, we will have killed ourselves off by then.