The most offensive joke thread

**Nanuq** · 10-30-2007, 07:06 PM

Come on...what is the most OFFENSIVE joke you have ever heard and/or told?

I'll start with a mild one...

What's the difference between vaginal blood and sand?

You can't gargle sand.

Okay, for any delicate flowers, don't read this thread. Everyone else, jump on and post 'em.

Nanuq

**FJ62** · 10-30-2007, 07:16 PM

Why did Metallica cut their hair?

Their hairdresser said it was the only way to get all that matted cum out of it.

Why did God give Smashmouth three top ten singles?

Well, it was a clerical error -- he meant to give them all AIDS.

[Both penned by the one and only Neil Hamburger.]

**montanaskier** · 10-30-2007, 07:18 PM

What's the worst part of being a child molester?

The long walk back from the woods alone
or
Trying to get the blood out of the clown costume.

I got some real bad ones but I will wait til this thread gets awful before I post those up. Hasn't this thread already been done?

**flyby** · 10-30-2007, 07:19 PM

Originally Posted by Nanuq

Come on...what is the most OFFENSIVE joke you have ever heard and/or told?

I'll start with a mild one...

What's the difference between vaginal blood and sand?

You can't gargle sand.

Okay, for any delicate flowers, don't read this thread. Everyone else, jump on and post 'em.

Nanuq

What? That is by far the most far fetched joke I have ever heard. Vaginal blood? Ick.

Here's one. It's not much, but it's a start

How do you get a baby into a bowl?

use a blender

how do you get it out?

Tostitos!

**Nanuq** · 10-30-2007, 07:22 PM

Why don't you go down on a chick in the morning?

You ever try to pry apart a peanut butter sandwich with your tongue...

Nanuq

**Donkey Punch** · 10-30-2007, 07:23 PM

Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house?

Neither did she.

**Nanuq** · 10-30-2007, 07:23 PM

What's red and orange and looks good on a hippy?

Fire.

Or, how do you get a hippy off a swing?

Hit him in the head with an ax.

Nanuq

**montanaskier** · 10-30-2007, 07:26 PM

I thought so....some real nice ones in this thread for reference.....

http://www.tetongravity.com/forums/s...ght=jokes+tram

**flyby** · 10-30-2007, 07:30 PM

Originally Posted by Donkey Punch

Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house?

Neither did she.

Yes!!!!!

How do you piss hellen keller off?
Give her a basketball

Why did hellen keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was gnuhhrrrplsshhhh

If hellen keller fell in the woods, would she make a sound?

How did Hellen Keller burn her face?
She answered the iron

What is Hellen keller's favorite color?
Corduroy

Why can't Hellen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman

**Nanuq** · 10-30-2007, 07:42 PM

How can you tell when a woman has had an orgasm?

Who cares.

THEN, tell this one, hopefully to a very gullible buddy with a few in him...

You know how to make a woman have an orgasm?

(to which, most gullible idjits answer...I dunno? How?)

To which you say...you may want to work on that...

Nanuq

**blarin** · 10-30-2007, 07:43 PM

why did Michael Jackson loose the race?
because he likes to come in a little behind.

how do you know its bed time at the neverland ranch?
when the big hand touches the litle hand.

what does michael jackson like about 27 year olds?
that theres twenty of them.

**samthaman** · 10-30-2007, 07:50 PM

why do they boil water when a baby is born?

in case its dead, you can make soup

**bandit2ski** · 10-30-2007, 07:57 PM

What did Hellen Keller say when she skied off the cliff?

Nothing, she was wearing mittens.

**tigerstripe40** · 10-30-2007, 07:58 PM

How many dead baby's does it take to shingle a roof?
Depends on how thinly you slice them.

What is red and black and climbing up a womans leg?
A homesick abortion.

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
you can unload ONE of those trucks with a pitchfork.

**madturtle** · 10-30-2007, 08:02 PM

I heard a story about this girl who moved up to a little mining town in Nevada and was the first female the guys had seen in quite some time...after a couple weeks she was so disgusted with what she had been doing with herself she committed suicide

...a couple weeks later the guys in town were so disgusted with what they'd been doing they finally buried her

...a couple weeks after that they were so disgusted with what they'd been doing in teh mean time they dug her back up again

**BrianGriffin** · 10-30-2007, 08:05 PM

How did Hellen Keller's parents punish her?

They left the plunger in the toilet.

What is the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits till you're 13 before it comes on your face.

**BushwackerinPA** · 10-30-2007, 08:13 PM

What does and odd womans pussy taste like

depends

What is jewish foreplay?

2 hours of begging

**Nanuq** · 10-30-2007, 08:14 PM

How do you get a nun pregnant?

You fuck her.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Tel the priest shes an alter boy.

How do you get a nun pregnant?

Jerk off on your shoe and kick her in the twat.

Nanuq

**arbuckle** · 10-30-2007, 08:15 PM

whats the difference between 10 dead babies and a Cadillac?

I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

**SpinalTap** · 10-30-2007, 08:15 PM

Pickup line:

"Hey babe, let's not turn this rape into a murder"

**brice618** · 10-30-2007, 08:16 PM

This is highly racist don't read it if you don't want to see it...

What do you get when you cross a black guy and an octopus?

I'm not sure, but you should see it pick cotton!

**Nanuq** · 10-30-2007, 08:16 PM

A guy hooks up with an old lady. The enxt day he says to her, "wow, I cannot believe you can still produce milk at your age, you know, when I was sucking on your titties..." To which she relies, "On that's not milk, I have breast cancer."

Nanuq

**Nanuq** · 10-30-2007, 08:17 PM

How does every racist joke start (when this is said, look over your left shoulder, then over your right.)

Nanuq

**phuckhuck** · 10-30-2007, 08:18 PM

Originally Posted by madturtle

I heard a story about this girl who moved up to a little mining town in Nevada and was the first female the guys had seen in quite some time...after a couple weeks she was so disgusted with what she had been doing with herself she committed suicide

...a couple weeks later the guys in town were so disgusted with what they'd been doing they finally buried her

...a couple weeks after that they were so disgusted with what they'd been doing in teh mean time they dug her back up again

Never heard that one....laughing hard

**Lewis Black** · 10-30-2007, 08:18 PM

I'm Lewis Black and these are very offensive.

"What do you tell a black Jewish guy?"

get to the back of the oven

"Whats the best thing about having sex with a 15 year old girl?"

when she takes a shower and pushes her hair back she looks like she is 12.