Using 2 Cows to Explain......

[Fritz]

Sorry if this is a repeat. Unknown source.

Using 2 Cows to Explain:

SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows, and you give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRACY : You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a
bull.Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and
retire on the income.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank,then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows is transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to
your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL: You have two cows. You shred them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot and block the roads because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. Youcount them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb... errr... free the shit out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

[Free Range Lobster]

I think I first saw this in oh...

1993?

[Fritz]

^^yeah me too. just ran across it again this morning.

[Odin]

Somewhere, a heavy woman named gloria that has troll dalls covering her monitor like a security blanket of inanimate objects, that will never object to her eating the last double stuffed oreo, is giggling with glee over the simplistic and over formulaic "funny" email about the two cows and socialism. She then decides to foward this along to you because you will fall for reposting it.

[Fritz]

Using 2 Cows to Explain:

TGR: You have 2 cows. You get JONGed for only having 2 cows.

[bio-smear]

It's ok, it must be updated periodically with stuff like Enron and Arthur Andersen cow-analogies. I get confused, between this drivel and the California Dairy Farmers tv spots.

[mushmouth]

The SAC version:

You have two cows and you get your operatives to spread the word that you have two cows for sale. When the buyers come to buy the cows, you have an unlimited amount of three legged donkeys for sale.

[edg]

Bitch, please : for a Welshman, it's sheep or nothing.

edg

[flatlander#2]

I just sold some cow/calf pairs for $1350. Two years ago that would have been $1850. Goddamn war in Iraq.