SOMEONE CALL ME NOW!!!

[TJ.Brk]

You need to get yourself MORE professional help.

Check yourself in somewhere if you are having strong thoughts of killing yourself.

Seriously. A huge cry for help on an internet forum is no way to cope with your situation. What happens if the TGR forums are down for a couple hours and you bottom out again?

All the people that care for you here should be doing their best to get you more professional help, not advising you go to the desert for a few days.

Check yourself in.

Doug I have to very much agree with Phunk here. Hey I'm seeing Psychologist myself, and I know you are too. But going to the desert will only distract you for a small time. Granted it is refreshing of spirit. The desert can be a deep spiritual place if seeking for the right reason. But going to someplace on a type of vacation will only hide your pain for a few days, maybe a week and then it all comes back to remind you again once you leave Valhalla. That distraction bandade comes off and the wound seems deeper after every escape.

Doug I've never met you, but we are all here for you. Take care man. Take care.

[snowfire]

Doug, JB and i went for a ride last night at Dry Creek/Bobsled and had a good time. Damn his bike is heavy. It was good to be out.

edit: Lonnie, hit me up with a pm, I'll give you a ring next time we go otu.

[Rontele]

Doug, JB and i went for a ride last night at Dry Creek/Bobsled and had a good time. Damn his bike is heavy. It was good to be out.

edit: Lonnie, hit me up with a pm, I'll give you a ring next time we go otu.

Yeah, but isn't it so f'ing cool?

[mountaingirl1961]

Its so fucking frustrating though. One minute I feel completely normal, level headed, and sane. The next I'm a fucking lunatic. It's really annoying. I wish I could figure out what it is that sets me off so I can eliminate it or deal with it. Anyway, that is all for now. I'm off to go mt. biking with snowfire. She is going to show me true pain as I try to keep up with her on my heavy ass AS-X.

Doug, I've not met you but have been thinking of you often, as have many thousands of people around the world (this has gone beyond TGR).

RE: the shrinks - it's important particularly that you find a psychologist with whom you click as that person will be working with you the majority of the time as you heal from this. I've seen four in my lifetime - only one of which I wasn't able to bullshit. That one saved my life. I had the same reaction to the meds as you had and used them in a suicide attempt. Luckily for me I, like you, had a friend who was willing to step in and see me through.

So, get a referral for another psychologist from the emergency room doc or from your psychiatrist if you need to. But keep in mind that you will, eventually, need to confront the issues the current psychologist brought up.

RE: the meds - keep in close contact with your psychiatrist and MD about your reaction, and particularly for the first couple of weeks into the prescription make sure you have other people handy REGULARLY so that you aren't spending big stretches of time on your own. For me, my body got used to the meds and they started doing what they were supposed to do. They didn't solve the problem but they took the edge off so that the shrinks and I could make some progress. For you, it may take a different prescription but the advice remains the same - be sure you have people around when you first get going with a new drug of this nature.

And, finally, re: the frustration - mental illlness is, yes, an illness. This is no big "failure" on your part or anything like that - you're sick. Give yourself a chance to heal. Be patient with yourself.

Speaking as someone who's been in that huge dark hole - the sun does eventually come back out again. And life is beautiful when it does.

I have a spare bedroom and a house at the base of the Rubies in NE NV should you need a getaway. Only a couple of hours west of you but a whole world away if you need a change. Sometimes strangers can provide a unique combination of space and a sympathetic ear that can be helpful. (Rideit knows me if you need more info.)

SUE

[Jer]

I have a spare bedroom and a house at the base of the Rubies in NE NV should you need a getaway.

I ... I feel ... my mind ... CALLLL MEEEE!

Even on short trips into the desert (or the mountains), I've had decent luck with bringing back a little piece of Valhalla; just a little thread of light, winking in and out, something to follow through the confusion.

[WhiteLight]

RE: the shrinks - it's important particularly that you find a psychologist with whom you click as that person will be working with you the majority of the time as you heal from this. I've seen four in my lifetime - only one of which I wasn't able to bullshit. That one saved my life. I had the same reaction to the meds as you had and used them in a suicide attempt. Luckily for me I, like you, had a friend who was willing to step in and see me through.

So, get a referral for another psychologist from the emergency room doc or from your psychiatrist if you need to. But keep in mind that you will, eventually, need to confront the issues the current psychologist brought up.

RE: the meds - keep in close contact with your psychiatrist and MD about your reaction, and particularly for the first couple of weeks into the prescription make sure you have other people handy REGULARLY so that you aren't spending big stretches of time on your own. For me, my body got used to the meds and they started doing what they were supposed to do. They didn't solve the problem but they took the edge off so that the shrinks and I could make some progress. For you, it may take a different prescription but the advice remains the same - be sure you have people around when you first get going with a new drug of this nature.

And, finally, re: the frustration - mental illlness is, yes, an illness. This is no big "failure" on your part or anything like that - you're sick. Give yourself a chance to heal. Be patient with yourself.

Solid, 100% practical advice given by Sue, right there.

To emphasize a few points she brought up:

1. Be prepared to switch things up. If you are not getting what you need from a psychiatrist or psychologist, look into working with someone else. Even if that means paying out of pocket.

2. Enlist an advocate to help you find your way through the maze of docs, meds, etc. Talk on a daily basis with that person, to let them know how you are doing. This can be a family member; a friend; someone who knew you before all this went down, and has a benchmark for you.

This person will be helpful to you in monitoring your progress with the meds, over time. They will also be helpful to remind you of how you were, before things shook down as they did.

3. Question authority. "Seek professional help" is excellent advice, but as always, keep your head screwed on, and don't accept that help blindly. I know this creates an added pressure, but, it is your survival at stake. Just because someone has xyz-credentials, doesn't mean they will be helpful to you.

Schmoe, it sounds like you are doing great, finding out what helps (mtb'ing with friends), and figuring out what hinders (too much booze). Keep plugging at it...you are doing it!