SOMEONE CALL ME NOW!!!

[DJSapp]

Shmoe, I've been following from the sidelines for a while with nothing different to add that hasn't already been said.

First and foremost, what phUnk said. Seek professional help. The pros are trained and can help steer you in the correct direction faster than any of us maggots could.

Second, don't think that you are without friends, or that your disappearance from this world would go unnoticed. True friends are the ones who call the cops because they can't get to your door in time to protect you from your inner demons. There are hundreds of people on this board who would be more than happy to go out on a bike ride, ski, hike or hang out and talk, or offer up space in thier homes if you need to get away for a while. The world is an amazing place, and this board is just a small sample of it. Don't miss out on it.

[Lonnie]

http://www.vmh.com/

Valley Mental Health
5965 South 900 East
Salt Lake City, Utah 84121

Crisis Hotline
24 hours a day
(801)261-1442

"Valley Mental Health is a private, not-for-profit mental health agency serving Salt Lake, Summit, and Tooele counties."

[Roo]

Doug,

Hang in there man. There's plenty of unfinished business at places like this to git done

Andy

[The Dad]

What everyone else has already said more eloquently than I could. Sending PM with my contact info, just so you have one more person to talk to if you need it.

[dk_alaskan]

Called Doug a few minutes ago. He has decided to take the day off and rest. Thanks to everyone who contacted me and tried to help both Doug and myself.

Snowfire, hope you didn't mind having my sis call. I don't know anyone in UT and remembered you are down there for a spell.

[tigerstripe40]

Has anybody heard from Doug in the last 8 hours?

I sent him a text message earlier today.
He has not responded to me or to Angie.

I am at work and I can not leave until 6pm and I am worried shitless.

Edit

Didn't see previous post.
I can breathe a little easier.

[dk_alaskan]

yeah, I spoke with him a few minutes ago. he is sleeping/resting. He has promised me to call when he wakes up.

[shmoesmith]

I just woke up........Thank you to everyone that has called.

I have been getting professional help 1-2X per week. The meds I took were a prescription from the psychiatrist I saw..they weren't something that I borrowed from a friend or something. I had a real bad session with a psychologist on Tuesday, where he tried to make me face some things I just didn't want to face. Then I tried the prescrption the doctor had given me that night and had a bad reaction with it the next day. I think all of that combined might have triggered me off last night.

I have been diagnosed with a case of post tramatic stress disorder. It's hard to deal with. I will be completely fine, and something will flip a switch and I'm suddenly out of control. It's completely unpredictable right now, but the docs said I will start to recognize the things that trigger me, and will be able to avoid them, and slowly start coping with them.

The crisis guy at the ER happened to personally know the psychiatrist and psychologist that I went to. He was also very familiar with the medication they had prescribed. He said that the psychiatrist I saw was extremely good, and the meds that he had prescribed are very good too, and that most people don't have the reactions I had to them, and that it was a normal prescription for what I was dealing with. He thinks I was just a little oversensetive to the drug since I had only used it once. He also advised me to get a new psychologist. He said the guy I was working with was good, but that I obviously wasn't clicking with him, or moving forward in the way I should be. He gave me a list of new people to go to that will work with my insurance company, so I will give them a few of them a call and make a decision as to who to try next.

What woudl I do if TGR was down? I think I would have eventually dialed 911 myself. While I am freaking out, some small part of me is trying to tell me that i am not being logical or reasonable, and that I need someone to smack some sense into me before I do somethign stupid. I called alot of people last night before posting on the board. I even tried a crisis line, but like some sort of sick joke, my phone wouldn't connect to it. I didn't call any of the people that have been helping me through this all though. I didn't want to be a burden to them. I know that sounds stupid, but that is what my brain was telling me last night, and that is how this thread got started. It was a call out for help to people I didn't feel like I was burdening, before finally resorting to 911.

Thanks again everyone.

[MarsB]

Good to hear from you, Doug. Sounds like you are doing the right things, and you know we've got your back. Hang in there mang!



PS- The mags who left personal phones and emails may want to edit their posts. Hate to see spammers take advantage of your kindness.

[altachic]

Doug, you know what things you need to do.

You will get through this, you will move on...it will just take time.

Remember the things we talked about last week, remember them, take them to heart.

You are an amazing person.

[mmmthmtskier]

Doug,
Wow! It looks like getting dragged away in handcuffs can be a good thing! You got some great advice at the ER. Next time I think about you(thought about you yesterday morning), I'll be sure to PM you or give a general shout-out on the board. I feel better knowing you have some professionals in your corner. Take care, Doug.
Steve

[The Dad]

Doug:

What would be a burden to us is if you were no longer with us. Bear that in mind, and use those numbers accordingly.

And obviously, keep it up with the pros.

[Jer]

Missed your post, Doug. Glad you're ok; you have my number, use it when you need it.

Dunno if this is the right time to be pushing you to face things you don't want to. Stabilize first - meds, mood, life. One thing at a time.

[WhiteLight]

Dunno if this is the right time to be pushing you to face things you don't want to. Stabilize first - meds, mood, life. One thing at a time.

Me-too-ing on that right there.

A few more thoughts:

Meds are in inexact science. There is a whole lotta trial-and-error involved; it's a total YMMV situation, for better or worse. A med that might be good for one person could be absolutely wrong for another. (Same also with a psychologist.)

Also, even a med that might ultimately work well for you can have gnarly side-effects upfront, including increased suicidal tendencies (how fucked is that, right?), etc.

So, to echo what snowsprite said: you may have to try another one to get a better fit.

re: suicide: the only thing I would say here is to remember that, if all else fails, that option will be there for you. You don't have to go there right now. Try one more thing...then, maybe another...before you decide you've exhausted yourself.

And pls do not give yourself added grief by getting frustrated that you aren't dealing with the sitch "better" or "faster" or whatever.

I do think roo's quote could be very helpful: actively choose to shift your attention toward what needs to be done, right here, right now, to keep you in place.

Also: thank you for having the guts and smarts to post and ask for help when you needed it. I get what people here are saying about also leaning on pros for help, but fuck it, ask here, there, everywhere.

[Brocktoon]

(Again for page 2.)

You need to get yourself MORE professional help.

Check yourself in somewhere if you are having strong thoughts of killing yourself.

Seriously. A huge cry for help on an internet forum is no way to cope with your situation. What happens if the TGR forums are down for a couple hours and you bottom out again?

All the people that care for you here should be doing their best to get you more professional help, not advising you go to the desert for a few days. Advising you to do anything less than check yourself in is shortsighted and dangerous.

We love you, but you need to Check Yourself In NOW.

Whatever you perceive as preventing you from doing this is illusory. This is nothing to take half measures with. Take care of yourself, brother.

[PNWbrit]

re: suicide: the only thing I would say here is to remember that, if all else fails, that option will be there for you.

Without a doubt the most stupid piece of advice ever given on this board.

Whitelight you are an idiot.

[WhiteLight]

Without a doubt the most stupid piece of advice ever given on this board.

Whitelight you are an idiot.

And PNWbrit, you are a cocksure platitude-spewing one-note songbird.

Not really, but I had to give you back a ration.

Tell me, exactly, what is untrue or idiotic about my statement. Tell me, also, how many near-suicides you have sucessfully counselled, not only back to marginal survival-states, but back to *thriving* states.

In my experience, it can be a tremendous relief to someone in a suicidal state to be able to talk openly about what they are considering, without being shut-down by those who would treat them as invalids, children, or idiots. Or criminals.

Taking the immediate pressure off the decision is one way of helping.

I stand by my post.

[PNWbrit]

I stand by my post.

So do I.

Talking openly is considerably different than suggesting saving up suicidal feelings for future use should life continue to go down the shitter.

Maybe this is some widely accepted counselling technique that your obvious expertise in this field can edjumacate me about....

[mock1]

welcome back doug. i've had ptsd for almost 40 years. it'll never completely goes away, but it does get better and easier w/time. go to the mountains, the woods, the water and find something you really enjoy doing and do it.
hang in there man, i'm sure glad i did.

[bklyn]

D. You have more support than you realize. First, seek that professional help that will bring you into the right place. Second, feel free to lean on others.

Grief is a difficult thing to process. I lost my grandmother August 2000, dad Feb 2001, some of my friends and place of business Sept 2001, my dog Jan 2002, and split with my best friend and lover in Mar 2002. So many bad things happened in quick succession and it was hard to keep it all together.

After the dust settled I was able to forge a new life, and believe me, there were still challenges. At times I felt like I took one step forward for every two steps backward. No one can tell you when you should be over it or set a timetable for when you should be fine. Only you can do this.

Today - six years after I saw a plane's shadow cross over my office, I was scared for a split second by the shadow of a chair passing a lift tower. Post traumatic stress is a strange thing. It may always shock you for a second or two, but you will have manageable tools to help you deal with it going forward. My dog still visits me in my dreams. You never forget, instead there can be a gradual replacement of good memories for bad.

No one can tell you your future, no one else can give you a purpose or reason for living.

I say, please keep trying. Taking it one day at a time or one minute at a time. Whatever pace you set is the one you should follow.

You can go away somewhere or not. I remember you saying that you didn't want to go anywhere, but rather that you'd want life to return to normal. "Normal" is what you define it right now.

I wish you some semblance of peace of mind, even if it is momentary, right now.

[rideit]

Doug, I just stumbled across this.
Glad you are rebounding, that sounds like a tough night!

Listen, you have a bike in your life for a reason, and the August mini-summit here is for YOU, don't forget that.

Keep on keepin' on, it is the only way to get through.

Gimme a shout whenever you need to, I'll hop on the car and drive at any time, and pick up a burrito on the way.

anytime.

[iceman]

He might even pick up two burritos if you ask nice.

joking, I'm joking here...

[MrsTromano]

Glad to hear that you are OK. I can't imagine what it is like to lose a spouse. I hope you are able to find someone to talk to that can help you.

Someone mentioned a priest, and you may want to consider that. It helped me out when I was dealing with the death of my sister. Right after she died, that I started to mourn the loss of my father again who passed away 8 years before that. My mom got me into counseling when I started having horrible nightmares. Eventually the nightmares stopped, but it was hard for a while. Also, I had somehow managed to convince myself that I was responsible for her death because I was the only one with her at the time even though she died of natural causes. Even now, on the anneversary of her death, I still get sad, but no where near to how I felt in the first months after she passed.

I know it is not exactly the same loss, but the pain is still there.

[iceman]

Grief is a difficult thing to process. I lost my grandmother August 2000, dad Feb 2001, some of my friends and place of business Sept 2001, my dog Jan 2002, and split with my best friend and lover in Mar 2002. So many bad things happened in quick succession and it was hard to keep it all together.

Dad, 2001; 9/11, 2001; one dog 2002, Mom 2003, other dog 2003...I think I know how you feel...sometimes I'm not sure I'm all the way back even now. But I keep on truckin' somehow. You can too, Do It Man.

[mrryde]

Doug,

I'll call you later, lets see if we can hook up tomorrow? Any interest in getting out to Soli for the day?

JB