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Thread: Knock, knock..........

  1. #1
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    Knock, knock..........

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    .

  2. #2
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    I'll bite.

    Who's there?
    It's idomatic, beatch.

  3. #3
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    Candy Gram

  4. #4
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    Candy Gram who?

    I have to tell you... this is the first time I've done this over the internet.
    It's idomatic, beatch.

  5. #5
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    I'm only a dolphin......
    Last edited by KQ; 10-05-2006 at 04:25 PM.

  6. #6
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    LAND SHARK! The cleverest species of them all!
    It's idomatic, beatch.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cornholio View Post
    LAND SHARK! The cleverest species of them all!
    Classic! Love the not ready for prime time players!

    For more modern SNL here's a site dedicated to the-complete-celebrity-jeopardy

  8. #8
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    i was expecting more given the big build up.

  9. #9
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    There is a whole generation of americans who will have to google this.
    It's idomatic, beatch.

  10. #10
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    Another classic door knocking routine...



    Dave's not here man.

  11. #11
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    And here I thought this was about a pair of knockers.
    Living vicariously through myself.

  12. #12
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    Just saying "Dave's not here, man" in a Chong accent made me laugh out loud at my desk.
    It's idomatic, beatch.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wobbly Pirate View Post
    i was expecting more given the big build up.
    [ Music: "Jaws Theme" ]

    [ open on interior, apartment ]

    [ doorbell sounds ]

    Woman #1: [ moves to chain-locked door ] Who is it?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Mrs. Ramilarghh??

    Woman #1: Who is it?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Plumber..

    Woman #1: Plumber? I didn't ask for a plumber. Who is it?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Telegram.

    Woman #1: Oh. Telegram. Just a moment.

    [ unlocks door, and opens it. The head of the shark appears, grabbing her arm and pulling her into the hallway as she screams. ]

    [ SUPER: "Jaws II" ]

    [ dissolve to Sheriff's Office, Sheriff and Matt Hooper looking over a three-foot long metal tub covered with a white cloth ]

    Matt Hooper: [ looks under cloth and winces ] Oh, my God!

    Sheriff: What was it?

    Matt Hooper: Land shark. The cleverest species of them all.

    Sheriff:

    [ dissolve to Woman #2 in her apartment ]

    [ Music: "Jaws Theme ]

    [ a knock at the door ]

    Woman #2: [ appoaches the door ] Yes?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Mrs. Arlsbergerhh??

    Woman #2: Who?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Mrs. Johnannesburrrr??

    Woman #2: Who is it?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Flowers.

    Woman #2: Flowers? From whom?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Plumber, ma'am..

    Woman #2: I don't need a plumber. You're that clever shark, aren't you?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Candygram.

    Woman #2: Candygram, my foot! Get out of here before I call the proper authorities. You're the shark, and you know it.

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] I'm only a dolphin, ma'am..

    Woman #2: A dolphin? Well.. okay..

    [ she opens the door, as the shark pulls her screaming into the hallway ]

    [ dissolve to Sheriff's Office, Matt Hooper lifts up cloth napkin covering plate, then winces and looks away ]

    Sheriff: What is it?

    Matt Hooper: Egg salad again. [ removes sandwich from under napkin, and takes a bite ]

    [ dissolve to Woman #3 in her apartment, Woman #2 putting on make-up to go out ]

    [ door buzzes ]

    Woman #3: Who is it?

    Land Shark: [ muffled voice ] Land Shark.

    Woman #3: [ laughing ] Oh, Walter!

    [ she opens door laughing, but is attacked and dragged into the hall by the Land Shark ]

    [ dissolve to Sheriff's Office, Sheriff on phone looking horrified into another rtub covered with cloth ]

    Sheriff: [ on phone ] Hello, Walter. I have some good news, and I have some bad news. First, the good news. There's a party tonight at my house. Now, the bad news: you'll be coming stag. Goodbye, Walter..

    [ dissolve to Woman #4 in apartment, listening to the radio ]

    Radio: ...considered the cleverest of all sharks. Unlike the great white, which tends to inhabit the waters of harbors and recreational beach areas, the Land Shark may strike at any place, any time. It is capable of disguising its voice, and generally preys on young, single women. Experts at the University of Miami's Oceanographic Institute suggest that the best way to scare off the shark in the event of an attack is to hit or punch the predator in the Nose. Now for the weather..

    Woman #4: [ turns off radio, as the doorbell rings ] Who is it?

    Muffled Voice: Sorry to disturb you, ma'am. I'm from the Jehovah's Witnesses, and thought you might be interested in a copy of our journal, "The Watchtower".

    Woman #4: [ grabs a mallet and inches towards the door ] Why, I'd be very interested..

    Muffled Voice: Would you mind opening the door, ma'am?

    Woman #4: Certainly.

    [ she unlocks the door a crack, and reaches out with the mallet to strike the Land Shark's head. Instead of the shark, a Jehovah's Witness stumbles into the apartment and drops onto the floor in front of her. ]

    [ SUPER: "The End?" ]

    [ fade ]

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cornholio View Post
    Just saying "Dave's not here, man" in a Chong accent made me laugh out loud at my desk.

    Dave's not here
    Last edited by KQ; 10-05-2006 at 04:42 PM.

  15. #15
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    edit: You're quick.
    Last edited by Cornholio; 10-05-2006 at 04:45 PM.
    It's idomatic, beatch.

  16. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cornholio View Post
    "This sound file is no longer available from the web site you visited."

    Boo. I was psyched, too.

    1st part
    Try this
    Last edited by KQ; 10-05-2006 at 04:48 PM.

  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by jibij View Post
    Another classic door knocking routine...



    Bob: People think it was the 400 acid trips I took
    Commentator: really? what was it then?
    Bob: One day I played Black Sabbath at 78 speed.....

  18. #18
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    "I'm Dave, let me in"

    I went though this often in the 70's, acctually being named Dave.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cornholio View Post
    There is a whole generation of americans who will have to google this.
    and I bet about two thirds of this board too.

    This thread brings back some great memories.

    If I had an 8 track player I bet I could find that old C&C tape around here somewhere.
    Last edited by FrankZappa; 10-05-2006 at 05:31 PM.

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by FrankZappa View Post
    and I bet about two thirds of this board too.

    This thread brings back some great memories.
    Cheeseburger, cheeseburger......

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lane Meyer View Post
    Cheeseburger, cheeseburger......
    No Coke! Pepsi.

  22. #22
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    And don't forget the ever popular: "Jane, you ignorant slut!"

  23. #23
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    Speaking of sharks, how about the MUD SHARK and the Edgewater Inn?

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lane Meyer View Post
    Cheeseburger, cheeseburger......
    I was at a sandwich shop today and heard someone say "Cheese burger, cheese burger...no coke, pepsi!" I looked up to see a gentleman with stark white hair. The clerk looked at him blankly...customer said "ah...you're too young"

    LOL!

  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by grrrr View Post
    And here I thought this was about a pair of knockers.

    [Frankenstein, Igor and Inga in front of HUGE castle doors]
    Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What knockers.
    Inga: Oh, thank you doctor.

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