Coffee is good, but only when taken anally. (NSR)

[Twoplanker]

Hesitantly, I went to my scheduled Chiropractor visit today. If you haven't read my previous posts, I've gone to this guy a couple of times and I've been feeling like this is not the guy for me. Healthwise, I'm feeling 100%. My back problem is gone, and I was just there because I didn't have time to cancel the appointment. While I'm waiting in the exam room, I'm reading this pamphlet produced at the office. Among a host of reasonable advice about how to live a healthy lifestlye, something catches my eye: The Coffee Enema.

Hey, I've had a few strong cups of Joe in my day, and I know to expect a good colon cleansing if the brew is dark enough. That's to be expected and if you've got good facility access, not entirely undesirable. A good, clean, colon blow starts my day out right and gives me a chance to catch up on my POWDER reading.

But right away, I knew the information contained within this pamphlet was about something different. This was immediately clear to me as I read the first line: "Altough coffee is not an acceptable drink, it can be useful as an enema". It went on describing how one goes about making the perfect cup of ass-brew.

Just as the chiropractor comes into the room, I desperately try to supress my giggles and the mental image of someone ordering at Starbucks: "Yeah, I'll have a venti non-fat chai latte. Oh, and I'll take it in the ass please."

I don't doubt that a coffee enema works (you can go here
for more info), although I do think Juan Valdez would find the use of his handpicked beans a bit offensive.

I just found it supremely ironic that coffee, a drink which is more fond to me than beer, is only acceptable to this doctor when taken anally.

Thus, the final straw. I can't go to a chiropractor who only takes his coffee in the ass.

[truth]

Would that be Greek coffee?

[Twoplanker]

Originally posted by truth
Would that be Greek coffee?

heheh


Hycaphelanus prepares to serve a cup of coffee to his wrestling buddy.

[KQ]

There's a well known case regarding patient requested treatment/med mal where a woman demanded so many coffee enemas that it depleted her electrolytes and eventually killed her.

Not good - coffee should be taken orally IMHO.

[Twoplanker]

Originally posted by KQ
There's a well known case regarding patient requested treatment/med mal where a woman demanded so many coffee enemas that it depleted her electrolytes and eventually killed her.

Not good - coffee should be taken orally IMHO.

It's not the cofee enema that was shocking to me, per se. The fact that this was ok, yet drinking it is not, was the real shocker.

[CaddyDaddy77]

So, if your caffeine intolerant like myself, (turns me into Beavis) what's the result of a coffee-enima?

[KQ]

Originally posted by CaddyDaddy77
So, if your caffeine intolerant like myself, (turns me into Beavis) what's the result of a coffee-enima?

Decaf or regular?

[splat]

Originally posted by CaddyDaddy77
So, if your caffeine intolerant like myself, (turns me into Beavis) what's the result of a coffee-enima?

I don't know, but I suggest using a cup without a handle.

[Spats]

Earl weighs in on the controversy

[KQ]

Originally posted by Spats
Earl weighs in on the controversy

LOL!!!

[Twoplanker]

Originally posted by KQ
Decaf or regular?

The instructions were clear on one thing - don't use instant coffee.

[KQ]

Why it works

The effects of a coffee enema are different than a saline enema. The most important difference between a saline enema and a coffee enema is the presence of caffeine in the coffee. Caffeine, theophylline and theobromine, combine to stimulate the relaxation of smooth muscles causing dilatation of blood vessels and bile ducts. The effects of having a coffee enema are not the same as drinking coffee. The veins of the anus are very close to the surface of the tissue. The caffeine is therefore absorbed more quickly (and in higher concentration) than it is in when coffee is drunk.

So it's like mainlining. Guess there's no sense in using decaf then.

[Buzzworthy]

Originally posted by Twoplanker
I can't go to a chiropractor who only takes his coffee in the ass.

POTD, ROTFLMAO!!!

[Twoplanker]

Originally posted by KQ
Why it works

The effects of having a coffee enema are not the same as drinking coffee.

No shit.

[phUnk]

Originally posted by Twoplanker
The instructions were clear on one thing - don't use instant coffee.

Duh. You might get the spoon stuck when you stir in the crystals.

[KQ]

Originally posted by Twoplanker
No shit.

Brew shit - kinda lends new meaning to "percolated"

[phUnk]

Originally posted by Twoplanker
No shit.

Thank you, ladies & gentlemen. Twoplanker will be here all week.

Please remember to tip your waitress.

[splat]

Sweet and Low?

overall, a salad a day has the same effect and much more nutrition.

'course the American Chemical whatever won't tell you that.

[Twoplanker]

Originally posted by splat
Sweet and Low?

Q: "How do you take your coffee?"

A: "Sweet and low, baby!"

[phUnk]

Originally posted by splat
overall, a salad a day has the same effect and much more nutrition.

Yeah, but those radishes make me walk funny.

[Lumpy]

Originally posted by truth
Would that be Greek coffee?

Hmmm, add the French Press to the equation and we get....?

[Twoplanker]

Originally posted by Lumpy
Hmmm, add the French Press to the equation and we get....?

an international incident?

[snowsprite]

OMG! This whole thread has me dying! I will never be able to keep a straight face again when asked "How do you take your coffee."

ROFL!

[BanditXXX]

I will no longer be critical of you or your posts. Dude, you are one funny sumbitch. That shit is hilarious. You made my whole day. I couldn't stop laughing. You da man!!! LOL!!

[BanditXXX]

You could make some money selling that to Andrew Dice Clay, LOL!! Sorry man, I'll be laughing all night..........................