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Thread: Dropping in.....Parallel - By Request

  1. #1
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    Post Dropping in.....Parallel - By Request

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    Author Topic: Dropping in... parallel
    roll - gybe
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    posted July 30, 2002 11:32 AM
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    Here I am in school (in a very warm place) and I meet a kid who wants to talk about skiing.
    I think it's great that he's into it, and he's telling me immodest stories about cham-i-cham, but then he hits me with a doozie.

    "Then there was so much powder we couldn't ski. I dropped in parallel and," (note: this is when the beer began to come out of my nose),"just stuck there."

    Thought I'd share. It's 99 degrees here and no low pressure winter storm systems in sight.


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    vinzclortho
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    posted July 30, 2002 11:33 AM
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    awww...give the JONG a chance. maybe you can teach him to huck this season. dropping in parallel is pretty burly though. I think Nobis does that kind of stuff..hehe.
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    Posts: 102 | From: boston, MA | Registered: Dec 2000 | IP: Logged

    roll - gybe
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    posted July 30, 2002 11:37 AM
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    ...on a lighter note... an update...
    I hit myself in the face with a golf ball last week. Close range, ball prolly going about 65mph. Never thought it would happen. Right in the mouth. Somehow I got very lucky things were not worse.


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    Posts: 19 | Registered: Jan 2001 | IP: Logged

    vinzclortho
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    posted July 30, 2002 11:56 AM
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    okay, I'll bite. HOW THE HELL DID YOU HIT YOURSELF IN THE MOUTH WITH A GOLF BALL GOING 65 MPH? I'm guessing riccocheted off a rock or something like that. ya didn't lose any teeth? no fat lip? hey, at least you didn't get hit in the huevos.
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    Posts: 102 | From: boston, MA | Registered: Dec 2000 | IP: Logged

    phUnk
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    posted July 30, 2002 12:01 PM
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    I was at a driving range once, bashing a bucket of balls, when I tipped the ball, it went about 75 degrees away from the intended path of travel, nicked the edge of the dividers they put between each person, got another 15 degrees of angle from that divider, flew over 3 or 4 people, and hit this big dude in the thigh.
    Man, I've never done such a "wow, look at my ball fly, that must be about 200 yards" impression as he looked around like "somebody is going to fukking get it and it's going to feel like a golf club going in!"

    So funny, I think 2 drops of pee came out.


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    Posts: 1698 | From: Slut Lake City, UT | Registered: Sep 2000 | IP: Logged

    Ald0
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    posted July 30, 2002 12:02 PM
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    quote:
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    Originally posted by roll - gybe:
    ...on a lighter note... an update...
    I hit myself in the face with a golf ball last week. Close range, ball prolly going about 65mph. Never thought it would happen. Right in the mouth. Somehow I got very lucky things were not worse.


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    Got a little under that one eh?


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    spaz
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    posted July 30, 2002 12:15 PM
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    quote:
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    Originally posted by phUnk:
    So funny, I think 2 drops of pee came out.
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    Glibbly wiggly peter pan long dong drip drip! Hoo hee haw haw! PEE PEE GOAT CHEESE


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    iceman
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    posted July 30, 2002 12:15 PM
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    I used to play really fast with my brother, we'd just hit and go. He drove, started walking, I drove it right into the back of his skull from about 20 yards.
    Boom boom I say OUT GO THE LIGHTS!!!

    I thought I killed him.


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    Posts: 486 | From: germantown,MD,USA.. Ski Central | Registered: Dec 2000 | IP: Logged

    roll - gybe
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:03 PM
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    Ice, when you saw that ball headed at his nog, you must have freaked.
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    roll - gybe
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:14 PM
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    quote:
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    Originally posted by vinzclortho:
    okay, I'll bite. HOW THE HELL DID YOU HIT YOURSELF IN THE MOUTH WITH A GOLF BALL GOING 65 MPH? I'm guessing riccocheted off a rock or something like that. ya didn't lose any teeth? no fat lip? hey, at least you didn't get hit in the huevos.
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    Ok, this is where I start to sound really stupid.


    My ball was 8ft behind this big ass tree, slightly (5") to the left. There was another tree in front of me 20 feet - 7 feet to the left. Beyond that was a sand trap - to avoid this trap, I would need to bend the ball around the tree at 20 feet.

    So I'm thinking, "ball back in stance, start the hips a little early."

    Standing over the ball, I am totally aware of my lack of good judgement, but this does not dissuade me. Instead, I reassure myself by repeating, "not in the nuts" three times. At this point, I should have known something was up, but I didn't.

    I swung, but my swing was much fuller than I wanted - it pushes the ball out to the right as if I'm hitting a full on draw.

    I see the ball returning to my face at about 18". It was like the Matrix - the ball was just frozen there. While time was suspended, I thought the following things.

    - This could be it
    - I'm going to get my face smashed in
    - I'm playing with a girl, and this is not cool
    - The girl is going to take 2 skins on this hole
    - I am going to be disfigured
    - This was so dumb, what was my problem?
    - I'm going to get my face smashed in

    Then POW

    I felt nothing, checked my teeth, and pretty much went into shock. I swelled up, and went to the bar with an embarassing bag of ice.


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    iceman
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:18 PM
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    quote:
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    Originally posted by roll - gybe:
    Ice, when you saw that ball headed at his nog, you must have freaked.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Oh, man, you have no idea. I had time to yell "Watch" and then it hit him. Sounded just like an ax hitting a log, TCHUNK! and he went right down. He was out cold for at least five minutes.

    edit: damn ubb
    We changed how we played after that.

    [This message has been edited by iceman (edited 07-30-2002).]


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    Posts: 486 | From: germantown,MD,USA.. Ski Central | Registered: Dec 2000 | IP: Logged

    Buster Highmen
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:22 PM
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    Full contact golf?
    And I thought this full contact parenting thing was dangerous, albeit gooey, enough.
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    Posts: 2079 | From: Redmond, WA 98014 | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged

    vinzclortho
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:23 PM
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    I hear ya on the matrix thing. I remember being about 11 years old at the beach and I threw a rock at a bigger rock. the smaller rock came flying right back at my face and seemed to just hang there not moving. That's when I knew I was the one and could broadcast my pirate signal to hack into the matrix and change things as I saw fit....I mean, I dodged the rock. true story. stuck with me this long anyways.
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    Posts: 102 | From: boston, MA | Registered: Dec 2000 | IP: Logged

    lemon boy
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:24 PM
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    You guys are cracking me up.
    Roll- Here's a hint for you. It is ALWAYS BETTER to chunk out onto the fairway than to "goferit!"

    ICE-

    No shit you changed how you played. Crazy damned story. My bro killed a robin one time (okay, he broke its back but made me ring its neck)


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    Posts: 750 | From: Denver, CO - US of A | Registered: Sep 2000 | IP: Logged

    iceman
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:24 PM
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    This doesn't have much (okay, nothing) to do with this topic, but:
    A long time ago, when you could still smoke in Airports, I got off a plane and was waiting for my luggage by the carousel thing. I pull out a smoke and some matches. Strike the match, and the flaming head flies off - RIGHT INTO THE EAR of the guy standing next to me. I mean, right inside.

    I go, "Ummm..."
    The guy goes "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" and starts smacking himself in the head, trying to put the fire out. He ran away, still screaming and smacking himself in the head.

    Never saw him again.

    True story.

    [This message has been edited by iceman (edited 07-30-2002).]


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    Posts: 486 | From: germantown,MD,USA.. Ski Central | Registered: Dec 2000 | IP: Logged

    Buster Highmen
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:25 PM
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    Ah, the sheer, lovely stoopidity of it all...
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    Owens Never Sleeps
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:33 PM
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    quote:
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    Originally posted by iceman:
    This doesn't have much (okay, nothing) to do with this topic, but:
    A long time ago, when you could still smoke in Airports, I got off a plane and was waiting ofr my luggage by the crousel thing. I pull out a smke and some matches. Strike the match, and the flaming head flies off - RIGHT INTO THE EAR of the guy standing next to me. I mean, right inside.

    I go, "Ummm..."
    The guy goes "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" and starts smacking himself in the head, trying to put the fire out. He ran away, still screaming and smacking himself in the head.

    Never saw him again.

    True story.


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    That's the funniest shit I've read in a long time. I just about pissed myself. Still laughing.

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    Posts: 411 | From: Anchorage, Alaska, USA | Registered: Sep 2000 | IP: Logged

    vinzclortho
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:36 PM
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    quote:
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Originally posted by iceman:
    This doesn't have much (okay, nothing) to do with this topic, but:
    A long time ago, when you could still smoke in Airports, I got off a plane and was waiting ofr my luggage by the crousel thing. I pull out a smke and some matches. Strike the match, and the flaming head flies off - RIGHT INTO THE EAR of the guy standing next to me. I mean, right inside.

    I go, "Ummm..."
    The guy goes "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" and starts smacking himself in the head, trying to put the fire out. He ran away, still screaming and smacking himself in the head.

    Never saw him again.

    True story.


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    dude, you frickin RULE. that is awesome. I'm crying I'm laughing so hard.


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    Posts: 102 | From: boston, MA | Registered: Dec 2000 | IP: Logged

    jibij
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:37 PM
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    HOLY CRAP!! i already had tears running down my face when ice's story made me spit my drink on my desk.
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    Posts: 813 | From: co | Registered: Dec 2002 | IP: Logged

    Tyrone Shoelaces
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:39 PM
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    holy shit ice that's facking hilarious!
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    Posts: 1789 | From: Tahoe Summit planning war room. | Registered: Jan 2001 | IP: Logged

    lemon boy
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:45 PM
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    Oh God dude- That is one great image. F uckers making me giggle like an ass at work...
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    Posts: 750 | From: Denver, CO - US of A | Registered: Sep 2000 | IP: Logged

    beaver
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    posted July 30, 2002 01:47 PM
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    There were 5 of us out golfing. One of the girls really sucked so another was giveing her tips and showing her what to do. The one that sucked is watching the other prep for a shot and decides to step a bit closer behind her to see what she is doing better. I heard this sickening crack as she took the back swing in the head followed immediately by a squeeling scream. The other two girls in the group gathered her up and left for the hospital. Me and Dave looked at each other shrugged and played on.
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    TeleNateR
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    posted July 30, 2002 02:06 PM
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    quote:
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    Originally posted by Tyrone Shoelaces:
    holy shit ice that's facking hilarious!
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    My new office mate thought I was crying as I tried to supress my giggles.


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    Posts: 614 | From: the black pit of anger. | Registered: Dec 2002 | IP: Logged

    iceman
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    posted July 30, 2002 02:14 PM
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    In the guy's defense, that's gotta hurt, having a fire inside your head.
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    Posts: 486 | From: germantown,MD,USA.. Ski Central | Registered: Dec 2000 | IP: Logged

    BooYaa13
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    posted July 30, 2002 02:36 PM
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    ice,
    My roommate looked at me like I was an idiot while I was chuckling at the computer screen (as usual).

    I showed him the story and he spit all over me from laughing so hard.

    True story.


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  2. #2
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    Page 2
    Author Topic: Dropping in... parallel
    GT40
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    posted July 30, 2002 03:08 PM
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    Yea , I'm crying too. Thanks Iceman. And remember to thank the poor soul who took your burning match.
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    Posts: 421 | From: Northern Utah | Registered: Dec 2002 | IP: Logged

    roll - gybe
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    posted July 30, 2002 05:16 PM
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    quote:
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    Originally posted by iceman:

    I go, "Ummm..."
    The guy goes "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" and starts smacking himself in the head, trying to put the fire out. He ran away, still screaming and smacking himself in the head.

    [This message has been edited by iceman (edited 07-30-2002).]


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    OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
    LAUGHING SOOO HARD


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    Posts: 19 | Registered: Jan 2001 | IP: Logged

    Samwich
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    posted July 30, 2002 05:45 PM
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    ice, you bastard! I STILL BEAR THE SCAR! AND MY HEARING WAS PERMANENTLY DAMAGED, WHICH IS WHY I'M SHOUTING.
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    Dexter Rutecki
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    posted July 30, 2002 06:09 PM
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    I just kicked my mom in the head!
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    Posts: 1829 | From: New York, NY USA | Registered: Nov 2000 | IP: Logged

    kb1dqh
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    posted July 30, 2002 07:08 PM
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    HAHAHHAHAHA. That is some funny shit. <<need to stop laughing>> <<it's no use, can't stop>>
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    Posts: 342 | From: Oregon for school in the Winter- Maine in the Summer | Registered: Dec 2002 | IP: Logged

    vinzclortho
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    posted July 31, 2002 07:42 AM
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    quote:
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    Originally posted by Samwich:
    ice, you bastard! I STILL BEAR THE SCAR! AND MY HEARING WAS PERMANENTLY DAMAGED, WHICH IS WHY I'M SHOUTING.
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    how can we be sure the shouting isn't a side effect of the unfreezing process?

    "I'm having trouble controlling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE!!!"


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    Posts: 102 | From: boston, MA | Registered: Dec 2000 | IP: Logged

    The Reverend Floater
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    posted July 31, 2002 07:56 AM
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    That reminds me of an episode the other night. Prolly not quite as funny, but if you were there, it was ****ing hillarious.
    Me and my buddy walk out of the shadiest bar in town at about a quarter to 3 in the morning. You can imagine that we're not all there at this point, and conversation is pretty much limmited to grunting and laughing. Well, we walk out of the bar and we hear the sound of rubber screeching in combonation with a lot of cussing performed in a spanish accent. All of the sudden, this late 60's hooptie comes flying around the corner, smoke billowing out of everywhere. Now you have to remember that my friend and I are just too cockeyed idiots that just stumbled out of a normal night of drinking. We stare in disbelief as this old sedan pulls up onto the curb, the entire cabin obstructed by smoke, which seems to be pouring out of everywhere. The drivers door flies open and this 5'3" hispanic dude jumps out in a cloud of smoke and starts screaming "Help me mang, help me!!! My ride's on fire, mang!" My friend and I are just awestruck and really shitfaced. We're looking at the car, looking at eachother, looking at this semi-midget who's screaming at us, and we can't do a damned thing because we're so utterly blown away. All of the sudden a bouncer runs out of the bar with a fire extinguisher, pops the hood, and just hoses the entire engine compartment. I'm talking drenching the thing in white foam, with foam flying everywhere, until the thing is overflowing foam. "NO, Mang!" the driver starts screaming as soon as the extinguisher runs dry and everyone who had gathered quit chearing the bouncer on. "Its my ****ing seat! My seat, mang!" My friend and I were pretty much pissing ourselves laughing in amazement at this point. Much to the crowd's delight, his engine was fine, and the fire was still raging in the interior of the car, with smoke pouring out the windows. Finally, someone who was reasonably sober threw some water on the upholstery. And it died down. Any guesses as to how the fire started?


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    Posts: 1331 | From: Face Down in a Ditch | Registered: Mar 2001 | IP: Logged

    ulty_guy
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    posted July 31, 2002 08:08 AM
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    you guys are going to get me fired.
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    Posts: 662 | From: the big smoke | Registered: Dec 2002 | IP: Logged

    endlessseason
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    posted August 24, 2002 10:48 AM
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    quote:
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Originally posted by iceman:
    This doesn't have much (okay, nothing) to do with this topic, but:
    A long time ago, when you could still smoke in Airports, I got off a plane and was waiting for my luggage by the carousel thing. I pull out a smoke and some matches. Strike the match, and the flaming head flies off - RIGHT INTO THE EAR of the guy standing next to me. I mean, right inside.

    I go, "Ummm..."
    The guy goes "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" and starts smacking himself in the head, trying to put the fire out. He ran away, still screaming and smacking himself in the head.

    Never saw him again.

    True story.

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    ANOTHR THREAD I MISSED UNTIL NW. I'M CRYING MY NOSE IS RUNNIGN, I'M LAUGHING SO HARD I CANT SEE.


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    d-day
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    posted August 24, 2002 11:04 AM
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    quote:
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    Originally posted by The Reverend Floater:
    Any guesses as to how the fire started?
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    hi-octane poo?

    rev that is comedy


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    Posts: 1425 | From: zion | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged

    nakona
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    posted August 24, 2002 09:32 PM
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    quote:
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    Originally posted by iceman:
    el thing. I pull out a smoke and some matches. Strike the match, and the flaming head flies off - RIGHT INTO THE EAR of the guy standing next to me. I mean, right inside.
    I go, "Ummm..."
    The guy goes "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" and starts smacking himself in the head, trying to put the fire out. He ran away, still screaming and smacking himself in the head.

    Never saw him again.

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    It took me like 10 minutes to stop laughing at that.

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    Posts: 76 | Registered: Dec 2002 | IP: Logged

    EstoBum
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    posted August 25, 2002 10:08 AM
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    Ice ****in hilarious.
    Also finished reading that first book. Rough, but i shouldn't've expect a polished novel when the hole thing is on loose-leaf
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    Posts: 195 | From: Colorado or Ontario | Registered: Dec 2000 | IP: Logged

    focus
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    posted October 18, 2002 07:58 PM
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    HAH!
    bump


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    iceman
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    posted October 18, 2002 08:11 PM
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    thanks focus. Now to bump the "ASSHOLES" thread again...
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    Posts: 486 | From: germantown,MD,USA.. Ski Central | Registered: Dec 2000 | IP: Logged

    jibij
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    posted November 06, 2002 08:01 PM
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    bumping one of my favorite threads ever to the top to combat the insanity.
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    Posts: 813 | From: co | Registered: Dec 2002 | IP: Logged

    joshbu
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    posted November 06, 2002 08:08 PM
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    quote:
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Originally posted by iceman:
    This doesn't have much (okay, nothing) to do with this topic, but:
    A long time ago, when you could still smoke in Airports, I got off a plane and was waiting for my luggage by the carousel thing. I pull out a smoke and some matches. Strike the match, and the flaming head flies off - RIGHT INTO THE EAR of the guy standing next to me. I mean, right inside.

    I go, "Ummm..."
    The guy goes "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH" and starts smacking himself in the head, trying to put the fire out. He ran away, still screaming and smacking himself in the head.

    Never saw him again.

    True story.

    [This message has been edited by iceman (edited 07-30-2002).]


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    Absolutely best powdermag.com post ever. We should addendum this to the Welcome Wagon...


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    Posts: 419 | From: Seattle | Registered: Jan 2003 | IP: Logged

    Samwich
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    posted November 06, 2002 09:17 PM
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    good call. The best part is "Ummmm..."
    This shit still kills me. I'm crying right now, and I'd read it before at least ten times. Ice, you're a funny dood.


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    DamnINeedMoreSnow
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    posted November 07, 2002 04:15 PM
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    Ice god thats funny if you get me larphing it funny!
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    Posts: 1620 | From: Nerds and losers my freind, nerds and losers. | Registered: Dec 2002 | IP: Logged

    BobMc
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    posted March 24, 2003 10:45 PM
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    Again!

    The world is depressing lately. Let's Laugh!

    BobMc
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    Posts: 507 | From: Behind the Zion Curtain... | Registered: Dec 2002 | IP: Logged

    Dr. Crash
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    posted March 24, 2003 11:14 PM
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    quote:
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    Originally posted by iceman:
    True story.
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    It had been a while since I cried laughing. Thank you iceman.

    drC

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    If it's too steep, you're too old.

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    Posts: 863 | From: Pacific NW - 200 S9, 188 G4 | Registered: Feb 2003 | IP: Logged

    Samwich
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    posted March 25, 2003 12:07 AM
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    bump for good vibes.

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    Rehab's for quitters.

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    V.O.
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    posted March 25, 2003 01:35 AM
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    Oh iceman you gotta write another book or something.

    Or just posts like these

    I'm actually crying.

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    There's two kinds of people in this world, those with loaded guns, and those who dig. Start diggin.

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    Posts: 112 | From: Suiattle | Registered: Mar 2003 | IP: Logged

    icemang
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    posted September 13, 2003 08:31 PM
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    Just trying to help Vinz get through a working Saturday night.

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    Mrs. America tell me how is your favorite son.
    And do you really care what he has done?

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    Posts: 2961 | From: Elsewhere. | Registered: Dec 2002 | IP: Logged

    Hellfire & Damnation
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    posted September 13, 2003 09:44 PM
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    Bumping your own absofukkinglutely hilarious story...shameless.

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    Sickness wit' a quickness!

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    Posts: 1181 | From: not dum de de dum | Registered: Jan 2003 | IP: Logged

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    One of my favorites...thanks.

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    Ehhhhhggggcellent....

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    that felt good.

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    Sometimes I love being last post on a thread.

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    Originally posted by Alex P. Keaton
    Sometimes I love being last post on a thread.
    like when the thread is frozen and memorialized for all time?

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    Yeah, I just checked, it's gone. Kind of a bummer.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Überville, with the Überites!
    Posts
    2,497
    Paging Mr. Floater....

    So, how did the car seat catch on fire??
    Fighting foot fungus one public bath house at a time!

    My site

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Washington, D.C.
    Posts
    2,352
    Classic bump ^^

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    Location
    Stuck in perpetual Meh
    Posts
    35,244
    Still two of the greatest visuals ever created on these boards - the head-smacking, screaming Joe Sixpack and the hoppingly frustrated chicano...

    Kudos to two of the funniest writers on here!

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    In Your Wife
    Posts
    8,288
    Oh man, I started crying I was laughing so hard. One of the best threads ever, at since I've been around. Simply funny as hell.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Northern Utah
    Posts
    906

    Talking

    The "match" story still makes me cry.

    Thanks
    I want a 6" travel 20lb MTB. I found the 20lb MTB, but only good for riders under 87 pounds.

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