A goodbye to my Daughters MOM - RIP Michelle

[frozenwater]

I don't know where else to talk about this - so allow an old maggot to post his thoughts here.

I met Michelle when I was 17. It was a blind date at the Sandy Starship theater. I had bought tickets for Bill and Teds excellent adventure. It was the summer of 1989. She was wearing a white mini-skirt and had her trademark long brown hair all curled. It was a great movie but a bad date as she ended up falling for my best friend, Randy, who was on the double date with me. They would spend the next two years, Junior and Senior year of high school dating. As best friend I would be around for just about every dance, ride to school, lunch break, party, you name it. We were as close as we could be. I called her my little sister.

I left for a Mormon mission in the fall of 1990, she was the only friend that kept writing letters the whole two years I was gone in Indiana. I got home and we started dating. We married in May of 1993. We were so poor we first lived in the basement of a senile older woman, our rent was paid for by taking care of her. We then moved into the back of Michelle’s grandfathers garage – a 500 square foot space that used to be a mink shed. He raised and slaughtered minks there for there fur. We cleaned and converted it into a space for us to live. In 1996 we welcomed our oldest daughter into our home/shed. I was a full time student, working nights at a call center for Discover card. Michelle was a CNA, trying to get her nursing degree.
We were as poor as you could be. Her mom watched our daughter while we worked. If we budgeted right I would have enough money to rent a blockbuster movie once a month. We ate instant ramen and grew and canned whatever we could in grandpas garden. We were happy.
In 1999 we welcomed our second daughter. We bought our first home, was now working as an accountant and was now a graduate student. Michelle had earned her Nursing degree. We were as happy as we could be.
Years went by, we moved to a bigger place – I found TGR forums. We had many a party with maggots coming from all over the world. Michelle was always a great host. She loved the maggots, the maggots loved her.
Years more went by and I was offered a job being the director of operations for TGR. We moved to Jackson, then to Victor Idaho. We bought a condo, then we built a home. More parties, more maggots. Skier rockstars would crash with us. We had MADE IT. Man were we happy.
TGR hit some trouble and I left to go invest in real estate in 2007 – almost a year before Lehman bros collapsed and took the housing market with it. We went from well off to poor again. Things were stressful, and our marriage didn’t make it. We got divorced, the year was 2010. I had been best friends with Michelle for 21 years. We had been married for 17 of those.

Naturally we drifted apart, but we were still raising two beautiful daughters together – so we never really stopped talking. I remarried. She remarried. Life kept going and our daughters are 27 and 23. Life should be easier, sweeter. She was living in Hawaii, and was seemingly happy. My daughters loved her and spoke with her if not daily certainly weekly.

Friday September* (edited) 8th she committed suicide. She is gone.

I have two grieving daughters, who need a mom. I am grieving for them. I am so angry, and so so so sad for them. I am also dealing with odd sadness I didn’t think I would feel, almost feel guilty feeling. I thought when I divorced Michelle I would have broken off the part of me that would mourn her. I was wrong. I miss her potential. I miss that the girls can’t rely on two parents, its just me.

For those of you who knew her, who shared a conversation, a drink, who felt welcomed into our homes and lives – please tip one back for her. Please send my daughters whatever positive vibes you’ve got.
Goodbye to the sweet 15 year old girl I met back in 1989. It was a helluva ride. I hope you find what you were missing here.

[CarlMega]

Condolences. Sorry for you and your daughter's loss - terrible; may they find strength and peace.

[schuss]

I am so sorry. I never got to meet her but sounds like she had a lot of love in her life. Given the time differential, I hope you have all gotten help. If you haven't, definitely talk to them too.

[grskier]

Thanks for feeling you could share that here.

It is certainly healthy to grieve someone's death you were so close to for so much of your life... Do so. It'll help you help your daughters grieve.

Condolences.

[frorider]

Thanks for feeling you could share that here.

It is certainly healthy to grieve someone's death you were so close to for so much of your life... Do so. It'll help you help your daughters grieve.

Condolences.

My thoughts exactly. Condolences Frozen.

[rideit]

So, so sorry Fred, R and I send our condolences. I only met her a few times, and boy, were those some silly times…

[byates1]

I think he means this past Friday September 8th.

Wow dude. Hang tough. No words. Got a good crew here.

[Danno]

Ooof.

That was hard to read, but I'm glad that you have a place to share it.

Peace to you and your daughters. And peace to Michelle too.

[yeahman]

Vibes to your daughters and you. I can't imagine what you are all going through right now. Peace

[riser4]

Fuck. I got something in my eye.

[Core Shot]

Fuck. I got something in my eye.

Me too. Damn.

Nicely written life story. This place is always your home frozen. Never met you but I miss your posts. What a sucky event. Sending love and vibes to you and the girls.

[ex-powderbroker]

For anyone ever contemplating suicide I wish I could tell them there’s no reason to do anything today that you can’t put off for tomorrow. It hurts to lose someone and the pain never goes away. I am so sorry for your family’s loss. I hope you can take care of each other.

[zion zig zag]

Holy shit, Frozen. I know you have my number, please call me if you want to chat.

[Bunion 2020]

Thank you for sharing that. It could not have been easy and I sincerely hope it helped. RIP Michelle.

[up an down]

Very sad Fred..��������.... The two of you were wonderful hosts at the house party during the Jackson summit.. I was fortunate enough to have some great conversations with both of you that night... Grief is difficult to deal with, even more so with a suicide ..it will take time to recover emotionally... Good luck and best wishes to you and your daughters!.

[Buster Highmen]

Condolences and love Fred.

[bennymac]

Not at all “odd” that you are feeling this sadness - she may have been your ex-wife but she was still your wife for some of the most formative years of your life and you brought your daughters into this world and raised them.

We don’t know each other - and this is the internet - so take this unrequested advice in the spirit of kindness: be careful not to downplay how traumatic an event this is for you.

For your sake and for your daughters sake consider getting some counseling - even if only temporarily. Humans are not great at figuring out how to deal with shitty situations like this in a healthy way.

Regardless I hope you and your daughters find some semblance of peace and healing.

[Cruiser]

RIP Michelle

[Dantheman]

For anyone ever contemplating suicide I wish I could tell them there’s no reason to do anything today that you can’t put off for tomorrow.

A permanent solution to a temporary problem.

So sorry for you and your family, Fred

[PNWbrit]

My deepest condolences Frozen.

[MontuckyFried]

I am SO sorry for you and your daughters' loss. I'm at a loss for words, but glad you felt you could share with us. Crazy as this place may seem, we're all here for you. Always feel free to reach out.

[Buzzworthy]

So so sorry to hear this Fred. Michelle was such a nice person. I wish you and your daughters eventual healing. And having battled these demons myself for far too many years I hope she’s found some semblance of peace.

[Trackhead]

So sorry to read this. Heart felt words.

[Harry]

Echoing others, it’s perfectly reasonable for you to mourn her passing. Part of that is your heartfelt post here. Thank you for opening up to us, and I wish the best for your family in this time of grief.

[SkiBall]

Very sad, and yet positive you have a place to let it out. So often many are somehow taught to keep a stiff upper lip whatever bullshit, when what we really need is connection of some sorts to know that we aren’t alone. So props for putting it out there. Suicide is a kick in the gut. Positive vibes for you all as you move forward with this. Forward is what we do.