Still married…

[gaijin]

Chime in, homies.

What have you overcome that has made you grateful you didn’t throw in the towel?

For me it was years of pitching a major, international sports comp that had us at each other’s throats. I mean, venture capital is a bitch.

Almost lost her to putting my career first. Thankfully she had the balls to call me on it.

Our 17th anniversary is this month, and we’ve never been happier.

Surely you’ve seen some shit.

Care to spill? Perhaps inspire others to push through?

I’m in a mixed cultural marriage. I’ll be upfront and center that A) It’s hard and B) It’s glorious.

Here is a thread to the celebration of marriage.

That woman makes me stronger every day.

[Peruvian]

I just shared in another thread how yesterday was the 35th anniversary of when my now wife and I really became a couple. We didn’t get married for another 6 years though. Next year will be 30 years married. She has had to put up with a lot (me not as much) so hats off to her.

Some time in the late 80s.

[BC.]

I just shared in another thread how yesterday was the 35th anniversary of when my now wife and I really became a couple. We didn’t get married for another 6 years though. Next year will be 30 years married. She has had to put up with a lot (me not as much) so hats off to her.

Some time in the late 80s.

You knew she was a keeper when you could pound Bud Heavies with her.



I knew mine was a keeper (24 years) when she could out chug me and my friends….(and we “were” pretty fast) She’s never been beaten/ just ask my NYFD friends. Her latest exploits were against my daughters friends at UVM graduation in May….let’s just say, she killed those UVM boys.

Looking forward…..hoping for a life together in the mountains…

[SumJongGuy]

Toughest thing I/we went through was our first child being stillborn. Sitting in the maternity ward and every time i went out to smoke or get food everyone else all around was so happy, talking about their new babies asking if we had a boy or a girl in the elevator etc.. Had to go home and take down the crib and all the other stuff in the nursery room we had set up. I hear about couples who fall apart after the loss of a child. This made us stronger.. We quickly found out what went wrong and it turned out the leading specialist in that field was a friend at the church we were going to.

We now have two healthy, smart, beautiful kids in college.

That was definitely the low point. It keeps getting better and better. Shit still goes wrong, both been out of work wondering if we were going to lose our house at times. But, together in and through it all..

[subtle plague]

Well we're still here. 21 years. 11 married. 2 young kids isn't easy, but we had more trouble post marriage pre kids.
The Keeper pic.
Her in AK.

[liv2ski]

I have known my wife and best friend for 44 years now and we just had our 39th anniversary this month. Like most couples, we hit a really bad place about 25 years ago. We had become "Married Singles". Luckily my wife found a marriage encounter program called Retrouvaille. Not going to lie, a lot of damage had been caused, mostly by me and it took me many years to win back her trust. Luckily I owned my behavior and did everything I could from that day forward to show her how much I love her everyday.
Glad we had the happy ending, as now in retirement, I honestly feel closer to her now than ever before. We have many plans, but also just really enjoy hanging out with each other. If your part of the 50% that make it til "Death do you part" it is a wonderful thing.

[SumJongGuy]

Am I the only one here married over 20 years to someone who doesn't ski or like anything about winter except a roaring fire and big pot of chili?

We like a lot of the same things for different reasons. But our top core hobbies are completely different..

[farmguy]

Am I the only one here married over 20 years to someone who doesn't ski or like anything about winter except a roaring fire and big pot of chili?

We like a lot of the same things for different reasons. But our top core hobbies are completely different..

Same here, married 30+ and she tried to ski...too damn cold and afraid of heights stopped that. She tried to get to to change but that wasnt happening. I ski/bike, she chills at home and we hike some. Now I have "tempered" my monster ski trips, last one was 6 days heli skiing several yrs ago.

[liv2ski]

Am I the only one here married over 20 years to someone who doesn't ski or like anything about winter except a roaring fire and big pot of chili?

We like a lot of the same things for different reasons. But our top core hobbies are completely different..

Likely the case with most of us.

[JayPowHound]

My struggles with booze almost cost me everything, with the marriage at the top of the list.

Happily sober now and things are better than they've been for years.

Celebrating 14 years married next month, together for 18.. things are looking good for the long run!

[singlecross]

My struggles with booze almost cost me everything, with the marriage at the top of the list.

Happily sober now and things are better than they've been for years.

Celebrating 14 years married next month, together for 18.. things are looking good for the long run!

Me too. I’m a self described Jim Morrison drunk… real fun until it isn’t.

Together for 30 years and married for 23. She is a patient, persistent person and I’m thankful that she waited while I put in the work to stop drinking. She says that she always saw my potential to be an amazing partner and parent. I try to live up to that everyday now.

She also says that I was living in a van when she met me and I can go back to that anytime I want to crack some beers. Good for her setting clear boundaries.

[riser4]

Everyone knows that vans are for smoking doobies down by the river, not drinking.

[Kenny Satch]

I used to wish my wife was into everything I was but soon into our marriage I realized it was a blessing.
That 'me time' made me a happier man because I never felt I needed a break from her when times were good.

As for struggles man I don't have enough time to list them all but 18 yrs together only the first 5 were the really good. Once we had to do fertility it almost killed our relationship. It was a disaster. Her eggs were all but gone. Couldn't get her to go for donor eggs or adopt. She kinda lost her mind and we went for being like rabbits to a dry marriage. In retrospect it was the beginning of her Alzheimers as I learned in time. It just doesn't happen. It takes a decade or more before it gets bad. I nearly left her but even with very little passion I keep being loyal. Not easy at all. Once I knew she was not well all was forgiven and now the passion and love making has made a return but it's more affection than sex. I'm OK with that. Perhaps the years of being a single horndog seemed to balance out all those years of too much sex for those marriage years of hardly any sex.

Maria is love of my life and I'm so lucky to be the one to take care of her. The fact is I was a selfish man before I met her and she changed me for the better. Freaks me out we were setup and went on a blind date. What was suppose to be an hour turned into 5 hours. 2 months later she moved in. What a rollercoaster ride it been ever since.

[The AD]

Same here, married 30+ and she tried to ski...too damn cold and afraid of heights stopped that. She tried to get to to change but that wasnt happening. I ski/bike, she chills at home and we hike some. Now I have "tempered" my monster ski trips, last one was 6 days heli skiing several yrs ago.

Same, and honestly maybe it's for the best. Not that I'm Mr. Extremo, but there's no way she'd get to my level trying to start late in life, so I have a feeling skiing with her wouldn't be all that exciting. She still enjoys going to Whistler and I take other ski trips with just my guy friends. That works for me. I enjoy my solitude, too. I don't need to share every interest with my wife to be happy.

[Cisco Kid]

You're a good man Charlie Brown, er Kenny.

59 years total. 54 married. She always got interested in doing what I was into at the time. First dirt bikes and XC ski, then raising kids and garden crops, fishing, then golf. Now she's and obsessive compulsive gardener and town volunteer do-gooder and shoos me away to ski or golf or just be someplace else while she plays in the garden. None of the years married were stress free. Another woman would have been justified to tell me to hit the road a time or two. I said I Do and never thought what if or
looked back. But I'd have to go back past the time I was 15.

[::: :::]

25th anniversary this past January + 5yrs dating prior
she pretended to dig skiing at first; but now says just go do your thing, i'll be here when you get back [not that that's an unlimited time, just that we acknowledge balancing needs]
she'll suggest modest ski trips sometimes, but any larger vacations aren't really available as ski/fish-focused trips [not in the right income bracket to just pull the trigger on that type of expense without negotiation on all the details]

[Kenny Satch]

You're a good man Charlie Brown, er Kenny..

[SumJongGuy]

Whoah, dementia is heavy and sucks as bad as anything people actually live through. One of my best friends is dealing with it. His wife asks him 704735075 times a day what's for supper. They have the same one sided arguments over and over. I have an uncle also dealing with my aunt.. family issue as my mom spent her last decade in the throes of it.. Threw away all our family photo albums and my dad's military medals because she thought they weren't hers.. We got most of the medals back by a miracle 10 years later.. someone found me, same name, and called me. When it got worse I had to lie whenever she asked about someone who was no longer alive, dad a lot.. Telling the truth was just mean as she'd start balling like the first time and grief starts over and over..

So anyway I've told my wife she might have this on the horizon too.

[schindlerpiste]

I met my wife when she was 19 and I was 27. She has been putting up with my nonsense ever since. I am very grateful that she is very tolerant on so many levels.

[Kenny Satch]

Whoah, dementia is heavy and sucks as bad as anything people actually live through. One of my best friends is dealing with it. His wife asks him 704735075 times a day what's for supper. They have the same one sided arguments over and over. I have an uncle also dealing with my aunt.. family issue as my mom spent her last decade in the throes of it.. Threw away all our family photo albums and my dad's military medals because she thought they weren't hers.. We got most of the medals back by a miracle 10 years later.. someone found me, same name, and called me. When it got worse I had to lie whenever she asked about someone who was no longer alive, dad a lot.. Telling the truth was just mean as she'd start balling like the first time and grief starts over and over..

So anyway I've told my wife she might have this on the horizon too.

My mom:s sister who had it really bad would ask for my mom that died back in 2004. So my cousins lied and told all kinds of things. She couldn't keep crying everytime they told her the truth so good on you for doing that.

As for your wife please check out the work Dr. Newport has done. https://youtu.be/Dvh3JhsrQ0w it's helped my wife and I also got her on Nux Moschata which worked wonders on her during menopause 4 yrs ago and since the symptoms of foggy brain is similar I tried again with the help of a natural practitioner to start her on the right dosage. He speculated her nervous system needed help so she's been on it now for a year. Huge difference in alertness and energy. Don't know if can help others as its helped her but it's worth a shot.
Lots of stuff on this worth checking like the connection between the gut and brain with SIBO and C-Diif. https://youtu.be/ETKZS5e33VA

I've been able to slowdown the effects but it is a losing battle but every day, month, year I keep her happy and healthy is more I get to be with her until the worst happens. Early treatment is key and that why I wish I had realized it wasn't menopause but something worse. Good luck.

[Meadow Skipper]

My wife (barely intermediate skier) was super-tolerant of my going on ‘adventures’

She passed away a few years ago and not a day goes by that I don’t deeply, deeply regret the times I was a less than ideal partner. There were too many of those. I’m just sayin’ that, hoping it provides some perspective.

My first wife can go fuck herself though.

[Kenny Satch]

My wife (barely intermediate skier) was super-tolerant of my going on ‘adventures’

She passed away a few years ago and not a day goes by that I don’t deeply, deeply regret the times I was a less than ideal partner. There were too many of those. I’m just sayin’ that, hoping it provides some perspective.

My first wife can go fuck herself though.

Sorry for you loss. I have always had respect for couples that ski together at a higher skill sets and even more so that hold back to make the day not about the better skier.

With my limited big mountain skiing to once a year we had no time or holding back as to miss out on wonder staches. We used to say on powder days "see you down the hill or I'll se later"
We had a code that fresh powder has no friends and if you can't keep up then you can't keep me:us from holding back. It motivated the others to do better. It didn't take long for the unsure to keep up.
Its selfish but a one a year trip cave us no option. I'm sure that wouldn't change even if we lived near big mountains.
Save for tree skiing we were always 2 or 3 and never lost sight of the others. Carrying walkie talkies and whistles keep each other safe.
There's something magical about finding felines and dome 6 maybe 6 years ago a Vail it puked 4 days straight. Each day were and fewer could should up from Denver. Were in Avon and access was a none issue. China Bowl, Mongolian Bowl and all kinds of waist deep fresh gnar ghar and we didn't miss a thing. To this day it was the best powder skiing we ever did. My Volkl Bridge were amazing whe I really went with Gotchas. Man there are time we bought weak skiers and I looked like the whole for taking off from the inept crowd and went it alone or with my your brother that skins like me.
Talking about getting 4 days of training and learning how to bounce in powder with no leg pain was purely ZEN moments. Find me a woman that can do that and I'm would love to se her be with some looking for a real partner.

[subtle plague]

Great stories. I don't know how I'd do if I lost her.

But honestly what's up with Americans and Alcohol abuse? I know one distant uncle who had an issue but here it's like 2 out of 10 people in the thread.
I always thought it funny that in TV Shows characters drink all the time, but maybe it's really that bad? I mean I know there is a dedicated drinker thread on tgr, but I have never clicked.

[gaijin]

Bro— I’ll allow it.

If you want to tie alcohol abuse into the still married/divorced equation, I’ll allow it.

I’ll allow it because I’m OP and I’m a raging alcoholic American… who is still married.

I’ve recently quit. But damn if that isn’t some American-assed accepted failure.

Tragically, being hung over at your desk in the morning at work is even more acceptable in Japan. People think it’s cool.

I thank my wife for pointing her finger in my face. She was the only one out of EVERYONE that had the courage to call me out.

Alcoholism is a disease. Thank god for wives.

I don’t know what this has to do with Americans other than I am one.

Americans, as a generalized group, let their health go decades ago. And for some reason Japan is following suit.

Interesting thread drift.

[liv2ski]

I was told last week my moms guy (kind of like my step dad but they are not married) is such a raging alcoholic, his brain scan showed a hole in his brain. That shock me pretty hard, as I too like to drink and joke I am am a highly functioning alch. Anyways, I have laid off the booze, as I need to get my health in order. In a week my wife said she already lost 3 lbs, so we are headed in the right direction.