The "I'm an idiot" Thread

[Dumbest Known Time]

Winter of 2021 I flew down to Baja for a two week bikepacking trip. I'm the last one of our group of 10 to arrive at the Airbnb and arrive about 5pm the night before we start riding. I knock back a few drinks, catch up with the buds, track down some pesos, buy food for my first week and around 11pm I decide its about time I start building up my bike. I get it unboxed, throw on the wheels, attach some racks, reattach the handebars blah blah blah. Go to take it for a spin, pedal down the path towards the two step staircase down the street, turn the bars for a little counter-steer correction aaaaaaaaaand I hadn't tightened the stem bolts. The bars turn sideways, the wheel doesn't move and I go ass over teakettle down the two stairs. I'm fine but my derailleur is sheared in half.

This was in the height of the covid parts shortages and a shimano 12 speed derailleur of any flavor was unobtanium. I spent the whole night thinking about how to salvage a two week bike trip with a non-functional bike. By dawn I had made peace with my fate and waved goodbye as the crew rode off. I rolled down to a bike shop listed on google maps and lo and behold, they had the biggest stash of components I had seen in a full year. Got myself a new derailleur, they bent my hanger back into shape, I pedaled hard and caught the crew in time for lunch.

[bennymac]

^amazing - what a roller coaster

Reminded me of a similar but not as crazy/not as story worthy desperate visit to a bike shop in Jaco in Costa Rica before La Ruta. Back then I was an idiot with bikes 100% of the time. Now I’m batting 50/50.

[Thaleia]

Yeah that's a kick ass story. And total silver lining - it was better to discover that that evening as opposed at the start of the event, no?

[jm2e]

Forget to pack wife's shoes for bike park trip. Buy shoes 2 sizes to big. Wife grumpy for 2 days. Sell shoes for 40% of what I paid.

Bring 2 left gloves. Learn that turning a left glove inside out makes a really shitty right glove.

Keep ebike batteries half charged because that's supposed to be better for them. Head out for morning Turkey Day ride before parents show up. Pedal up 1500' with no battery on a 50lbs bike while wife is pissed because we only got one lap.

Leave keys and phone sitting on top of car for 2 hour ride.

I could go on and on and on. This is the shit that will flash before my eyes on my death bed. Well, a whole bunch of non-bike stuff too.

[SumJongGuy]

Kids over age 8 (and spouses) pack their own fucking gear.

[XXX-er]

way back in the day driling a hole in a newspaper carrier & strut but also thru the tire

[rideit]

way back in the day driling a hole in a newspaper carrier & strut but also thru the tire

[toast2266]

way back in the day driling a hole in a newspaper carrier & strut but also thru the tire

[g_man80]

Installed new brakes tonight. Cut hose to length, install barb and olive, insert into lever body, torque nut, bleed, and stand back to appreciate no drama no mess. Then realize the rubber hose cover is sitting on the work bench. Luckily I had another barb and olive. Sad to say that’s probably the third time I’ve done that in recent years.

[bagtagley]

Leave keys and phone sitting on top of car for 2 hour ride.

GWNF several years ago, locked my keys in the car. I’m miles from service, nobody around to help, so I broke the little rear triangle window with a rock to get in.

A year later parked in the same spot, same thing. This time there were other riders in the lot, but I didn’t have the patience to deal with it. Broke the little triangle window again.

[rideit]

That is pretty much the main reason my wife insisted we have OnStar.

[Dee Hubbs]

I refuse to set anything on top of the car. No gloves, googles, sunglasses, coffee cups.
I adhere to a strict zero roof set down policy.

[bagtagley]

That is pretty much the main reason my wife insisted we have OnStar.

Fortunately, it's not possible to lock the keys in either of our current vehicles.

I refuse to set anything on top of the car. No gloves, googles, sunglasses, coffee cups.
I adhere to a strict zero roof set down policy.

Same here. It's funny, I still occasionally try to do it, but my subconscious prevents it from happening. My hand will hover over the roof for a few seconds while I process what's happening.

[chicken feathers]

I’ve got one…Early 2000’s, I’m a teenager, friends and I got our first legit bikes and spent summers riding anything we can around Ohio, mostly moto trails, gravel pits or dirtjumps and skinnies that we’d make ourselves. There were like 5 mtb trails in the state then. I’d never drink enough water or eat enough food so I was always bonking and doing dumb shit. Even for a teenager.

One afternoon I decided there was something wrong w/ my rear derailleur, or maybe my brake. So I flip the bike over and start spinning the pedals to see whats up. Somehow I end up putting my index finger into the disc brake…Sliced it up bad in 4 spots which looked like bloody shark gills. The sound it made was brutal 😬. I about went into shock in the following 15 minutes. My friends did a good job getting me out of the woods and to one of their houses where an older sister who was training to be a nurse packaged me up.

The doctors were able to save it, but my finger is about 1/8” shorter than the other one now, and pretty obviously fkd up. But it works despite some numbness.

I blame it on being a dumbass.

I always chuckle now when I remove the warning sticker from new rotors.

[chicken feathers]

^ after Sx they put my hand in a cast which I modded so I could ride 🤙

[toast2266]

I’ve got one…Early 2000’s, I’m a teenager, friends and I got our first legit bikes and spent summers riding anything we can around Ohio, mostly moto trails, gravel pits or dirtjumps and skinnies that we’d make ourselves. There were like 5 mtb trails in the state then. I’d never drink enough water or eat enough food so I was always bonking and doing dumb shit. Even for a teenager.

One afternoon I decided there was something wrong w/ my rear derailleur, or maybe my brake. So I flip the bike over and start spinning the pedals to see whats up. Somehow I end up putting my index finger into the disc brake…Sliced it up bad in 4 spots which looked like bloody shark gills. The sound it made was brutal [emoji51]. I about went into shock in the following 15 minutes. My friends did a good job getting me out of the woods and to one of their houses where an older sister who was training to be a nurse packaged me up.

The doctors were able to save it, but my finger is about 1/8” shorter than the other one now, and pretty obviously fkd up. But it works despite some numbness.

I blame it on being a dumbass.

I always chuckle now when I remove the warning sticker from new rotors.

I did something similar, probably around the same time. Took the tip of my finger off in a rotor, but somehow *just* missed the bone. They sewed it back on and is thankfully normal now.

[snowaddict91]

Lol. When my brother and I were teenagers (also in Ohio in the 2000s) he was working on something on the rear end of his bike. I came into the shop and spun the wheel being funny, slicing the shit out of his finger. Had to drive him to urgent care to get stitches. He was pissed at me for a while.

[bagtagley]

I did something similar, probably around the same time. Took the tip of my finger off in a rotor, but somehow *just* missed the bone. They sewed it back on and is thankfully normal now.

Yep, I'm also a proud member of the "almost lost my finger tip to a spinning rotor" club.

[sf]

Bought a new Lyrik
Removed the old Pike
Removed the crown race
Measured. Twice
Cut steerer
Rounded edges
Put the star nut in
Used a rubber hammer to put the crown race on
Except actually using the rubber side

Now I have a bunch of nice scuff marks on my brand new steerer

[gavinski91]

GWNF several years ago, locked my keys in the car. I’m miles from service, nobody around to help, so I broke the little rear triangle window with a rock to get in.

A year later parked in the same spot, same thing. This time there were other riders in the lot, but I didn’t have the patience to deal with it. Broke the little triangle window again.

I always thought the keypads on the driver side door on Fords was a dumb gimmick, until I got one. It's saved me plenty of times now.

[XtrPickels]

Installed new brakes tonight. Cut hose to length, install barb and olive, insert into lever body, torque nut, bleed, and stand back to appreciate no drama no mess. Then realize the rubber hose cover is sitting on the work bench. Luckily I had another barb and olive. Sad to say that’s probably the third time I’ve done that in recent years.

Everytime I service my shock I reinstall it in the frame without the o-ring. Every Single Time.

In your instance I would have sliced open the rubber cover, slipped it over the hose, wrapped in electrical tape, and walked away.

[mcski]

Went to remove caliper from frame but instead of frame bolt my brain decided it would be better to loosen the bleed bolt. It was so dumb it took much longer than it should have to realize why i suddenly had a oil mess everywhere. Idiot

[bagtagley]

I always thought the keypads on the driver side door on Fords was a dumb gimmick, until I got one. It's saved me plenty of times now.

I somehow inherited my grandmother’s Lincoln Towncar in college after getting t-boned in my car. Baby blue with white leather interior. Choice. I wore the keypad out on that thing.

Topical, you could fit two full bikes with the wheels removed in that trunk. My bike basically lived in there. We’d just finished riding and I loaded the bike but got sidetracked bullshitting and left the wheels. Didn’t realize it until the next day when I opened the trunk at the trailhead ready to ride. I called all the bike shops in town to let them know and got a call a week later that somebody had them. Dude was really strange. Basically admitted that he almost kept them and that he only contacted the shop in the hopes of getting a reward. I was a broke college student, so I handed him a couple hot Gennie Summer Brews from the depths of the trunk and GTFO.

[XtrPickels]

Gennie Summer Brews from the depths of the trunk and GTFO.

Upstate? I've had one too many Cream Ale's in my life...

[EWG]

When my kids were little and I wasn’t sleeping at all (cause they would fucking never sleep at night) I unpacked our stuff from a bike trip. Somehow left my front mtn bike wheel leaning up against the car, forgetting about it overnight. Chris King hub, custom built, the whole nine yards. 3 days later I realize it’s not in the garage, and of course it’s long gone at this point.

Chris King was a sponsor, and I couldn’t get any more hubs from them for the year. No way could I afford to replace the wheel retail. And I didn’t have enough energy or time to build a new wheel anyway.


So my response was to just ride a cross bike for a year till I could get a new hub from Chris King. Moab, Fruita, Monarch Crest, races - everywhere.

So it was an idiotic move in the first place that I doubled down on by responding like an idiot.