Conspiracy Theories - Ranked

[riser4]

Overheard in waiting room at local tire shop.

2 otherwise normal looking guys, one telling the other the reason for all the disagreement and hate in the US these days is from Cell Phones, the cell signal has a program hidden that makes people either far left or far right and its all part of a plan.

Oh boy.

[jono]

Overheard in waiting room at local tire shop.

2 otherwise normal looking guys, one telling the other the reason for all the disagreement and hate in the US these days is from Cell Phones, the cell signal has a program hidden that makes people either far left or far right and its all part of a plan.

Point of order: I think this thread should be reserved for things that aren't literally true and right out in the open.

[Kevo]

My astrophysicist college roommate who now runs a team of finance quants/ data scientists for a major bank recently told me that his off the wall conspiracy theory is that the earth is being terraformed on behalf of a species of extraterrestrial life that would prefer the climate to be warmer.

All you'd have to do is bribe decision makers in several major economic powers and within a few hundred years the earth's climate could be adapted for a species that needs substantially warmer temps.

He knows it is far flung and still thinks of it in terms of probabilities (what are the chances that humanity is this stupid and bad at managing our own shit vs the terraform theory, maybe 100:1) but I do find it interesting that he has assigned a probability to said theory.

[JimmyCarter]

My astrophysicist college roommate who now runs a team of finance quants/ data scientists for a major bank recently told me that his off the wall conspiracy theory is that the earth is being terraformed on behalf of a species of extraterrestrial life that would prefer the climate to be warmer.

All you'd have to do is bribe decision makers in several major economic powers and within a few hundred years the earth's climate could be adapted for a species that needs substantially warmer temps.

He knows it is far flung and still thinks of it in terms of probabilities (what are the chances that humanity is this stupid and bad at managing our own shit vs the terraform theory, maybe 100:1) but I do find it interesting that he has assigned a probability to said theory.

All part of the simulation

[Bunion 2020]

Do you mean The Matrix?

[JimmyCarter]

Do you mean The Matrix?

Sure, without all the human batteries

[TBS]

Overheard in waiting room at local tire shop.

2 otherwise normal looking guys, one telling the other the reason for all the disagreement and hate in the US these days is from Cell Phones, the cell signal has a program hidden that makes people either far left or far right and its all part of a plan.

This is fascinating- so many questions
- who is the mastermind behind this plan?
- how does this program cause polarization?
- how does the app decide who should be a liberal vs conservative? Random assignations? By zip code? In what proportions?
- do the masterminds have cell phones?
- If so, how can anyone be sure the purported masterminds haven’t been compromised by the REAL masterminds?
- how is it that with jillions of cell phones out there, nobody has yet discovered this hidden app and outed the whole scheme?
- what happens if a liberal calls or texts a conservative (or vice versa). Do both phones explode, like when matter and antimatter collide?

[XXX-er]

Overheard in waiting room at local tire shop.

2 otherwise normal looking guys, one telling the other the reason for all the disagreement and hate in the US these days is from Cell Phones, the cell signal has a program hidden that makes people either far left or far right and its all part of a plan.

2 words ... Tin foil

and according to my pharmacist its got to be real tin foil not that aluminuim foil and use 2 layers in yer ball cap for good measure


edit: Buddy said this deadpan as he was giving me Covid #3, I told him I wasn't even feeling magnetised and not to worry cuz this won't hurt a bit

[TBS]

Speaking of tinfoil…

When I was in grad school, Ms TBS worked for a doctor. One patient who came in didn’t want to remove his pants (I forget the malady but it necessitated a view of lower body skin).

As it turned out he was wearing pantyhose under his pants, to keep aluminum foil in place that covered his genitalia. He was concerned that Aliens were messing with people’s reproductive systems using radio waves, and this was the way to block the influence.

This was in Eugene OR for those of you familiar with its inhabitants…

[AK47bp]

I once had someone who’s job it was to educate children tell me with a straight face that an old white man controls everything and everyone in the universe and every human has a predetermined life and if you’re bad you go to a place where your skin melts for eternity when you die.

Fucked up.

[Art Shirk]

If you guys wanna see delusion, check out r/gangstalking on Reddit.


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[Buster Highmen]

Speaking of tinfoil…

When I was in grad school, Ms TBS worked for a doctor. One patient who came in didn’t want to remove his pants (I forget the malady but it necessitated a view of lower body skin).

As it turned out he was wearing pantyhose under his pants, to keep aluminum foil in place that covered his genitalia. He was concerned that Aliens were messing with people’s reproductive systems using radio waves, and this was the way to block the influence.

This was in Eugene OR for those of you familiar with its inhabitants…

An Atrioid?

The Atrium was ground zero for weirdos bitd.

[mcski]

BGknight got covid from the Chemtrailz

[Thaleia]

I once had someone who’s job it was to educate children tell me with a straight face that an old white man controls everything and everyone in the universe and every human has a predetermined life and if you’re bad you go to a place where your skin melts for eternity when you die.

Fucked up.

Driving through Kansas recently, this uninitiated Canadian was surprised at all the religious (and trump) billboards along the freeway. Kinda freaky if you're not used to it. They all seem to worship some sort of cross. Sounds really cultish, hope it doesn't catch on.

[kootenayskier]

Explains in entertaining detail how the US selected for and cultivated the deluded and gullible.
https://www.kurtandersen.com/fantasyland



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[lowsparkco]

This thread reminds me of a kid I helped train to be a raft guide about 10 years ago.

He's on social media and started filming a ton of weird selfie interviews with a lot of paranoid delusional theories mixed into the dialogue. I reached out to a friend who was our head boatman at the time and he said it all came apart a few seasons after I left. I guess the kid hit the magical age where his Schizophrenia kicked in. He went to two separate professionals that diagnosed him. Super sad. Shocks me his family isn't more adamant that he live at home, stay on meds, gets more help. His meds clearly aren't right.

[MultiVerse]

Overheard in waiting room at local tire shop.

2 otherwise normal looking guys, one telling the other the reason for all the disagreement and hate in the US these days is from Cell Phones, the cell signal has a program hidden that makes people either far left or far right and its all part of a plan.

Point of order: I think this thread should be reserved for things that aren't literally true and right out in the open.

This is fascinating- so many questions
- who is the mastermind behind this plan?
- how does this program cause polarization?
- how does the app decide who should be a liberal vs conservative? Random assignations? By zip code? In what proportions?
- do the masterminds have cell phones?
- If so, how can anyone be sure the purported masterminds haven’t been compromised by the REAL masterminds?
- how is it that with jillions of cell phones out there, nobody has yet discovered this hidden app and outed the whole scheme?
- what happens if a liberal calls or texts a conservative (or vice versa). Do both phones explode, like when matter and antimatter collide?

A theory of conspiracy theory: the demand for alternative facts always and everywhere creates its own supply.

[XXX-er]

I think Covid really brought out the whackos

[TBS]

^^^Nah, before Covid there was Area 51, chemtrails, the fake moon landing and a gazillion others.
The internet provided an accelerant.

An Atrioid?

The Atrium was ground zero for weirdos bitd.

Don’t recall - she did say he was “an aging hippie”
Weird was normal in EUG back then.

[Art Shirk]

Has anyone seen Core Shot and Dean Cummings in the same room?


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[Core Shot]

Heh. As the resident trg conspiracy nut job I’m laughing at some of these anecdotes.

Dismiss me you can. But there’s some weird shit that’s true. And then there is some off the wall shit that people with no science background believe.

“Conspiracy theorist” was invented by the cia to assault JFK assasination questions.
Fact

And I forgot to add MK Ultra to my list. That shit is bizarre.
Also Tuskegee Syphilus experiment. What the fuck is wrong with some people in charge?
Fact fact fuck these fuckers.

[dunfree]

Heh. As the resident trg conspiracy nut job I’m laughing at some of these anecdotes.

Dismiss me you can. But there’s some weird shit that’s true. And then there is some off the wall shit that people with no science background believe.

“Conspiracy theorist” was invented by the cia to assault JFK assasination questions.
Fact

And I forgot to add MK Ultra to my list. That shit is bizarre.
Also Tuskegee Syphilus experiment. What the fuck is wrong with some people in charge?
Fact fact fuck these fuckers.

racist crackers did racist cracker shit and you don’t like the answer

[old goat]

This thread reminds me of a kid I helped train to be a raft guide about 10 years ago.

He's on social media and started filming a ton of weird selfie interviews with a lot of paranoid delusional theories mixed into the dialogue. I reached out to a friend who was our head boatman at the time and he said it all came apart a few seasons after I left. I guess the kid hit the magical age where his Schizophrenia kicked in. He went to two separate professionals that diagnosed him. Super sad. Shocks me his family isn't more adamant that he live at home, stay on meds, gets more help. His meds clearly aren't right.

Schizophrenia is the disease that makes the people who are supposed to love you not want to help you.

[jono]

Schizophrenia is the disease that makes the people who are supposed to love you not want to help you.

Serially. A guy I've known forever has had it for almost 20 years with the usual ups and downs. His brother once remarked that his setbacks were basically his own fault because his friend selection encouraged his self-delusion: "hang out psychos and you become a psycho."

I kinda hope he's more wrong than I expect, but his theory seems to be gaining strength as time goes by.

[AK47bp]

Driving through Kansas recently, this uninitiated Canadian was surprised at all the religious (and trump) billboards along the freeway. Kinda freaky if you're not used to it. They all seem to worship some sort of cross. Sounds really cultish, hope it doesn't catch on.

Yea, I was sent to overnight bible camp in the West Virginia wilderness for 3 weeks in the summers, Catholic school bible class before my science class, being taught by a priest then learning evolution in the same day. Fucks kids up I’m sure.

In a couple hundred years my hope is the current “god(s)” will become myth same as the Greek and Roman gods are now.