Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[stapes]

Trust me, the 4 years old screaming when you turn off Gabby’s Dollhouse after the pre-negotiated amount of TV time (so that you can cook dinner or some other trivial yet mission critical household task) is way way worse (in both severity and duration) than the 4 month old screaming after a poke!
[emoji2957][emoji2957][emoji2957][emoji2957][emoji2957]

Welcome to the madhouse!

Have you been hanging out at my house when I’m not around?!?!

[present tense]

Just an update on navigating first cell phone for oldest, wife has gone full on panic and anxiety and has 3 apps/phone features enabled to track activity, content and check-in what seems to be constantly the last several days. The kid is not up to anything mischievous but somehow wife thinks only worse possible outcomes.

My take on other hand is keep an eye on things, maybe enable some parental controls and continue encouraging good behavior. It has been a positive outlet socially, he connects with other friends and we’re able to stay in touch. I guess I’m seeing more of the positive side.

Geez, what a nightmare. This is more of rant, thanks community for allowing me to vent.

[anotherVTskibum]

This x1000. It's like walking in NYC, you don't make eye contact.

With my daughter, this is 100% true.

With my son, eye contact isn't a problem; he'll plow his strider into the ground and look up at me not because he's about to burst into tears, but because he's completely tangled and wants help lifting the bike off. Terrifying to watch, but he has fun. I'm not quite sure how he'd react to actual injury and am hoping not to find out terribly soon.

[muted reborn]

Money would seem like a poor substitute for a perfectly healthy child.

Well, how much money are we talking about here?

[subtle plague]

Well, how much money are we talking about here?

Heh.... rumor has it that scrdshtlss has auctioned off 2 or 3 after they cried.

[skaredshtles]

Well, how much money are we talking about here?

Dude's obviously really early into this whole "Dad" game.

[skaredshtles]

Heh.... rumor has it that scrdshtlss has auctioned off 2 or 3 after they cried.

They go for surprisingly little $$ after about age 4.

[subtle plague]

They go for surprisingly little $$ after about age 4.

I know it's a long Wait but it pays off. Wait until they can Performance heavy Labor at age 12!

[skaredshtles]

I know it's a long Wait but it pays off. Wait until they can Performance heavy Labor at age 12!

Not around here. They get super-lazy around the 12-13 age, and you pretty much can't GIVE them away.

[Touring_Sedan]

I know it's a long Wait but it pays off. Wait until they can Performance heavy Labor at age 12!

Fuck waiting for 12. Start 'em young.

[SkiLyft]

Must be my kid…





Sent from my iPhone using TGR Forums

[lowsparkco]

Went to a friend’s 9 year old daughter’s soccer game on Saturday and was thinking about this thread.

Parents were pretty positive. Coaching, officiating, sportsmanship were all congenial and respectful. No poor sportsmanship which was great.

I’m no soccer genius, but I did play for 8 early years of my life. The knowledge level of the parents was super low. Seems like just having a coach that can adequately drill the most basic of skills was a huge advantage for the one team.

[californiagrown]

Went to a friend’s 9 year old daughter’s soccer game on Saturday and was thinking about this thread.

Parents were pretty positive. Coaching, officiating, sportsmanship were all congenial and respectful. No poor sportsmanship which was great.

I’m no soccer genius, but I did play for 8 early years of my life. The knowledge level of the parents was super low. Seems like just having a coach that can adequately drill the most basic of skills was a huge advantage for the one team.

I havent been around youth sports for a few decades now, but i still get unsolicited updates on the local little league and pop warner teams from my father (he coached both, and the LL park is around the corner from my childhood house). From what i gather, competitiveness has taken a nosedive which has driven away many ex-athletes as they dont want to deal with mouthy parents who dont understand why the worst kid on the team gets the least playing time, and the prioritization of everyone gets to win, over competitiveness. Apparently, travel teams have taken over in every sport and little league and the local "public" leagues i grew up with are no longer THE places to play. Kinda sad, but maybe also kinda good that there are more opportunities and leagues to play in now.

I have a neighbor a few houses down who is the football HC at the neighboring City's high school and he is REALLY down about the state of youth athletics. He was saying that kids just want to play video games now and see that as having equal or higher social status than athletics. I was pretty incredulous, but he was adamant that was his biggest issue fielding a quality team... and his school is 1800 kids, so not small. Oh how the times have changed. My kid just turned 2, and ill be looking to get him into organized sports in a few years... ive always wanted to coach baseball and football, but it will be interesting to see just how different things are today. I think competitiveness is a tremendous trait to have and develop, but it doesnt seem like that is shared by many other younger parents ive met in my area. There is a fine line between the overly zealous parents/coaches who are in large part living through their kids and ruining their kids experience, and parents/coaches with an approach that is so laid back that the kids end up not learning many of the life lessons and earning the wonderful lifetime memories that youth sports can give you, and i think i know that balance pretty well.

[alias_rice]

I havent been around youth sports for a few decades now, but i still get unsolicited updates on the local little league and pop warner teams from my father (he coached both, and the LL park is around the corner from my childhood house). From what i gather, competitiveness has taken a nosedive which has driven away many ex-athletes as they dont want to deal with mouthy parents who dont understand why the worst kid on the team gets the least playing time, and the prioritization of everyone gets to win, over competitiveness. Apparently, travel teams have taken over in every sport and little league and the local "public" leagues i grew up with are no longer THE places to play. Kinda sad, but maybe also kinda good that there are more opportunities and leagues to play in now.

I have a neighbor a few houses down who is the football HC at the neighboring City's high school and he is REALLY down about the state of youth athletics. He was saying that kids just want to play video games now and see that as having equal or higher social status than athletics. I was pretty incredulous, but he was adamant that was his biggest issue fielding a quality team... and his school is 1800 kids, so not small. Oh how the times have changed. My kid just turned 2, and ill be looking to get him into organized sports in a few years... ive always wanted to coach baseball and football, but it will be interesting to see just how different things are today. I think competitiveness is a tremendous trait to have and develop, but it doesnt seem like that is shared by many other younger parents ive met in my area.

My 12 year old plays on a fairly high level travel baseball team, and also plays fall soccer at the local rec league. Night and day difference. Even though the parents and kids all know the soccer score, they don’t officially keep score, there’s no standings and no playoffs. Most kids and coaches show up about 5 minutes before game time and as you mention the level of knowledge with the parents is pretty low. It’s very obvious that most of the talented or dedicated kids are in some type of comp league. Meanwhile in baseball the level of talent and commitment is through the roof. Local rec leagues are great until the kids turn about 9 and then you really have no choice but to jump to a comp league if your kid has any level of talent.

[yeahman]

He was saying that kids just want to play video games now and see that as having equal or higher social status than athletics. I was pretty incredulous, but he was adamant that was his biggest issue fielding a quality team...

Video games are good for kids, didn't coach get the memo? It's Instagram that is the Devil's playground!

[Danno]

Local rec leagues are great until the kids turn about 9 and then you really have no choice but to jump to a comp league if your kid has any level of talent.

hell, even if your kid has no talent, if they want to advance at all in the sport, just to play middle school or JV level, you have to jump to a comp league.

[Timberridge]

My 12 year old plays on a fairly high level travel baseball team, and also plays fall soccer at the local rec league. Night and day difference. Even though the parents and kids all know the soccer score, they don’t officially keep score, there’s no standings and no playoffs. Most kids and coaches show up about 5 minutes before game time and as you mention the level of knowledge with the parents is pretty low. It’s very obvious that most of the talented or dedicated kids are in some type of comp league. Meanwhile in baseball the level of talent and commitment is through the roof. Local rec leagues are great until the kids turn about 9 and then you really have no choice but to jump to a comp league if your kid has any level of talent.

I've coached all levels of baseball. I'm done currently. But maybe I'll get back into it. Our town
population is about 10,000 and we have about 300 kids 7-14 that play baseball.

Some observations that transcend baseball.

-Kids love to keep score, don't turn a game into a practice.
-5% of the parents are assholes, but the other 95% are good people
-In my town our travel players have to play rec ball and they play until 13-14 yrs old
-Get your local HS varsity players involved in summer travel coaching--we pay them to help coach and the kids love it.

[lowsparkco]

Good comments.

It’s interesting to me that being “competitive” could become seen as a negative quality. I think that’s one of the best things about sports. To want something so badly, but to also know it wouldn’t be the thing that you want if you cheat to get it. I think youth sports really was instrumental in building character for me personally.

Sad, that a few bad apples ruin the bunch. Doesn’t have to be that way.

[MarcusBrody]

Good comments.

It’s interesting to me that being “competitive” could become seen as a negative quality. I think that’s one of the best things about sports. To want something so badly, but to also know it wouldn’t be the thing that you want if you cheat to get it. I think youth sports really was instrumental in building character for me personally.

Sad, that a few bad apples ruin the bunch. Doesn’t have to be that way.

I don't think it's seen as being a negative in the kids themselves, but rather in the leagues for really young kids. This line of discussion came from me asking about my 7 year old in rec soccer where I'm the coach. The league doesn't keep score. It has tons of little kids who've basically never kicked a ball before. The overall goal of the league is to engage these kids and introduce them to the sport. We aim to teach them a bit (and I've definitely seem some improve a lot), but in the short period, they're not going to become very skilled from playing in this league alone. The idea is to give them a base and ensure they have fun so they keep playing and learning. Focusing on the "competitive" aspect of the game wouldn't serve those goals. If you want to win, you play the better kids more. In this league, that's basically just playing the kids who have already played more. You are starting to create a feedback loop at a very young age. Similarly, focusing on the score raises the stakes. What a lot of these first timers are held back by is the worry that they're going to mess up, as everything just seems overwhelming to them (all the rules, the kids running around, the ball flying back and forth). Was it dumb to have kicked the ball back toward your own goal and a member of the other team who subsequently scored? Of course. But it doesn't matter. We're barely keeping score. I cheer basically anytime anyone does everything.

All that is from the league/coach perspective. 90% of those kids - even at 6 and 7 - know exactly what the score is. Most really want to win . The good kids really, REALLY want to win. I underestimated the team we played in our last game. I'd seen them play before when my son subbed for another team and they were pretty bad. I basically set up my team for maximum inefficiency (one of our best players was traveling and I had the other two each play a quarter in goalie) and tasked them with trying to get a couple of kids who hadn't scored previously a good shot at a goal (after they'd scored one goal themselves). My son scored in the first couple minutes of the game, then gamely but vainly tried to set up his teammates for the next three quarters. But I'd been wrong. The other team had a couple players who were good, one really good and who hadn't been there when I saw them play before, so we went into the second half of the fourth quarter tied. I assure you, there was no lack of competitiveness on display at that point as both teams really tried to score or protect the tie.

So I don't think not setting up leagues as "competitive" hurts kids' competitiveness at young ages. The ones who care are going to compete. It just lowers the stakes so kids can focus on the game not the pressure and so that it doesn't tempt coaches to prioritize things that lead to winning rather than player development/continuation. Now, when you start talking about 11-12 year olds and definitely when you get to middle school, the calculus obviously changes.

[schuss]

Yeah, most kids want to win, but historically if you focus on competitiveness from a young age, you realistically only have 2-3 people who get touches on the ball on the team.
How can kids learn to love a sport they don't get to play? I also know my son loves playing with his team and coach, but much less so practicing with me in the yard, so he won't be at the level I see some kids who clearly just do it all the time.

[Dantheman]

hell, even if your kid has no talent, if they want to advance at all in the sport, just to play middle school or JV level, you have to jump to a comp league.

Which is messed up because any kid whose parents don't have several thousand dollars to burn every year literally gets left on the sidelines.

[oldnew_guy]

I must be the only adult who likes playing relatively low key pick up sports where yeah, people are competitive, but it's more about having fun and people barely track the score.

Marcus, you nailed it. My kids are young enough that my only goals are a) they are active b) they follow through on their commitment to the team for the season even when they don't like it and c) maybe they find a sport they like enough to put in serious effort to get good.

I could care less if there are millions of kids playing rec league sports being active and having fun, even if they aren't competitive or highly skilled.

[Norseman]

Dad tales v 37

My girls (7 and 4) are bad about putting away their shit. They leave a trail of toys, socks, art supplies, food, sticks and random debris in their wake.

Last couple nights I've tossed and turned uncomfortably and woke to find things in my bed.

First was a rock in my pillow case.

Next was some little bit of doll clothing that somehow worked its way down the sheets and into my goddamn ass crack in the night. What the hell!?

[Touring_Sedan]

Next was some little bit of doll clothing that somehow worked its way down the sheets and into my goddamn ass crack in the night. What the hell!?

At least it wasn't a Lego? I'd like to tell you it gets better.... it doesn't. Walking down the hallway the other day and the boy's "toolbox" was open. Inside were all of the flashlights and tape measures I'd been looking for the weekend before. At least my wife's pretty good at getting them to clean up one project before they take out another. It's a shame she can't do the same.


We went up to Willow Lake last weekend along with everyone else in the Wasatch. The far side of the lake was empty, so we fed the ducks and sat for a while. I'm pretty stoked my kids get to grow up where access to places like this are commonplace.

[schuss]

That looks fantastic. We take our kids on lots of walks and little hikes on some stunning local trails that run along the bay. Someday they might figure out how lucky they were to grow up here, but I ain't holdin' my breath.