Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

**MarcusBrody** · 11-10-2021, 02:59 PM

Given the recent topic:
Why do people care if their daughters have sex? Obviously I understand not wanting anyone to be taken advantage of and there are potential consequences to be mitigated, but those things can be done. And really they're easier to do if you aren't trying to totally prevent people from having sex. Do we assume that teenage girls aren't horny themselves? I'm pretty sure they are. Why just not teach them how to stand up for themselves/what they want in a situation and how to avoid getting pregnant/STIs? It seems like we (as a culture) still have a weird idea that we claim sex is normal and part of life but teenage girls need to be kept away from sex.

That being said, I only have a son.

**Hopeless Sinner** · 11-10-2021, 03:32 PM

Originally Posted by MarcusBrody

Given the recent topic:
Why do people care if their daughters have sex? Obviously I understand not wanting anyone to be taken advantage of and there are potential consequences to be mitigated, but those things can be done. And really they're easier to do if you aren't trying to totally prevent people from having sex. Do we assume that teenage girls aren't horny themselves? I'm pretty sure they are. Why just not teach them how to stand up for themselves/what they want in a situation and how to avoid getting pregnant/STIs? It seems like we (as a culture) still have a weird idea that we claim sex is normal and part of life but teenage girls need to be kept away from sex.

That being said, I only have a son.

We care, but don't want to see them hurt by a person w no other intent other than using them for sex. We also hope that by them waiting that perhaps their increasing maturity will allow them to make sensible decisions. The stakes are too high just to set them up w birth control and say "have fun!"

**anotherVTskibum** · 11-10-2021, 03:46 PM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Sinner

We care, but don't want to see them hurt by a person w no other intent other than using them for sex. We also hope that by them waiting that perhaps their increasing maturity will allow them to make sensible decisions. The stakes are too high just to set them up w birth control and say "have fun!"

I've put some thought into this, in part because I want to be consistent about how I talk about related topics from the beginning, even if dating had damn well better be a long time away (daughter is not yet two, son is almost three months).

It's not just about one person using the other for sex; it's also about the connection between sexual activity and emotions. Most of us are wired by evolution to want to mate, and part of that is related to the feelings (most) people tend to experience in the process. I don't know many teenagers, regardless of gender, who are particularly good at understanding that and managing the emotional impact of such activity and how it relates to emotional connections and love.

IMO, adults are more likely to be able to enjoy sex without convincing themselves that they should spend forever with someone as a result. Not all adults, but some of them.

And yes, that's beyond the discussions about physical health impacts and pregnancy (and the physical health impacts of that and childbirth, which I don't think get adequate attention in many health curricula).

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**Mustonen** · 11-10-2021, 04:13 PM

Originally Posted by MarcusBrody

Given the recent topic:
Why do people care if their daughters have sex? Obviously I understand not wanting anyone to be taken advantage of and there are potential consequences to be mitigated, but those things can be done. And really they're easier to do if you aren't trying to totally prevent people from having sex. Do we assume that teenage girls aren't horny themselves? I'm pretty sure they are. Why just not teach them how to stand up for themselves/what they want in a situation and how to avoid getting pregnant/STIs? It seems like we (as a culture) still have a weird idea that we claim sex is normal and part of life but teenage girls need to be kept away from sex.

That being said, I only have a son.

This. I can’t say I particularly like the idea of my daughter or my son having sex, same as I don’t like them doing anything that seems risky and loaded with life changing consequences, but I’m not going to pretend to forbid it either or imagine that I might be successful in such an effort. They aren’t my property and they’re going to make some decisions that are theirs and theirs alone, this being one.

I’d rather they wait. And I tell them I think they should. And I try to avoid putting them in situations where poor (IMO) decisions are more likely. But….

**Dantheman** · 11-10-2021, 04:24 PM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Sinner

We care, but don't want to see them hurt by a person w no other intent other than using them for sex.

What if they're the ones doing the using?

If my little girl was still with us I'd want her to have a healthy, fulfulling sex life. Though I would advise her to wait until she's 17, because Chef said so.

**riser4** · 11-10-2021, 04:32 PM

Thing #3 is pretty sick of me knocking on his door and saying "population control" before I open the door if he's in there with his girlfriend. I don't wait for a response. He's got about half a second before the door opens. I do avert my eyes though because I certainly don't want to see anything I will have to unsee. He still hasn't learned to leave the door open.

**Hopeless Sinner** · 11-10-2021, 05:07 PM

Originally Posted by Dantheman

What if they're the ones doing the using?

If my little girl was still with us I'd want her to have a healthy, fulfulling sex life. Though I would advise her to wait until she's 17, because Chef said so.

Don't know, thankfully. Mine's 23 now and I'm just hoping she gets a date soon. LOL

Sorry that you've experienced the loss of a child.

**Marshall Tucker** · 11-11-2021, 09:37 AM

I can't speak to daughters, But i am reminded of the immortal words of Hayden Fox when his daughter wanted to talk about sex

"ewwww. my father and me, we never talked about sex. and we were happy. Nowadays everybody wants to talk about sex and nobody is happy"

We were an extremely southern family and as the youngest my moma would often say "MT is mah baby" which drove me fucking nuts as a preteen/teen etc. Nowadays, I still HATE the expression but.

Either you get it or you don't.

**Mustonen** · 11-13-2021, 03:06 PM

Originally Posted by RootSkier

Fucking savage post in this thread. strong work.

Funny.

Currently have her boyfriend over. They think he should borrow my ski pants so they can go play in the snow while I cook them all dinner. How about: come back inside when you get cold?

**54-46** · 11-13-2021, 10:52 PM

Originally Posted by MarcusBrody

Given the recent topic:
Why do people care if their daughters have sex? Obviously I understand not wanting anyone to be taken advantage of and there are potential consequences to be mitigated, but those things can be done. And really they're easier to do if you aren't trying to totally prevent people from having sex. Do we assume that teenage girls aren't horny themselves? I'm pretty sure they are. Why just not teach them how to stand up for themselves/what they want in a situation and how to avoid getting pregnant/STIs? It seems like we (as a culture) still have a weird idea that we claim sex is normal and part of life but teenage girls need to be kept away from sex.

That being said, I only have a son.

I’m OK if my kid has sex. So long as she’s by herself…

Seriously, she has access to condoms. Issue is whether she’s ready emotionally to accept how it changes things

**ghosthop** · 12-16-2021, 07:53 PM

For those of you with wives that are vegetarian/vegan, did they do anything to change their diet or just rely on the prenatal vitamins?

My wife is halfway through week 6 and nausea hit her like a bus. If you asked, she would tell you she is pescetarian but she's really a vegetarian that didn't want to give up shellfish. Previously, we ate at least 50% vegan at home. She started out great adding fish 3x/week to her diet but over the past few days has gone from sharing equal portions, to a few bites, to not being able to stomach anything. I am going to see how she does with bay scallops and any gulf shrimp still around but I'm not overly hopeful until the nausea goes away.

I do not want to make anything harder on her right now and want to balance that with getting as many good nutrients to her and the embryo as possible. She's been really stoked on oats and leafy greens. Has no desire for anything egg right now and even before the pregnancy could only tolerate a little dairy. I have been thinking we need to increase our lentils after a Fall spent eating local beans two or three times a week and am planning on picking up a few different kinds of nuts this weekend.

Anyone go through this and have suggestions? We meet with the OB the first week of January and will talk with them in detail.

**waveshello** · 12-20-2021, 04:22 PM

^ I don't have any tips for Mrs. Vegan, sorry.

Just some kid stoke... littlefoot training for hyak, giving the hand drag a try:

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**neufox47** · 12-21-2021, 01:01 AM

First they had norovirus on Thanksgiving, now they got RVS the week before Christmas. Each sickness has messed up there sleep patterns and the 6 month old wants to eat 2-3 times a night and the 2.5 year old only wants to sleep in our bed. We haven’t had a decent nights sleep in weeks. FML.

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**Yonder_River** · 12-21-2021, 02:01 AM

Originally Posted by neufox47

First they had norovirus on Thanksgiving, now they got RVS the week before Christmas. Each sickness has messed up there sleep patterns and the 6 month old wants to eat 2-3 times a night and the 2.5 year old only wants to sleep in our bed. We haven’t had a decent nights sleep in weeks. FML.

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Never let a kid sleep in your bed. It's more work for you but stick with it. It can be a tough habit to break if it gets hold.

**MagnificentUnicorn** · 12-21-2021, 07:48 AM

Originally Posted by Yonder_River

Never let a kid sleep in your bed. It's more work for you but stick with it. It can be a tough habit to break if it gets hold.

This is one of the dumbest things posted in this thread. Infants and young children sleeping with their parents is more common than not around the world. It’s not like they’re going to continue sleeping with you into their teens.

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**Mustonen** · 12-21-2021, 08:08 AM

Originally Posted by MagnificentUnicorn

This is one of the dumbest things posted in this thread. Infants and young children sleeping with their parents is more common than not around the world. It’s not like they’re going to continue sleeping with you into their teens.

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I’m on team “don’t let them sleep in your bed.” I agree it’s common, but I’m not a fan. Pets aren’t allowed on the bed either. If you don’t want them sleeping in your bed at 2 or 3 it’s best not to start now. If you’re fine with it (the way some people somehow seem to be fine with 3 dogs and 2 cats sleeping in bed with them every night) then go for it.

**yeahman** · 12-21-2021, 08:12 AM

Originally Posted by MagnificentUnicorn

This is one of the dumbest things posted in this thread. Infants and young children sleeping with their parents is more common than not around the world. It’s not like they’re going to continue sleeping with you into their teens.

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Doing it into their teens isn't the issue. It's wanting to do it when they are 3,4,5, etc. Basically it's a short term solution to sleep issues that creates a longterm problem. If you value your sleep, let the kid learn to sleep on their own at a very early age. We let our first kid sleep in our bed one night and were like fuck this!

No different than using leashes, hoola hoops, etc., to teach the kid to ski. Totally unnecessary crutch that just creates habits that become harder and harder to break.

**bagtagley** · 12-21-2021, 08:26 AM

Agreed. Letting kids sleep in the bed is the easy solution and just makes the inevitable more difficult. Also, even a really small kid in the bed means one or both of the parents aren't sleeping, which isn't good for anyone.

**Timberridge** · 12-21-2021, 08:48 AM

And what if you roll over and crush the little shit? Or want to play a little game of hide the salami with his mom?

**::: :::** · 12-21-2021, 09:00 AM

Is hide the salami vegan?

**MagnificentUnicorn** · 12-21-2021, 09:13 AM

Well I’m glad you guys made us aware of the dangers. I’m going to have reconsider this, my adult children are likely stunted because of it.

Seriously, the concept of infants and toddlers sleeping isolated from their parents is a very new idea if you look at human history. It wasn’t even really common or recommended until after WWII. It’s much the same with nursing. The advent of formula feeding and isolating infants and toddlers from their parents at night is a product of modern industrialized society, specifically American. You’re not going to roll over and squish your infant. Is an infant or toddler going to be scarred for life if they witness their parents having sex? The horror!

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**riser4** · 12-21-2021, 09:15 AM

Originally Posted by MagnificentUnicorn

Well I’m glad you guys made us aware of the dangers. I’m going to have reconsider this, my adult children are likely stunted because of it.

Seriously, the concept of infants and toddlers sleeping isolated from their parents is a very new idea if you look at human history. It wasn’t even really common or recommended until after WWII. It’s much the same with nursing. The advent of formula feeding and isolating infants and toddlers from their parents at night is a product of modern industrialized society, specifically American. You’re not going to roll over and squish your infant. Is an infant or toddler going to be scarred for life if they witness their parents having sex? The horror!

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All depends on what they witness.

**TahoeJ** · 12-21-2021, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by MagnificentUnicorn

This is one of the dumbest things posted in this thread. Infants and young children sleeping with their parents is more common than not around the world. It’s not like they’re going to continue sleeping with you into their teens.

Agreed. And phasing them out of it isn't really a big deal.

**schuss** · 12-21-2021, 09:52 AM

Yeah, our kids sleep in our bed when there's a bad dream or they're having a rough time - it's rare. My son likes to fall asleep in our bed, but has no issues with me doing the transfer when we go up to bed. As long as there's rules, it's really not a big deal. My daughter is a bed tyrant and will push you out of bed, so she gets taken right back to her room if that starts to happen.