Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[MarcusBrody]

Daughter had a friend sleep over the other night. The girls asks me where our cameras are. Apparently a lot of people have cameras in the house, outside the house, and doorbell cameras.

Crazy creepy shit. Why do you need cameras inside your house? My buddy has them and I think it’s stupid.

Kids can’t get away with shit. Once these kids go to college they’re gonna die.

We have outdoor cameras generally, but have one indoor camera that we set up when we leave for extended periods. The door cameras would definitely make having a party unbeknownst to parents tougher.

I'm a professor and basically off in the summer. We traveled around for June and now my wife is back to (remote) work while I hang out with my 7 year old son most of the day. It's been pretty good overall. We're in NV and after a mild June have had a hellish July heat-wise, so that's been frustrating as we've been kept inside more than I'd like. We've been having fun playing the new Zelda though and reading a lot of books. Yesterday we went bowling and today we went to the community center and played soccer in an empty gym. I really like my kid at 7 and suspect I need to enjoy it while I can. Still, I was happy to go into the office today for some peace and quiet.

[snapt]

Been a minute since I checked in. 7 months went by fast. This shit is hard. We have a kid that's been crawling around the house for a month or so, he uses whatever he can find to stand. I don't think walking is too far off. Chasing the dogs is his favorite pastime. Cutting teeth is a miserable experience. Kid doesn't much like sleep. Mrs Snapt dealt with some pretty intense PP depression. I think we have that in the rear view but its a whole element they don't prepare you for. It's definatley the most intense and tiring and fun thing ever.

[SkiLyft]

^^ Fkna, what a hunk! Absolutely, nothing can prepare you for it. Sleep deprivation is a fickle bitch bringing all emotions into turmoil for both mom and dad. Sounds like your making it through… wild thing is. Every kid is vastly different. Kiddo 1 - high high needs from parents. Kiddo 2 - chill as a fucking cucumber.


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[riser4]

Color coordinated which handle. Awesome!

[schuss]

^^ Fkna, what a hunk! Absolutely, nothing can prepare you for it. Sleep deprivation is a fickle bitch bringing all emotions into turmoil for both mom and dad. Sounds like your making it through… wild thing is. Every kid is vastly different. Kiddo 1 - high high needs from parents. Kiddo 2 - chill as a fucking cucumber.


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Yep, every kid is its own rollercoaster ride.

[californiagrown]

Mrs Snapt dealt with some pretty intense PP depression. I think we have that in the rear view but its a whole element they don't prepare you for.

They tell you about it, but they dont prepare you for it. Its an added variable that bumps up the difficulty a couple notches when half the team seems to be working against the other half. Glad you made (are making) it through. Sucks for the mom to be depressed and unable to really enjoy the baby period, and sucks for you having to deal with a baby and also walk on eggshells around an irrationally irritable wife.

The age youre at is a good one. too young to really be getting into trouble constantly, but mobile enough to go and get the toy/book/doggo he wants without needing you to get it for him (while you frantically try to decipher what he is crying for).

[snapt]

Sucks for the mom to be depressed and unable to really enjoy the baby period

Credit to my wife for recognizing this and deciding that since it didn't get better on its own to seek help.
Kid makes it easy to have fun, just needs to figure out the sleep part.

[yeahman]

At 6-7 months it's time to break the kid of the habit of waking in the night to breastfeed or take a bottle. He should eat enough during the day to get through the night. Put him in his crib in his room, put in your ear plugs, and try to sleep while he cries. Two nights and it's over. Then you and your wife can start getting better sleep.

[riser4]

At 6-7 months it's time to break the kid of the habit of waking in the night to breastfeed or take a bottle. He should eat enough during the day to get through the night. Put him in his crib in his room, put in your ear plugs, and try to sleep while he cries. Two nights and it's over. Then you and your wife can start getting better sleep.

YMMV. Should is the operative word. Thing#1 was technically 2 days premature and quite small. There was some vigorous vomiting for a while. But it didn't meet the distance definition to be considered projectile. It took a year to get to that point where enough food was taken onboard during the day. Nursing was every two hours for the first year. Thing#2 was totally different. There would be a fussy period at night that at first we thought was hunger. It was actually a request to be put to bed and left alone. It took a little while for us to figure that out. By the time we got to thing#3 we were like, baby, what baby?

[yeahman]

YMMV. Should is the operative word. Thing#1 was technically 2 days premature and quite small. There was some vigorous vomiting for a while. But it didn't meet the distance definition to be considered projectile. It took a year to get to that point where enough food was taken onboard during the day. Nursing was every two hours for the first year. Thing#2 was totally different. There would be a fussy period at night that at first we thought was hunger. It was actually a request to be put to bed and left alone. It took a little while for us to figure that out. By the time we got to thing#3 we were like, baby, what baby?

No doubt every kid is different and must be handled accordingly. Six months is a general guideline for a healthy kid without issues, and it worked well for us.

Not everybody agrees with the cry-it-out philosophy, but sleep deprivation is no joke. It's tough to be a good parent when you're over- tired and cranky all the time.

[riser4]

It's tough to be a good parent when you're over- tired and cranky all the time.

Word.

[californiagrown]

Oh man. Something bad in the soup at daycare the other day. All 11 kids projectile vomiting and am emergency text was sent out to pick up your kid ASAP. I get there 20 mins later and my little guy is sitting outside on a tiny stool by himself crying and clutching his water bottle (reminded me of hungover me). One of the saddest and cuter things I've ever seen. As soon as I picked him up he puked a bunch of water on me, and then a few more watery heaves for good measure. Puked on himself in the car seat on the way home and then pretty much 2mins after any drinking or eating for the next 4 hours. He finally kept down some toast right before bed and then was totally fine the next morning. Crazy how fast he recovered from something so brutal.

[bio-smear]

Oh man. Something bad in the soup at daycare the other day. All 11 kids projectile vomiting.

Oh man, that is nuts. I remember getting the call that my 2 year old was barfing at daycare. This was right at the start of COVID and the people there were freaking out. I mostly felt bad for my kid as we all know how miserable nausea and stomach distress can be, especially when you're so young and don't know wtf is happening.

I'd be sending cold lunches until further notice.

[ghosthop]

At 6-7 months it's time to break the kid of the habit of waking in the night to breastfeed or take a bottle. He should eat enough during the day to get through the night. Put him in his crib in his room, put in your ear plugs, and try to sleep while he cries. Two nights and it's over. Then you and your wife can start getting better sleep.

You can talk to your pediatrician but our kiddo definitely slept better with a bottle of formula before bed instead of breast milk. He was starting to nibble off our plates by then so would have a plenty full stomach.

[yeahman]

You can talk to your pediatrician but our kiddo definitely slept better with a bottle of formula before bed instead of breast milk. He was starting to nibble off our plates by then so would have a plenty full stomach.

Yeah one of ours was like that too. She never seemed to get enough breastfeeding and nothing put her to sleep like chugging a bottle before bed.

[snapt]

Kids been eating food for a while now. Dinner then a bottle and he’s usually not feeding at night.

Mrs SnapT wasn’t super keen on crying it out. We watched a bunch of vids on the Ferber method and sleep training starts tonight. Appreciate the kick in the rear. First one. Learning as we go.

[waveshello]

Our girl quickly adapted to falling asleep on her own at about 6 months old when we started putting her down awake and letting her cry for a little bit. It was heart wrenching at first, especially because she was our first, but things really improved in about 2 days, and then she seemed to prefer it.

Our boy is 8 months now, still haven't gotten him on the program yet because he's a little behind in weight gain and eating solids, which seem to correspond loosely with better sleep.

There's no recipe for success, but if they're not getting enough calories in their tummies during the day they aren't going to be sleeping through the night!

[yeahman]

Our girl quickly adapted to falling asleep on her own at about 6 months old when we started putting her down awake and letting her cry for a little bit. It was heart wrenching at first, especially because she was our first, but things really improved in about 2 days, and then she seemed to prefer it.

Our boy is 8 months now, still haven't gotten him on the program yet because he's a little behind in weight gain and eating solids, which seem to correspond loosely with better sleep.

There's no recipe for success, but if they're not getting enough calories in their tummies during the day they aren't going to be sleeping through the night!

All very true. And you're right, they do prefer it. It's like a chronically barking dog-- it's stressed out barking all the time, but if its owner isn't willing to take hard steps to stop it, the dog continues to be miserable.

And it sounds like you're taking the right approach with the boy. Every kid is different.

[joeshek]

So I find myself as a single dad of an awesome 14 month old kiddo after my wife died unexpectedly at couple weeks ago. Aside the obvious shock of losing best friend and confidant, any tips? She was so in tune with knowing what games to play, and how to nurture him. At a loss at the moment.

[Mazderati]

JFC, joe. So sorry to hear.

[ghosthop]

Our condolences Joe.

i have nothing of substance to offer but this album was often on my mind while my wife was pregnant. His wife wrote a companion children’s book.

Best of luck to you and your child. You will be the parent that they need, even when you doubt yourself.



https://www.amazon.com/Bubble-Genevi.../dp/1770463216

[yeahman]

Damn, sorry joeshek. Best to you and the kid. [emoji26]

[Dromond]

Joeshek, I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. You are going to be the dad that your little one needs.

[skinipenem]

So I find myself as a single dad of an awesome 14 month old kiddo after my wife died unexpectedly at couple weeks ago. Aside the obvious shock of losing best friend and confidant, any tips? She was so in tune with knowing what games to play, and how to nurture him. At a loss at the moment.

Wtf! They're are no words for this kind of loss. I honestly can't / don't want to imagine the amount of pain you are in.

The Basics:

Play with your son with him sitting in your lap face to face. Do this as often as possible.

State his emotions in first person. "I'm upset daddy." Do this for at least a few years.

Figure out the fundamental issue he is having when upset and focus on that instead of hurting to fix a specific behavior. E.g. he throws toys at you as a three year old, but he is actually upset because a babysitter had to leave

Hold him often.

Shower with love. Avoid the negative.

Read, read, read, read, read, and read some more. This is reading to him.

Hold him when he has a tantrum as he gets older hold him until the tantrum ends then talk to him about why he is upset and how to handle it next time.

Be the adult and don't let him see you get frustrated / angry with him. At the example to handle difficult situations calmly.

Play, play, play, play, play, play, and play more.

'Dem are the basics.

Oh, and seek professional therapy for yourself individually, and for him. Look for a Theraplay provider for him. I can't stress the importance of these two actions enough.

Having the balls the reach out here puts you miles ahead of the game. Your families loss is a huge deal that you can overcome.

Go skiing with him. Get a Mac ride and go mountain biking with him. Have fun!





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[schuss]

Condolences Joe. Post above has some great advice in it - especially emotion naming/identification.
First of all - time in is always good. Don't sweat "the best" game, just try things and spend time with him. All kids really want is your time, so if it isn't perfect that's ok.
Second - give yourself permission to be imperfect at this. As a parenting unit you were before and you will continue to be. Don't let this stress you out. Try your best, be kind, but again - don't sweat what you aren't doing perfectly as that will eat you alive.
Third - totally agree with the therapy thing.
Fourth - Find some family to share the load and make sure you get a little me time every week.