Fatherhood anonymous; an open discussion on being a dad.

[waveshello]

Baby O is feelin' "ornree" today

We're almost to 3 months, things are trending toward easier now.

[TahoeJ]

Yeah, that never happens in dense urban environments ...

I laughed at that too. Generally speaking for quite some time now the small town kids would mostly smoke weed and drink beer, while the urban kids were getting into coke and hard shit.

[bodywhomper]

I live in the woods. Almost a mile of narrow gravel road between my house and pavement. Been here 9 years.

Used to live in the nearby small town with a 5 minute walk to the grocery store, a 5 minute ride to some fun trails, mediocre public transit, 3 schools were 5-10 minute walk….

We’re in a steep canyon. 10 minute drive to town of 3k residents and my tween’s (twins) school. 15 minute drive to the next town of 20k and my 17yo’s high school, which is located at a community college.

The teen could take a school bus to school, but it’s a 45 minute bus ride, and he’d have to get up 2 hrs earlier on most days. He’s also not driving and not expressing much interest in driving.

We live a 20 minute drive down canyon to an epic river, 15 minute ride to epic mtb trails, 0 minute run to fun trail runs, 35 minute drive to roadless areas and lake basin with excellent backpacking, (currently) 25 minute drive to xc skiing, and 50 minute drive to the lifts. I volunteer at the lifts so we get free family passes.

Today, mom and teen went to the coast to check out a college and get away for some QT. Tweens and I played indoors (Mario cart), made candy for science fair, shot arrows behind the house, rode their bikes while I walked/ran with the dog to get the mail, hunted for mushrooms on the property, tried to do an rx burn (too wet), watched a movie, had Chinese take out. Tomorrow, we’ll do more science fair and ski at the hill.

It’s often hectic, especially shuttling kids. My wife and I sometimes struggle to get all our work requirements done every day in addition to meeting the kids other needs, exercising, eating right, having fun, and getting enough sleep. My wife can be very silly, playful, and calm, which is amazingly helpful when things are stressful.

The two boys conflict a lot. We have a loud half hound dog and 2 indoor cats. The loud dog sometimes sets off one of the kids and tempers spiral. The twins still share a room, and we need to figure out how to afford an addition to the house or some other alternative.

The oldest thought about going to a college in a big city, but ended up not applying to any in big cities and will likely go to one in a more rural college town setting on the coast. His next steps are not clear. He has many college credits and is super burned out on school. He may take a gap year, he may hit the ground running at college, he may take his time at college, or he may chose a path that he hasn’t yet shared. He has many adult life pathway examples to draw on which all led to happy adults. He wants to ski a lot right now. He and I are trying to ski other hills, which is very expensive in the current ski world. Our first adventure is next weekend.

Previously, my wife and/or I have lived in college towns, dense urban areas, suburban areas, rural farming areas, and small towns. We feel fortunate and privileged to live here. At one point in our early 20’s we were homeless living in the backyard of close friends. That was rough (we are always in deep humble debt for their gratitude).

Here’s a picture from last fall of the kids toasting marshmallows on the piled “bones” after a small rx burn behind our house. The tweens helped me cut the containment lines.

[riser4]

The driving thing is funny with kids. Some you have to force and some you don't really want to hand the keys to. With three kids I have both ends of the spectrum and the middle. The kick in the nuts is that the one we had to force now has epilepsy and can't drive. It's definitely hampering what we wants to do in life considering he has his BA and BA Ed and is ready to get on with it. The kid that probably needs that kick in the nuts tried to dry pavement drift in one of our cars that decidedly did not have the right tires. It only cost him $18 to get the repair done. I wish it had been more expensive for him in order for the lesson to count more.

[riser4]

I live in the woods. Almost a mile of narrow gravel road between my house and pavement. Been here 9 years.

Used to live in the nearby small town with a 5 minute walk to the grocery store, a 5 minute ride to some fun trails, mediocre public transit, 3 schools were 5-10 minute walk….

We’re in a steep canyon. 10 minute drive to town of 3k residents and my tween’s (twins) school. 15 minute drive to the next town of 20k and my 17yo’s high school, which is located at a community college.

The teen could take a school bus to school, but it’s a 45 minute bus ride, and he’d have to get up 2 hrs earlier on most days. He’s also not driving and not expressing much interest in driving.

We live a 20 minute drive down canyon to an epic river, 15 minute ride to epic mtb trails, 0 minute run to fun trail runs, 35 minute drive to roadless areas and lake basin with excellent backpacking, (currently) 25 minute drive to xc skiing, and 50 minute drive to the lifts. I volunteer at the lifts so we get free family passes.

Today, mom and teen went to the coast to check out a college and get away for some QT. Tweens and I played indoors (Mario cart), made candy for science fair, shot arrows behind the house, rode their bikes while I walked/ran with the dog to get the mail, hunted for mushrooms on the property, tried to do an rx burn (too wet), watched a movie, had Chinese take out. Tomorrow, we’ll do more science fair and ski at the hill.

It’s often hectic, especially shuttling kids. My wife and I sometimes struggle to get all our work requirements done every day in addition to meeting the kids other needs, exercising, eating right, having fun, and getting enough sleep. My wife can be very silly, playful, and calm, which is amazingly helpful when things are stressful.

The two boys conflict a lot. We have a loud half hound dog and 2 indoor cats. The loud dog sometimes sets off one of the kids and tempers spiral. The twins still share a room, and we need to figure out how to afford an addition to the house or some other alternative.

The oldest thought about going to a college in a big city, but ended up not applying to any in big cities and will likely go to one in a more rural college town setting on the coast. His next steps are not clear. He has many college credits and is super burned out on school. He may take a gap year, he may hit the ground running at college, he may take his time at college, or he may chose a path that he hasn’t yet shared. He has many adult life pathway examples to draw on which all led to happy adults. He wants to ski a lot right now. He and I are trying to ski other hills, which is very expensive in the current ski world. Our first adventure is next weekend.

Previously, my wife and/or I have lived in college towns, dense urban areas, suburban areas, rural farming areas, and small towns. We feel fortunate and privileged to live here. At one point in our early 20’s we were homeless living in the backyard of close friends. That was rough (we are always in deep humble debt for their gratitude).

Here’s a picture from last fall of the kids toasting marshmallows on the piled “bones” after a small rx burn behind our house. The tweens helped me cut the containment lines.

Great pic!

[bodywhomper]

Thx.

We don’t live too near to family. Closest is 1.5 hrs away w/ clear roads.

[MarcusBrody]

Nice. My wife went there 15 years ago, and I knew the guy that built that trail network in Amherst. He’s retired in Oregon now.

Nice. What did she think? It was a cool place to work in a lot of ways, but quite the place in some others. Though I think there was a demographic shift happening between when she was there and when I was.

I did like Western Mass a lot and I thank the trail builder as both Earls and Bachelor St were really nice trail systems. That 12-15 min to get there got a lot more precious once the kid arrived so it was wild prospect hill riding.

[SkiLyft]

More kid stoke!

She turned 2 this week and things just keep getting more fun. Not lying, or projecting perfection… there are shitty times too. Ultimately, a kids demeanor have a lot to do with it — but you get out what you put in IMO.



Loving the sun and snow


PB&J snack stops




Silly faces on the gondola ride down!



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[Dromond]

Nice. What did she think? It was a cool place to work in a lot of ways, but quite the place in some others. Though I think there was a demographic shift happening between when she was there and when I was.

I did like Western Mass a lot and I thank the trail builder as both Earls and Bachelor St were really nice trail systems. That 12-15 min to get there got a lot more precious once the kid arrived so it was wild prospect hill riding.

She and most of her friends from there loved it and remember it fondly. I remember that it was very international which was very cool - definitely a unique place. What do you think changed later?

Earl is a really amazing guy

[MarcusBrody]

She and most of her friends from there loved it and remember it fondly. I remember that it was very international which was very cool - definitely a unique place. What do you think changed later?

Earl is a really amazing guy

Nice. I think most of my students remember it fondly too, despite complaining about it constantly while they were there. But I'm sure I'm like that about places too. I also suspect that alumni who keep in touch with professors probably are a positively selected group for institutionl fondness.

I think I'm getting slightly to the point where 15 years ago is less far back than I imagine as I guess it was 9 years ago now when I started. I think it's always been international but it became both even more international and more concentrated in where the students were coming from. I remember seeing stats from the early 2000s and the international student origins were pretty widely distributed. I remember one of the biggest groups was from a somewhat random European country like Bulgaria and there were like 12 of them. Later they dropped off a lot in Euro enrollment but found a golden goose in Asia. By the time I left, I think about 30% of students were international and the majority of those were Chinese (almost 20% of students overall) with Vietnam, India, and Pakistan following. Which was also cool, but when you get that big a population from one place, you inevitably end up with kind of parallel student societies after you hit a critical mass. That's the demographic shift I was talking about and what people told me had changed from 10 years ago when I got there.

[Dromond]

Nice. I think most of my students remember it fondly too, despite complaining about it constantly while they were there. But I'm sure I'm like that about places too. I also suspect that alumni who keep in touch with professors probably are a positively selected group for institutionl fondness.

I think I'm getting slightly to the point where 15 years ago is less far back than I imagine as I guess it was 9 years ago now when I started. I think it's always been international but it became both even more international and more concentrated in where the students were coming from. I remember seeing stats from the early 2000s and the international student origins were pretty widely distributed. I remember one of the biggest groups was from a somewhat random European country like Bulgaria and there were like 12 of them. Later they dropped off a lot in Euro enrollment but found a golden goose in Asia. By the time I left, I think about 30% of students were international and the majority of those were Chinese (almost 20% of students overall) with Vietnam, India, and Pakistan following. Which was also cool, but when you get that big a population from one place, you inevitably end up with kind of parallel student societies after you hit a critical mass. That's the demographic shift I was talking about and what people told me had changed from 10 years ago when I got there.

Interesting. Maybe it was underway then but not in full swing I don’t think. In any case it’s a unique area with a lot of great people passing through.

[bio-smear]

After my low point post last week I'll try to swing the pendulum back the other way.

[SkiLyft]

Well done dad!!


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[MarcusBrody]

Interesting. Maybe it was underway then but not in full swing I don’t think. In any case it’s a unique area with a lot of great people passing through.

Bringing it back to the theme of this thread, I did really like the area and thought it would have been a really great area to raise our son. There is good, if not epic, outdoor offerings nearby. The schools are generally good. There are lots of interesting things happening because of all the colleges/universities. It's a bit of a bubble in terms of race/politics, but on the whole, I think areas with colleges are often really good for providing cultural/educational opportunities even without a major metro, which likely fits the preference of a lot of folks on here.

Somewhat related to the previous question, but one tradeoff I always think about is distance to work vs. distance to play. I go to work more often than I go play, so in theory I should prioritize that, but I'm going to go to work no matter how long it takes. But whether I ride my bike is a lot more contingent, so in some ways it makes sense to live closer to that as I'll do it more. Now, time is precious when kids are young, so I wouldn't live an hour away, but for ~15 minute differences in terms of work/recreation commutes, I'd prioritieze recreation as it will have a bigger effect on behavior for me.

[alpinevibes]

After my low point post last week I'll try to swing the pendulum back the other way.

Yeah, guy!

[Todd Zander]

This time last year on xc gear and perfect hayfield/ski slope conditions
Friday is day 1 on alpine gear at a mountain. Cant. Wait.

[BmillsSkier]

Just stopping by to share a bit of my proud dad glow from this last week. My son took 1st place in his den in the Pinewood Derby in a car that he designed, cut, sanded and painted all on his own and then went on to place 5th overall in a very big Pack finals.

Then after deciding to take a break from club soccer (who could have guessed that 4x+ practices/games a week could burn an 8 y/o out?) to school soccer which freed him up to try out for baseball (something he's been wanting to do for a couple years) he made the "top" team in Single A despite never playing organized ball. Happiest was watching him settle in with his new teammates, only one of which goes to his same school, and get right into the mix, cutting it up and having a great time. When the time came to scrimmage after practice last week all the boys ran back to the dugout yelling out their spot in the batting order. "I call first, I call second!"

"I call your mom!" yelled one boy to raucous laughter from the dugout, and embarrassed apologies from that kid's dad in the stands. I laughed my ass off.

As mentioned a bunch, enjoy the good moments, cause there will be bad ones right around the corner and even enjoy those in hindsight if you can cause it all goes really fucking fast.

[riser4]

Just stopping by to share a bit of my proud dad glow from this last week. My son took 1st place in his den in the Pinewood Derby in a car that he designed, cut, sanded and painted all on his own and then went on to place 5th overall in a very big Pack finals.

Then after deciding to take a break from club soccer (who could have guessed that 4x+ practices/games a week could burn an 8 y/o out?) to school soccer which freed him up to try out for baseball (something he's been wanting to do for a couple years) he made the "top" team in Single A despite never playing organized ball. Happiest was watching him settle in with his new teammates, only one of which goes to his same school, and get right into the mix, cutting it up and having a great time. When the time came to scrimmage after practice last week all the boys ran back to the dugout yelling out their spot in the batting order. "I call first, I call second!"

"I call your mom!" yelled one boy to raucous laughter from the dugout, and embarrassed apologies from that kid's dad in the stands. I laughed my ass off.

As mentioned a bunch, enjoy the good moments, cause there will be bad ones right around the corner and even enjoy those in hindsight if you can cause it all goes really fucking fast.

"I call your mom!" Awesome! That kid's going places.

Congrats on the derby. I was a den winner, pack loser. Stung, but I got over it. I think. Maybe.

[WaistDeepGroomers]

Haven't been back in a minute but wanted to say thanks for all the honest input here. Def feeling the "be close enough to SOME kind of rec/land to go bang out a ride/workout in under an hour," which is honestly prob my main consideration when it comes to proximity to rec.

Making that hour skiing is feeling like a much bigger challenge than trails for MTB/run, esp. in New England.

Mid-late '30s RN though and my fiance is somewhat routinely panicking we'll never be able to get pregnant (we've been trying about 4-5 months now) which is proving a bit of a stressor.

[fatnslow]

Haven't been back in a minute but wanted to say thanks for all the honest input here. Def feeling the "be close enough to SOME kind of rec/land to go bang out a ride/workout in under an hour," which is honestly prob my main consideration when it comes to proximity to rec.

Making that hour skiing is feeling like a much bigger challenge than trails for MTB/run, esp. in New England.

Mid-late '30s RN though and my fiance is somewhat routinely panicking we'll never be able to get pregnant (we've been trying about 4-5 months now) which is proving a bit of a stressor.

Get your partner hammered and let her have it like she owes you money , rinse/repeat. The more you stress the less it's gonna happen.
I'm old as fuck but for us going to a Spanish speaking countries with siesta hump sessions seemed to work pretty well.

[Boissal]

Mid-late '30s RN though and my fiance is somewhat routinely panicking we'll never be able to get pregnant (we've been trying about 4-5 months now) which is proving a bit of a stressor.

Went through this for about 3 years and no amount of getting hammered or siesta humps did the trick. What kept Ms Boissal from stressing too much (and stressing me in turn) was the fact that we set a hard deadline (her 36th) for when we'd commit to going the in-vitro route. Having that as a backup plan helped quite a bit when things kept refusing to happen naturally (and gave us plenty of time to save all the $$ required). Sure enough we had to resort to fertility treatment which was fairly rough on her but successful right away. It also gave me more time to mentally adjust to the upcoming lifestyle change and transition from all-day ski and MTB shenanigans to much shorter outing. Well, to think I have adjusted, real world testing will begin in June and I'll see how well prepared I actually am...

[lake_effect]

Haven't been back in a minute but wanted to say thanks for all the honest input here. Def feeling the "be close enough to SOME kind of rec/land to go bang out a ride/workout in under an hour," which is honestly prob my main consideration when it comes to proximity to rec.

Making that hour skiing is feeling like a much bigger challenge than trails for MTB/run, esp. in New England.

Mid-late '30s RN though and my fiance is somewhat routinely panicking we'll never be able to get pregnant (we've been trying about 4-5 months now) which is proving a bit of a stressor.

Took us about 6-7 months on number 1. Assuming it had a lot to do with stress and her just coming off birth control a few months before we started trying.

Going for number 2 I was really looking forward to 6 months of throwing live loads in her as often as possible and I swear she got pregnant the first time we tried. Wishing you luck man!

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[ghosthop]

Mid-late '30s RN though and my fiance is somewhat routinely panicking we'll never be able to get pregnant (we've been trying about 4-5 months now) which is proving a bit of a stressor.

Don’t give up! It took us 9 months to get my wife pregnant. I too thought it would be fun having constant sex but eventually the expectation turned it into a chore. We worked at turning the chore into something we enjoyed again before conception and it strengthened our marriage. Female and simultaneous orgasms increase the likelihood of conception! Things took the month we decided to not try, drank a little more than usual, and spent a weekend visiting friends. Anecdotally, we were vegetarian bordering on vegan and I had introduced more protein into our diets through weekly pots of bean stew and also started cooking with butter.

Not to be a bummer but also keep in mind that nature performs more abortions than anyone else. Especially if your fiancé is in the field of medicine. Within medicine, infertility is significantly higher than the average population, as is the rate of pregnancy complications. My wife worked through the entire first day of pre-labor because she was so used to experiencing contractions at work.

Kiddo turned six and a half months on my wife’s birthday. This past weekend he turned a corner on the scoot/crawl he has been working on and went all in on hands and knee crawling. The morning of my wife’s birthday he took my finger to show me his first tooth poking through.

The screaming bundle of joy in the other room is proof that sleep is a constant back and forth. He was sleeping through the night at three months, had a major night regression around four and a half months after his first real illness, and now fights naps so hard. I am hoping he can break through in the next week or so because nap time has become a daily test of patience and resolve.

Our next big hurdle is hand/eye coordination. He can effectively get a spoonful of purée into his mouth about half the time if I load it for him. Pincer to get peas in his mouth is still mostly a failure but we practice daily. He will take blocks out of a box and put them back in if prompted. Occasionally he can get a ring back on a peg after taking it off. Waving also happens appropriately about half the time, although sometimes I think he is starting to get shy with strangers.

The SLC Public Library has been a beacon for us. Each of the branches are a great place to spend time playing with and talking about what we can see in between reading a book or two. The baby programming has been so much fun for both of us and it’s really exciting to watch him go from sometimes getting overwhelmed by the singing/dancing/strangers to enjoying it in less than a month. He loves sitting under the parachute at the end. Still too small for the mass stampede that happens when they pull out the bubble machine. The interactive exhibits at the Natural History Museum of Utah are also great. He has been super into touching models of hominid skulls and different types of rocks. I am looking forward to spring and spending more time outside talking about plants and animals.

[Dromond]

For experienced dads on the thread, what were the most fun outdoor things you did with your kids aged 1-3?

My daughter is 14 months and a little delayed on the gross motor skills in that she is just starting to fully crawl in earnest now. Walking is probably a month or so out. So far we have done a lot of travelling, both flying and road trips. I carry her in the babybjorn for walking, hiking backpack and job with her in the stroller. We've been car camping twice and backpacking twice. She hasn't been in a bike chariot/trailer yet but that is about to happen. She is very curious and will soon want to be moving on her own more and more.

[alpinevibes]

For experienced dads on the thread, what were the most fun outdoor things you did with your kids aged 1-3?

My daughter is 14 months and a little delayed on the gross motor skills in that she is just starting to fully crawl in earnest now. Walking is probably a month or so out. So far we have done a lot of travelling, both flying and road trips. I carry her in the babybjorn for walking, hiking backpack and job with her in the stroller. We've been car camping twice and backpacking twice. She hasn't been in a bike chariot/trailer yet but that is about to happen. She is very curious and will soon want to be moving on her own more and more.

Our boys loved the beach and playing in the sand, when we could find some. Lots of time in the chariot - biking and xc skiing; we started them on striders from 18mo and had them riding on back of the e-cargo bike once they were 2 years. Alpine skiing and sledding were pretty hands on till they were 2.5+, but now at 3.5 years they're good to go. They got some fancy scooters around 18mo as well that were great for balance and learning momentum: https://www.amazon.com/Micro-Origina.../dp/B07BW53Z3R

Indoors, we bought them a balance board to play on: https://www.amazon.com/Wooden-Balanc...dp/B0BM4X3JPH/

And a Hape trike they could ride around our living room: https://www.target.com/p/hape-scoot-...&adgroup=91-15

Kids broom and a kids snow shovel for sweeping has been great too.