Using Quotes in a Meeting

[iceman]

That statue was a way to say "you're all about to get the ax" in Japanese, apparently.

[billyk]

That statue was a way to say "you're all about to get the ax" in Japanese, apparently.

Exactly.

[skaredshtles]

[hawkgt]

Quotes, no quotes, if shit is bad just tell them. No motivation needed when on titanic.

Actions speak way the fuck louder than words.

[AK47bp]

Jack Handy quotes. Keep it light

[saukit]

Given all the smartassery in here I'm probably pissing into the wind. But if you're really wondering what to say when you go into a staff meeting with 20+ and you're trying to communicate policy without losing the room, training helps. This is one that I found helpful:

http://www.speedoftrust.com/how-the-...ust-works/book

And yes I realize that this is a fuckin ad/scam/spam/why aint it free. I spent a few days with it and felt like I learned some stuff and more importantly that some of my pre-existing hunches were correct.

[abraham]

mmm pie. You can make ur own!

Attachment 232008

No elderly/drunk overlap?

[schuss]

Have you listened to them yet? Sometimes a leader just listening to what they see as the problems holding them back is powerful. Something like a fishbowl or world cafe on major improvements gives them agency, gets them out of their chairs and lets them have more of a say of what happens. Then model good behavior. You won't get any performance out of people who think you're another Kool aid drinker looking to juice some vanity metrics on their backs.

[EarlyWood]

Definitely use the word synergies.

and throw in symbiotic relationship

[Core Shot]

and throw in symbiotic relationship

Well it’s a failing company so refer to the employees as a parasitic relationship

[dgilligan02]

Quotes, no. “Air quotes”, absolutely.

[skifishbum]

"To get high is to forget yourself. And to forget yourself is to see everything else.And to see everything else is to become an understanding molecule in evolution, a conscious tool of the universe" -Jerry Garcia
and were pleased to announce we are a free drug workplace
outta get sum attention

[reckless toboggan]

Maybe show up, tell them that you had a look at the books, and they're all fucked.

Then do this...

[skaredshtles]

"To get high is to forget yourself. And to forget yourself is to see everything else.And to see everything else is to become an understanding molecule in evolution, a conscious tool of the universe" -Jerry Garcia

Jerry must have been REALLY fucking stoned when he blabbered this nonsense.

Oh, wait.

[fastfred]

as I'm about to take my morning bong hit and get out the door, here are a few of my daily quotes that I use at work

"obviously your making too much money"
"that's all you got done today"
"put your phone down"
"showing photos to each other of chicks with sticks is sexual harrasment don't do it"
"solve the problem"
"I don't know"
"don't bother me I'll be back in a couple hours"
"there is going to be a hot chick coming by in a bit, I'll be impressing her, don't make me look like a fool"
"that was suppose to be done a week ago"
"I don't care"
"when are you getting out of jail"
"donald trump is coming to get you"
"just because I get high doesn't mean you can"
"between the mexicans and the southerners I can't understand any of you"
"english"
"no mota"
"please be safe"
"I told you what? Oh I forgot"
"why is there internet porn charges on the company card I gave you"

[old goat]

I would quote Churchill, as Benny suggested-- "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat,"
Followed up by liberal quoting from the "I have a dream" speech. Totally irrelevant to the subject at hand but they won't notice that.
Followed by "work makes you free". Even more effective in the original German.
"We're on a mission from god."
And if you're not getting through to them--"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

[Mustonen]

Sure. Start with a quote. Make sure it’s bold and impactful. Churchill fits well here. Or “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself” or some kind of high minded bullshit.

Then tell them just kidding. You’re not about all that. But seriously, shit has to change or, to quote Farley, we’re all gonna live in a van down by the river.

You’re having a come to Jesus, let’s get real, cut the bullshit meeting. You don’t have that meeting with bullshit. It’s authentic and it’s informal. Encourage dialog. Every time somebody points out that we can all start doing a better job of including the cover sheets on our TPS reports or some sad sack bullshit that always comes up at these meetings, you have another opportunity to point out that we’re not fixing it by doing the same thing incrementally better.

[Mustonen]

I think if you are leading an organization and have to ask this question on a ski forum, they "may" have hired the wrong person. Just sayin.....

Oh fuck you. This is a fine cross section of people to poll for a question like this. I like it because the filter is set pretty coarse at TGR.... if somebody thinks it’s a shitty fucking idea they’ll tell you just that.

[JimmyCarter]

"There is a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part. You can't even passively take part! And you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop! And you've got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it — that unless you're free, the machine will be prevented from working at all!"

[skaredshtles]

<snip>to quote Farley, we’re all gonna live in a van down by the river.

The older I get, the better this looks.

[skaredshtles]

I would quote Churchill, as Benny suggested-- "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat,"
Followed up by liberal quoting from the "I have a dream" speech. Totally irrelevant to the subject at hand but they won't notice that.
Followed by "work makes you free". Even more effective in the original German.
"We're on a mission from god."
And if you're not getting through to them--"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

Say, "what?" again, muthafukkah.

[I've seen black diamonds!]

If you quote Churchill make sure you use his response to being called "disgustingly drunk:"

"My dear, you are ugly, and what’s more, you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly."

[Conundrum]

There's going to be a few types of people in that meeting and none of them are going to dig quotes. You'll look like an asshole. There's going to be the people that know things are shit and are trying to fix it. They may be good or bad employees but at least they care. The oblivious that may have some talent. The untalented and jerks bringing the culture down. And those who might have talent but are mailing it in. You only need two of the groups to care what you say.

[ill-advised strategy]

my bosses make us watch insane youtube videos. It's excruciating watching them fumble around trying to operate a windows computer and...you know, click on stuff and try to make a video full screen. It's all so very difficult for them, yet they're the ones in charge.

I've posted this before, but yeah...they actually made us watch this at a mandatory meeting. I swear to God, it really happened.

[reckless toboggan]

Management by Inspiration.