Colon Cleanse?

**Station** · 07-07-2005, 06:27 PM

Any spring cleaning aficionados who have found an effective, yet gentle colon cleanse?

I’ve tried several different types of fiber supplements, etc. But I continue my search for a natural cleanse.

**Blurred** · 07-07-2005, 06:29 PM

Dex spends a lot of time putting things into colons. Ask him, he's pro.

**boarderline** · 07-07-2005, 06:31 PM

Did you just fart? It smells like Vaseline.

**Station** · 07-07-2005, 06:34 PM

No Shit!

**Core Shot** · 07-07-2005, 06:58 PM

ahhh, the old SNL sketch

Colon Blow

Phil Hartman was a comic genius!

[ fade in on a man at a table, eating oat bran cereal from a bowl ]

Announcer: Hold it! Is that what you’re having for breakfast?

Man: Sure, haven't you heard? Fiber is really good for you.

Announcer: Well, there's fiber, and then there's high fiber. Try this.

[ offstage hands replace cereal box with Colon Blow cereal box ]

Man: Hmm.. Colon Blow. Sounds delicious. But is it really higher in fiber than my oat bran cereal?

Announcer: Take a guess: How many bowls of your oat bran cereal would it take to equal the fiber content of one bowl of Colon Blow?

Man: Two?

Announcer: Guess again.

Man: Three?

Announcer: A little higher.

Man: Four?

Announcer: Keep trying.

Man: Five?

Announcer: No, you'll have to do better than that.

Man: Seven?

Announcer: Guess again.

Man: Eight?

Announcer: We'll give you one more guess.

Man: Nine.

Announcer: Not even close. [ table starts shaking ] It would take over 30,000 bowls. [ a giant pyramid of cereal bowls shoots up from under the man, who yells in terror as it rises ] To eat that much oat bran, you'd have to eat ten bowls a day, every day for eight and a half years.

Man: [ after the pyramid settles; shouts from afar ] Wow! I think I get the picture! Colon Blow must be the highest fiber cereal on the market!

Announcer: Not any more, now that there's new Super Colon Blow.

Man: Super Colon Blow?

[ pyramid rises even higher with the man screaming ]

Announcer: It would take over two and a half million bowls of your oat bran cereal to equal the fiber content of one bowl of Super Colon Blow.

[ pyramid settles ]

Man: [ overwhelmed ]I'm convinced! [ looks down the pyramid in panic ]

[ cut to close-up of bowl with Colon Blow and Super Colon Blow boxes ]

Jingle: "Colon Blow and you-u-u-u in the morning"

Announcer: Colon Blow and new Super Colon Blow.

Voiceover: Warning: may cause abdominal distention. Consult a physician.

[ fade to black ]

**Station** · 07-07-2005, 07:11 PM

That was a funny skit. I always think of Colon Blow when I eat a bowl of raisin bran.

**Core Shot** · 07-07-2005, 07:34 PM

Originally Posted by Station

That was a funny skit. I always think of Colon Blow when I eat a bowl of raisin bran.

the wierdest part is that when googling for the SNL skit I found there is a real colon blow company:

http://www.colonblow.com/pooppics.htm

**AfroMullet** · 07-07-2005, 08:05 PM

I wanna try some of this stuff...

**Spats** · 07-07-2005, 08:06 PM

The colon cleansing websites make me laugh. "Did you know that as a result of our TERRIBLE WESTERN DIET, there's POOP inside your BUTT?"

**Sublime** · 07-07-2005, 08:07 PM

I'm ashamed of you guys.

it's coffee but only when taken anally.

**flatlander420** · 07-07-2005, 08:35 PM

Originally Posted by Station

Any spring cleaning aficionados who have found an effective, yet gentle colon cleanse?

I’ve tried several different types of fiber supplements, etc. But I continue my search for a natural cleanse.

Aloe Vera juice and psylium husk works good, but if you want to really detox your colon, Colon Hydrotherapy is the way to go.

**LAN** · 07-07-2005, 10:11 PM

Oh dear - now that I've changed jobs and moved to the M-F Poo Palace, here's my suggestion.

First off, drink some coffee early in the morning. If you're not in the shitter by noon, move on to step 2.

Have you tried Colace? You can take it twice a day to soften the stool. If you're not having much luck, move to step 3.

Senna laxative and Milk of Mag. If all else fails, move to the final step ...

Mind you, this whole process should be done over about 5 days. There's no golden rule that you have to shit every day, but if you're backed up and you follow the previous steps, you should produce a Mr. Hanky in no time! GOOD LUCK!

**jdabasin** · 07-07-2005, 10:40 PM

A friend of mine sent me some 'Sculpt and Cleanse' Colon Cleanse made by Health Direct Nutrition about a year ago. He said it works like a charm and I finally gave it a go this past month.

Wow. Like clock work except the dehydration factor was pretty big. I took it over 3 weeks and I feel like a new man!

The alternative is to pound a 12er of Meister Brau Friday night. Wake up Saturday to tons o' coffee and then go for a minimum 3 mile run in the afternoon before repeating the 12er for Saturday night. Coffee Sunday, another run, and you'll be flushed out shortly after the Sunday run.

**cj001f** · 07-07-2005, 10:42 PM

Shigella

**EPSkis** · 07-07-2005, 11:35 PM

You COULD just purchase any of the fine offerings at your local Taco Bell.

Try to do this LATE night. (After 10pm is preferable)

Fix a BIG cup of strong coffee the following morning, say around 8am (ish)

By 9:00am, your problem should be solved. Repeatedly.

**freshie247** · 07-07-2005, 11:40 PM

Originally Posted by EPSkis

You COULD just purchase any of the fine offerings at your local Taco Bell.

Try to do this LATE night. (After 10pm is preferable)

Fix a BIG cup of strong coffee the following morning, say around 8am (ish)

By 9:00am, your problem should be solved. Repeatedly.

I always knew there should be a sign on the bathroom that say's "Border".

**runethechamp** · 07-07-2005, 11:44 PM

Originally Posted by Spats

The colon cleansing websites make me laugh. "Did you know that as a result of our TERRIBLE WESTERN DIET, there's POOP inside your BUTT?"

I had my whole system cleaned out before I had a colonoscopy 3 years ago, and the pictures I got from my doctor actually show some pieces of corn just sitting around in there. That shit can stay in there forever.

**powpig** · 07-08-2005, 12:50 AM

http://www.dr-schulze.com/store/Scri...ategory=24&h=1

Shit works! ( pun intended )

**runethechamp** · 07-08-2005, 09:13 AM

Look, corn!!!

**watersnowdirt** · 07-08-2005, 09:18 AM

Holy crap - now I really have seen everything on this board. I've seen Rune's colon!

Gotta love TGR - there's at least one poop thread per week.

**yogachik** · 07-08-2005, 09:29 AM

I all seriousness, there's a product made by Harmony Products that's 2 steps - multi herb pills to detox, and the psyllium pills to get it out. I think it's 29 different herbs. Really great stuff.

Product: Harmony Formula's Multi-Cleanse Formula

Description: The Multi-Cleanse has two components: Multi-Herb and Multi-Fiber which work together to provide a complete internal detoxification system cleansing all 5 channels of elimination (lymph, bowel/ liver, kidneys, skin, lungs). Multi-Herb contains 591 mg of: Alfalfa Leaf, Fenugreek Seed, Ginger Root, Dandelion Root, Fennel Seed, Yarrow Flower, Cat's Claw Bark, Hawthorn Berries, Horsetail Herb, Licorice Root, Marshmallow Root, Peppermint Leaf, Red Clover Tops, Red Raspberry Leaf, Safflower Oil, Skullcap Herb, Burdock Root, Chickweed Herb, Mullein Leaf, Papaya Leaf, Black Cohosh Root, Cayenne Fruit, Irish Moss, Pacific Kelp, Plantain Herb, Slippery Elm Bark, Yellow Dock Root, Milk Thistle Extract, Echinacea Angustifolia Leaf Extract, Ginkgo Biloba Extract Multi-Fiber contains 637 mg of: Cascara Sagrada Bark, Fennel Seed, Psyllium Seed, Ginger Root, Elder Berries, Cinnamon Bark, Cloves. Acacia Gum, Alfalfa Leaf, Apple Pectin, Apple Powder, Barley Rice Fiber, Beet Root, Glucomannan, Gum Karaya, Lemon Peel, Peppermint Leaf, Oat Bran, Red Raspberry Leaf, Slippery Elm Bark, Shattered Cell Wall Chlorella, Lactobacillus Acidophillus (Dairy Free), Guar Gum (<0.5%)

Benefits: The 29 herbs in the Multi-Herb are designed to help the body pull toxins out of its tissues and channel the toxins primarily into the colon via the lymph and bile fluids. The 13 different fiber sources of the Multi-Fiber binds up the different types of toxins. The herb Cascara Sagrada, a bowel stimulant, helps insure regular bowel movement and thus eliminating toxins from the body as fast as the Multi-Herb is pulling them out of the tissues. To insure a complete job of cleaning hardened, impacted focal matter out of the colon, the Multi-Cleanse Formula is designed to be taken with the Fiber Formula.

You can't get any more natural than this product - this site has a good price (under $30 for both)

**Mcwop** · 07-08-2005, 09:33 AM

Prune juice. Works every time.

**snowsprite** · 07-08-2005, 09:56 AM

***this space reserved for something to say, once I get over reading that corn thing and then seeing a picture of it***

**irul&ublo** · 07-08-2005, 10:00 AM

1. Go to the nearest White Castle.

2. Purchase 6 of the little burgers.

3. Consume.

4. Add greasy fries to that.

5. Shit like crazy.

Or.....

1. Fly to Mexico.

2. Drink tap water.

3. Shit like crazy.