Older parents-WWYD?

[skiJ]

Mom had a stroke on Wednesday. Currently in hospital but moving to rehab tomorrow. She is left side neglect and on top of that has now tested positive for the flu.

Other than that she looks pretty good for 92. Long term recall is great but is easily overwhelmed by too many questions.

+++vibes+++ for KQ and her Mom
With love


skiJ

[Harry]

My thoughts are with KQ and her Mom.


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[gravitylover]

Is today the last time I see my dad? Not sure but that seems to be what the nurses think.*sigh*

[riser4]

+++vibes+++

[KQ]

Is today the last time I see my dad? Not sure but that seems to be what the nurses think.*sigh*

May he go peacefully into that long dark night.

(((((Hugs)))))

[JohnF]

Sorry GL.

[G. Gordon Liddy]

Sorry GL, I just lost both my folks this year. Whatever you do, just give them a giant hug and tell them you love them every time you can. I'd do a lot for one just one more time.

[old goat]

My mom died in her sleep about 10 years ago. She'd had a few bumps along the way--starting with TB as a kid, before drugs for it and again after my younger brother was born. A broken pelvis and another hospitalization I forget what for, but she was at home and seemingly OK when she went to bed and didn't wake up. Wish I could ask her how she managed it. Dying doesn't scare me. A stroke does. Thoughts for KQ and GL.

[KQ]

Thanks everyone for the thoughts. Mom is actually doing very well. You can't tell she's had a stoke (this is actually her second). The only problem she's having is left side neglect which means she can't see anything left of center. It's totally weird. She's in rehab now to help teach her how to manage with her new reality.

[KQ]

This is an interesting read and something to know/understand about your aging loved one. I've seen this with my mom moving her between home/hospital/rehab facility.

Relocating Nursing Home Residents Can Be Fatal. Is a Wave of ‘Transfer Trauma’ Coming?

[gravitylover]

My mom died in her sleep about 10 years ago. She'd had a few bumps along the way--starting with TB as a kid, before drugs for it and again after my younger brother was born. A broken pelvis and another hospitalization I forget what for, but she was at home and seemingly OK when she went to bed and didn't wake up. Wish I could ask her how she managed it. Dying doesn't scare me. A stroke does. Thoughts for KQ and GL.

My mom died sitting in a chair reading a book. When nobody could get in touch with her for a few hours my brother went to the house to see what was wrong. When he walked in there she was just sitting there and he thought she was sleeping so he tapped her shoulder and she flopped over. Dad was in the hospital so he called me first and he sounded kinda fucked up... I'll always feel bad for him that he had to be the one to deal with that on his own.

It was weird, I think I knew she passed but didn't read the sign I was given. I was driving my daughter to a mt bike race and right about sunrise a Raven flew in front of the car and hovered over the center of the windshield at 60mph for a minute. I slowed to about 30mph in the middle of the highway amazed at this thing and it turned and looked right at me, dipped its wings in both directions and lazily floated away. I was a little shaken but passed it off as I accelerated away. Maybe a minute later as I was sitting there trying to figure out what just happened I saw a cop start moving, looked down and realized I was moving at a pretty good clip and of course I was being pulled over... When I stopped I realized I had missed the exit which sorta sucked. It was also the only race of her 4 year NICA adventure that she wasn't on the podium.

So I went down to see dad yesterday and I don't think he's as bad off as lil bro and the nurses are saying. Yeah he's tired and wiped out but when you just lay in bed for weeks and don't do shit for yourself that's gonna happen. When we walked in he was eating pancakes and was full of sarcasm and distaste for the world. IOW, normal. He gets confused more easily than he used to but so do I, he looks gaunt and worn out but I think that's mostly because he's checked out and doesn't care about much anymore. Why do I think that? Because he straight-up said so a couple of times. IMO when you give up upstairs the body follows, in this case I think he wants it to follow more quickly than it is which kinda sux but if that ends the discomfort, so be it. Because he's checked out I'm having a hard time being as emotional as people seem to think I should.

[KQ]

Because he's checked out I'm having a hard time being as emotional as people seem to think I should.

I've watched my whole family die. My brothers in 72 &74, Grandpa in 83, Dad in 86, Grandmother in 2002. My mother is 92. I will be sad when she dies but not surprised nor will I feel bad for her. 92+ is a good run IMO. Is that wrong?

I read that article I posted above and they talk about ppl who are 94 and older dying and how it was someone's fault for moving them from one facility to another (transfer stress they call it). That may well be but they were 94+ and in a nursing home. You can't live forever. Maybe there's something wrong with how I see these things but I think a death at that age is to be expected. What do you all think?

[old goat]

My uncle was a lawyer. After he moved to California later in life he worked into his eighties with a bunch of 20-30 somethings editing state supreme court rulings. Then he wound up in a board and care home, developed a bed sore and wound up in Stanford Hospital. We visited him shortly before he died. A young neurologist came in and asked if he could examine him. My uncle said no. The doctor said "But Mr. Roberts, when I came by yesterday you said I could examine you today." "That cannot be proven."

When my mother and brother visited my grandfather and found him sitting in a chair, dead, they did CPR. I hope no one does that to me. (Probably no one will visit me so it won't be an issue.)

[Bunion 2020]

92 is a great run. So no, not wrong.

I think I don't want to live in a nursing home at 94, hanging on. But when I am 93 I might feel differently.

Aging is so weird.

[gravitylover]

About the only thing I know for sure is I don't want to go the way these two old guys are going. When my time is up it's up, none of this laying around waiting for my body to crap out. I don't know how it'll go down but it'll be a lot quicker than this.

[skiJ]

My uncle was a lawyer. After he moved to California later in life he worked into his eighties with a bunch of 20-30 somethings editing state supreme court rulings. Then he wound up in a board and care home, developed a bed sore and wound up in Stanford Hospital. We visited him shortly before he died. A young neurologist came in and asked if he could examine him. My uncle said no. The doctor said "But Mr. Roberts, when I came by yesterday you said I could examine you today." "That cannot be proven."

When my mother and brother visited my grandfather and found him sitting in a chair, dead, they did CPR. I hope no one does that to me. (Probably no one will visit me so it won't be an issue.)

before I went to court last Tuesday,
I wrote Do NOT resuscitate across my chest with a Sharpie -

I am ( upset. Not my preferred word )
... I am ( upset ) that it washed - away in the shower -

Dad died alone -
his 'daughter' three miles away(,) told the staff to 'make him as comfortable as ( they could) '

F.


I hope I walk away while I can. (!! )

KQ ! + More vibes+ for You and your Mom ! !!

peace, my friends. !

skiJ

[riser4]

Older parents? Send them to Appalachia.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/real...ia/ar-BB1jOoyr

[old goat]

Or California's verson of Appalachia--the foothills. Until they get burned out. (The real kind of burn out.)

[KQ]

So I suspected for some time and it was confirmed last night that my mother is experiencing Sundowners Syndrome.

Got a call from the rehab place she's in for her stroke that she was wandering into ppls rooms and being combative. They put me on the phone with her and she proceeded to tell me there was a man there that wanted to give her a necklace and tighten it too tight because evidently she'd found out something she wasn't supposed to know and I needed to call 911.

Ugh.

She sounded totally insane but at the same time was speaking quiet clearly and concisely (something that often happens to dementia patients shortly before they die).

Absolutely no dementia or alzheimers in her family with everyone living to 100+

[gravitylover]

Yeah that's what's happening to my dad, he was quite forceful and clear the other day but it was nonsense mixed with paranoia and conspiracy theories. No history in his family either. I sure hope this ends soon for him, the thought of years like it's been with my FIL (7 so far) is horrible.

Vibes KQ.

[old goat]

People with dementia can sundown but so can older people without dementia. Many sundowners go back to their previous, non-demented status when they can go back to their familiar home and be around familiar people. My experience is with inpatients in acute care hospitals but I would expect the same thing would apply to people in chronic situations, once they become familiar with the place, the people, and the routine. I hope that's the case with your mom.

The classic example of temporary dementia is Jerusalem sydnrome--previously mentally normal people go to Jerusalem and become deluded that they are biblical characters. The treatment apparently is two weeks of inpatient psychiatric care after which they are supposedly mentally normal and never go on to further mental illness. There's also the Gaza syndrome, where you think someone is trying to bomb your house with you in it, but this is apparently not a delusion.

[Diamond Joe]

...found him sitting in a chair, dead, they did CPR. I hope no one does that to me.

DNR/Comfort Care/MOLST and make *sure* that no one does it to you, if thats what you want

[KQ]

Ugh.....

It's sundown and I just got a call from the rehab facility. She's pulling her call button out of the wall. She's called 911 and refuses everything they suggest saying she doesn't know what she wants.

I talked to her and she was pleading with me to come (I was there this afternoon for several hours as I do everyday) but I Iive out of town and have trouble driving at night so I declined telling her that she had all the help she needed there and to let them help her. She said okay but qualified "within reason."

This is no way to live.

[The Reverend Floater]

Ugh.....

It's sundown and I just got a call from the rehab facility. She's pulling her call button out of the wall. She's called 911 and refuses everything they suggest saying she doesn't know what she wants.

I talked to her and she was pleading with me to come (I was there this afternoon for several hours as I do everyday) but I Iive out of town and have trouble driving at night so I declined telling her that she had all the help she needed there and to let them help her. She said okay but qualified "within reason."

This is no way to live.

Sorry, KQ.

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[skinipenem]

Ugh.....

It's sundown and I just got a call from the rehab facility. She's pulling her call button out of the wall. She's called 911 and refuses everything they suggest saying she doesn't know what she wants.

I talked to her and she was pleading with me to come (I was there this afternoon for several hours as I do everyday) but I Iive out of town and have trouble driving at night so I declined telling her that she had all the help she needed there and to let them help her. She said okay but qualified "within reason."

This is no way to live.

Not medical advice.... did this just start? If so, is she getting sick? Hopefully, the facility is working her up for possible infection... UTI, etc.... that'll cause the elderly to get wacky.

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