Need a "happier than" metaphor

[iceman]

Happier than a Timberridge in Vermont.*

*which is easy to be, because he's not happy in Vermont this year. Setting the happiness bar kind of low, but hey.

[iceman]

But really is there any of these better than happier than a pig in shit? That one has it all.

[babybear]

But really is there any of these better than happier than a pig in shit? That one has it all.

The classique can't be beat

[irul&ublo]

happier than iceman in jeans

[iceman]

I used to work for this Canadian guy who had all these sayings, like "busier than a one-armed paperhanger" and "busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest" and "better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick", let's hear more since we finished the "happier than" thread just now.

[abraham]

I used to work for this Canadian guy who had all these sayings, like "busier than a one-armed paperhanger" and "busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest" and "better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick", let's hear more since we finished the "happier than" thread just now.

A metaphor designer? https://aeon.co/essays/how-to-build-...people-s-minds

[Powder Ho]

Happier than the panda at the zoo playing in the snow. I'd guess you' d have to have seen the video, but he was pretty dam happy.

[dtown]

I used to work for this Canadian guy who had all these sayings, like "busier than a one-armed paperhanger" and "busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest" and "better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick", let's hear more since we finished the "happier than" thread just now.

Hotter than panther piss...

[iceman]

I had this crew coach in High School who used to stutter when he got excited, he used to love to get us out on the river when it was unbearably cold out, he'd get us together before practice and he'd literally be rubbing his hands together with glee and he'd always say, "It's c-c-c-colder than a w-w-w-witches t-t-t-tit out there boys!"

[GimpToo]

Piss like a race horse...

[t-the-east]

Two of my favorites

A midget at a mini skirt convention

Eddie Money running a travel agency

[pfluffenmeister]

I had this crew coach in High School who used to stutter when he got excited, he used to love to get us out on the river when it was unbearably cold out, he'd get us together before practice and he'd literally be rubbing his hands together with glee and he'd always say, "It's c-c-c-colder than a w-w-w-witches t-t-t-tit out there boys!"

My coach cleaned it up a little and said: "Colder than a Nitches Wipple!".

[brice618]

Happier than a dead pig with his head stuck under a gate.

[Mazderati]

Hotter than two mice fucking in a wool sock.
Hotter than a freshly fucked fox in a forest fire.
Crazier than a shithouse rat.
More nervous than a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

[BmillsSkier]

I used to work with a golf pro from Texas. Had the best sayings for everything.

Pro: Hey Bmills, you need to get yourself a bigger truck, one with some space between the front seats. That way when you drive home a homely girl the next morning, no one thinks you're together.

Pro: Hey Bmills, that putt back there to clinch 5 skins? Strong as new rope!

I could go on for days with his stuff. Cracked my ass up.

Pro: that girl's about as useful as tits on a steer.

[Danno]

Piss like a race horse...

do race horses piss more than other kinds of horses?

[ill-advised strategy]

I used to work for this Canadian guy who had all these sayings, like "busier than a one-armed paperhanger" and "busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest" and "better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick", let's hear more since we finished the "happier than" thread just now.

How did you ski today? like a 3 legged cat trying to bury turds on a frozen pond.

[iceman]

I resemble that remark.

[beaterdit]

Happier'n a pup with two peters.

[BmillsSkier]

How's that golf swing of yours?

Like an unfolding lawn chair.

[Tye 1on]

same theme: happier than a double-dicked billygoat.

slicker than a puddle of piss on a parquet floor.

about as useful as a football bat.

[Tor-tour]

Happier than a tick on fat boy's ballsack

[KQ]

His stairs don't go right up to the top floor
His chairs not quite under the table
Two kopecks short of a ruble
Two house bricks short of a hodful
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer
Dumb as a bag of hammers

You didn't fall out of the stupid tree, you were drug through the entire dumb-ass forest

and one of my favs:

Her ass looks like a sack full of cats headed for the river

[XXX-er]

I forget the actual specifics but I asked a work mate a kind of a crusty mountain man who shot black powder rifles and that would be flintlocks not them new fangled percussion cap rifles IF he checked something or other probably in regards to the adjustment of SFT and he said

Yup ... flatter than piss on a plate

[XXX-er]

fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down