The List - NSFW

[mrburns]

This was received by a friend of mine a few years ago, he spent WAY too much time editing it. I thought this would be a good place for it....



A Glossary of Terms

ARABIAN GOGGLES: /a-RA-be-an GAU-gals/ 1.n. Eyeglasses originating from the Middle Eastern region of the world; specially designed with hooded sides to protect the desert camel driver in extreme sand and wind storms common to the area. 2. n. A seldom-seen maneuver involving the testicles where the satchel is spread wide and placed on the face of the "ride", thus resting the balls in said gogglee's eye sockets.

BEEF CURTAIN: /BEEF kurtun/ 1. n. A temperature barrier to protect a meat locker from harmful heat and bacteria. 2. The skanked-out remains of the labia after being stretched like play-doh from an hour of jammy-jam (see also BEEF DRAPES and MEAT TARP).

CAJUN HOT STICK: /cage-in hot sti-ck/ 1. n. A spicy meat stick. 2. n. The act in which the cock is taken out of her pooper (see also CAJUN LOG) and slathered in the pool of dip spit in
the small of her back and then re-inserted.

CHILIDOG: /chil-e dog/ 1. A hot dog served covered with chili 2. The act of defecating between a woman's breasts, and then putting ones Johnson into the feces, to create the look of the chili dog. (see Pasadena Mudslide)

CHRISTMAS TURKEY CARVER: 1. n. A large, straight knife used to slice a cooked bird before consumption. 2. n. The person doing the carving. 3. n. The act of sitting carefully behind your prone partner, inserting three fingers in her vagina, one in her ass, and voraciously pumping your digits in and out, maintaining a perfect L-bend at the elbow, and using only your rotator cuff as a power-pivot. (see also SHOCKER and MACHINE GUN KELLEY). 4. n. The person doing the carving (see RON JEREMY.)

CLEVELAND STEAMER: /KLEEV-lund STEE-mrhh/ 1. n. A water-based merchant cargo vessel originating from a large Ohio city near Lake Erie. 2. n.(slang) The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penal (that is, penis) pleasure from friction between the mammaries. (see HAWAIIN MUSCLE FUCK and PASADENA MUDSLIDE)

DAVEY CROCKETT: /da-VE krok-et/ 1. p.n. American folk hero of note, known as the king of the wild frontier, and recognized by his raccoon skin cap. Renowned for killing a bear when he was only three. 2. n. A sexual maneuver in which you slip an muscle relaxer into your partner's sizzpod, and slide your head in, thus wearing your partner's now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap.

DIRTY SANCHEZ: /dur-TEE SAN-chez/ 1. n. A filthy, hair-lipped Mexican peasant. 2. n. The act of fingering a chick's cornhole, and wiping the remaining detritus on her upper lip while screwing her from behind, thus leaving a trail of shit moustached across her visage

DOLPHIN: /dol-fin/ 1. n. Any of various marine mammals related to the whales but gen. smaller and having a beaklike snout, chiefly of the family Delphinidae, esp. the common, widely distributed species Delphinus delphis. 2. v. The common result occurring when positioned in “doggystyle” one attempts to enter through the “backdoor” and is immediately met with the response ahn ahn and a shake of the head signaling no. Repeated rapidly and emphatically as the attempt continues, the sound is very similar to the underwater chirps of a dolphin.

DONKEY PUNCH: /dong’kee punch/ 1. V. To hit with a sharp blow of the fist the domesticated ass probably descended from the wild ass Equus asinus. 2. V. the dangerous and possibly illegal maneuver performed during anal sex. 3. N. To render said anal “catcher” unconscious with a forceful blow to the back of the head while buried balls deep in their can, resulting in involuntary sphincter contraction. (Optional: The phrase "He-Haw” is sometimes bellowed shortly before the punch. This is considered a very bold rendition and is recommended only for professionals.)

DOUBLE WISHBONE: /dub-el wish-BON/ 1.n. an advanced hock-absorbency suspension system design found in most modern automobiles. 2.n. The play in which, while in seated 69 position, the man inserts both index fingers into the vagina and both middle fingers into the anus followed by aggressively pulling outwards with both arms. Spitting in anus, while optional, is encouraged for future maneuvers.

DUTCH OVEN: /duh-shovin/ 1. n. a cast-iron kettle with a tight cover that is used for baking on an open fire. 2. n. entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass-odor by farting under the covers and pulling them up over her head (and yours as well if your into it.)

DUTCH TREAT: /dush-treet/ 1. n. A meal or other entertainment for which each person pays his own way. 2. n. the unexpected result of a Dutch oven gone bad. (see also "GAMBLING and LOSING")

FLAMING PELE: /flay-ming pay-LAY/ 1. p.n. A gay Brazilian soccer star. 2. n. the finishing move in which after taking a woman from behind, the man lights her pubic hair on fire and kicks her in the ass.

FROTHY WALRUS: /fra-thee wal-rus/ 1. A large sea-faring mammal with rabies or foot in mouth disease. 2. When a man is getting a blowjob, At the point of orgasm (assuming that the performer swallows) the blowee punches the blower in the stomach, causing the semen to shoot out their nose. If punching is too violent (but who are you kidding after you just did a donkey punch?) tell a very funny joke.

FRUIT SALAD: 1. N. A dish of chopped fresh fruits, often prepared with a dressing, and served cold. 2. N. The resultant pose created by tucking your sack and balls back between your legs and bending over to display. Often used as a command: “Give ‘em the Fruit Salad!”

FULL METAL JACKET: /ful met’l jak’it/ 1. N. A short coat, usually reaching the hip constructed of one of a category of electropositive elements that are usually whitish and lustrous and typically ductile, malleable and with high tensile strength. 2. N. the 1987 Stanley Kubric motion picture about the Vietnam War. 3. The honor bestowed on the man who, after having whipped out his dick for the imminent copulation, elicits the response “you ain’t gonna put that thing in me.” (See also ALABAMA BLACK SNAKE)

GAMBLING and LOSING: 1. v. leaving Vegas empty-handed. 2. v. when unsure if an anal discharge will be a fart or a shit, letting it rip and squirting mud.

GLAZED DONUT: /glaz-d DO-nut/ 1.n. a sugar coated baked pastry characterized by its round shape and puckered hole in the middle. 2. n. The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spoo-ing all over her pastry buns, thus transforming her rump into the illusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut.

GOFRJ: 1. A collection of letters from the English alphabet consisting of 4 consonants and a vowel. 2. The pronunciation of the word gofers made famous by the Scottish greenskeeper and his incompetent assistant in the 1980 Warner Brothers classic golf film Caddyshack. 3. Acronym: Good Ole Fashioned Rim Job (see RIM).

GREEK: /gr-ek/ 1. n. A man or woman that was born in Greece. >2. v. The act of using your glue stick (if you know what I'm saying) and gluing your said partner's eyes closed. i.e. "Hey guys, check it out, "I greeked her" or "I'm sorry honey but you asked for the "greek salad".

HIGH DIVE: /hi-div/ 1. n. Act of jumping out of a plane and free falling toward earth at nearly 200 mph.. 2. The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner’s hole, and in one motion, swiftly jamming it homes again. Best used in Corn Hole technique, but dangerous.

HOT KARL: n. 1. A German man who just happens to be warm at the moment. 2. n. the act in which a woman sucks the cock of the man who was just balls deep in her can. (see also
CORN HOLE)

HOT KARL CANDY CANE: n. 1. A variation of the aforementioned in which the man who is receiving oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.(See also SHOCKER)

HOT LUNCH: 1.n. Any of a myriad of well-balanced and pre-prepared meals, delivered warm to the children at lunchtime in the school cafeteria. 2. n. The results of defecating directly into your partner’s mouth.

KENNEBUNKPORT SURPRISE: /ke-ne-bunk-port SU-pris/ 1.n. An unexpected gift from the Atlantic coast of Maine. 2.n. The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England Clam Chowder and screaming in disgust as you release it between your partner's legs while chowing box.

MONROE TRANSFER: /MAN-ro trans-fur/ 1.n. Any sort of exchange made in a quaint Connecticut town. 2. n. Any purchase of drugs at a McDonalds drive-thru window in said quaint Connecticut town. 3. n. The act when the woman's back and the bed are perpendicular but she is upside down (see SAMOAN PILE DRIVER), back-to-back with the right-side-up standing man. Through careful anal-orifice matching techniques, the man craps directly into the woman's upside-down pooper.

the MOOSE: 1. n. A hoofed mammal of the deer family, dwelling in the forests of North America and Eurasia, with broad pendulous muzzle and large flat antlers in the male. 2. n. The sign given to a kickee when in doggie style. It is performed by placing both hands over your head with palms facing out and waving your fingers wildly.

NEW JERSEY MEATHOOK: /nu jer-ZE mEt-huk/ 1.n. Any of a breed of rusty, sharp east-coast ceiling hooks used to hang beef sides in a meat locker. 2.n. The act of inserting your finger into the ass of your partner, and while screwing her from behind, using only your arm muscles to control the consummation rhythm and process. This method requires excellent restraint and posture; hunchbacking or bending at the waist is never permitted. (see OVEN STUFFER ROASTER)

the NIXON: 1. n. The 37th U.S. President who was forced to resign in 1973 amidst allegations of campaign fraud. 2. n. A variation of THE MOOSE in which you give two peace signs as your indication of dominance. (Optional: You may yell "I'm not a crook. This is considered a very bold rendition and is very rarely done.)

[mrburns]

OVEN STUFFER ROASTER: 1. n. Type of chicken that is usually seasoned and baked for an extended period. 2. n. The unusual method of inserting your finger in the ass of your partner while
screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is more effective from behind (see NEW JERSEY MEATHOOK).

PASADENA MUDSLIDE: /pa-sa-dE-na MUD-slid/ 1.n. A massive erosion event caused by the combination of steep slopes and torrential rain in the San Fernando Valley of Southern California. 2.n. The act of leaving a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. A close cousin to the CLEVELAND STEAMER.

PAYING THE RENT: 1.n. A regularly scheduled exchange of equity for the right to reside on another's piece of real property. 2. n. A sexual position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, with the man holding the back of her calves and banging ferociously.

The PHANTOM: 1. N. Something apparently seen, heard or sensed but having no physical reality. 2. While hitting it doggy style; before ejaculating, pull out and spit on partners back in a manner which would convince them that ejaculation occurred. When they turn around to face you, then bust a nut on their face.



The PIRATE: /PI rit/ 1. n. One who robs at sea or plunders the land from the sea without the commission from a sovereign nation. 2. v. The act of depositing ones "love potion" onto the woman's eye and allowing it to harden into an eye patch, said depositer then kicks the woman in the shins, causing her to exclaim "Aaarrgh. (A extremely risky rendition of the “Greek”)

RIM: /RIM/ 1. n. The outer often curved or circular edge of something. 2. the outer often wrinkled and dark brown edge of the shit shoot. 3. v. (ing) the art of exploring this prune-like orifice with your tongue (see also "ANAL TONGUE DARTS")

RODEO: 1. n. A competition featuring such skills as bronco riding and steer wrestling. 2. v. Have your friends hide in the closets in a room. While they are hidden, bring your partner in, and begin having sex doggy style. Hold on to your partners shoulders, and yell "RODEO!!" At this point, your friends will all jump out of the closets, and your job is to prevent your lay from squirming away. (Variation: when you are "in the saddle" you call her another woman's name and try to hang on 'till the bell.)

RUSTY TROMBONE: /rus’tee trom-bon’/ 1. N. A brass musical instrument that functions incorrectly because of rust. 2. V. The act of receiving a rim job and simultaneously having your penis stroked by the unlucky sap tonguing your bung.

SAMOAN PILE DRIVER: /suh-MOan Pyl-dryver/ 1. n. A virility dance practiced throughout Samoan tribes in the Ganges River Basin. 2.n. A large crane-like machine used to extract diamonds from the Samoan Diamond Mines of Carnutspa. 3. n. A sexual position that occurs when the woman's back and the bed are perpendicular but she is upside down (See also FLOAT VALVE). The practitioner of the Pile Driver stands above the woman and points his shit due south, simply bending his knees for repeated bludgeoning. This process is repeated while screaming, "Abdaay....goony,goony,goony...ABDAY. ABDAY. ABDAY HA!" Repeat and rinse.

SCABBY D: /skab-E DE/ 1.n. a rapper from Des Moines with a bizarre speech impediment. 2. n. The unfortunate side effect resulting from dry fucking in blue jeans sans undergarments.
One of the most feared of all sexual accidents.

SHOP-VAC: /shop vak/ 1. n. An industrial electrical appliance used to clean surfaces with suction. 2. v. The act of making a girl inhale your hog from behind while you're "pulling the V" (see FRUIT BASKET, SILENCE OF THE LAMBS).

TEA BAG: /tee bagg/ 1.n A porous sack holding enough tealeaves to make an individual serving of tea. 2.n. A sack like structure congaing my fat balls that is attached to my massive unit and is stuffed into the mouths of young girls to make them make a "wamuphm" like noise. 3.v tea bag(ing) the act of stuffing them with the sack filled with my fat balls.

TOPEKA DESTROYER: / TOE-pek-a d'stroi-yrr/ 1. n. An ironclad American warship fabricated in the shipyards of the Kansas State capital. 2. n. The act of vomiting directly onto your partner's head while receiving fellatio. (See COLD LUNCH)

TOSSED SALAD: 1. N. A dish of green, leafy raw vegetables, often with radish, cucumber, tomato, etc., tossed with a dressing. 2. V. The act of having your asshole eaten out, especially with jelly or syrup. Generally used with homosexual connotations. (See RIM)

VEGETARIAN HOT LUNCH: 1. n. A variation of the <HOT LUNCH> for students who are not inclined to eat animal products. 2. n. A variation upon the aforementioned meal in which the diner
stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with animal product occurs. (see DENTAL DAM)

[booner]

The fact that "lamb roast" isn't on this list is a crime


Sent from one of those fancy cellular telephones

[mrburns]

The fact that "lamb roast" isn't on this list is a crime


Sent from one of those fancy cellular telephones

I by no means claim this to be a complete list, merely a starting point, feel free to add anything missing, never heard of the "lamb roast". Additions are welcome...

[Mazderati]

Eiffel Tower

[Flyoverland Captive]

You're way out of your league.

[BmillsSkier]

I see you left out the David Witherspoon. Prude.

[Bobcat Sig]

No Paddington Ambush? Fail.

[Boomer28]

We had one in college called "Playing Through": Step 1: wait for friend to be doing the sex. Step 2: open door and throw golf balls into room (bonus points for glow in the dark ball). Step 3: Bust in with 4 people, butt naked with golf clubs and proceed to hack away at the balls while kindly asking if you can play through and screaming "FORE!!!!". Step 4: Hilarity ensues.

[booner]

I by no means claim this to be a complete list, merely a starting point, feel free to add anything missing, never heard of the "lamb roast". Additions are welcome...

http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...m=lamb%20roast





Sent from one of those fancy cellular telephones

[liv2ski]

Damn...I learned something tonight. Now I need to promptly forget it.

[Mazderati]

[DasBlunt]

I could never imagine some of these things...Where do people come up with this shit. So much strange feces fetish....

I am thankfully so fucking normal,

[Crampedon]

RE: Donkey Punch, AKA " the head slap"

Warning, this only works ONCE, then they see it coming and duck out.

Enjoy