Management advice

**systemoverblow'd** · 06-13-2014, 09:39 AM

I'm pretty new to management and have a dilemma that someone here has had to deal with in the past and seeking advice.

We hired this young guy fresh out of college a while ago. He is my direct report. He has a long time girlfriend that he never shuts up about. She also recently went off to grad school but they are keeping the relationship going long distance (stupid, but who am I to judge).
Recently he has been spending an awful lot of time with another young chica here. And their relationship is glaringly obvious to pretty much everyone.

Now normally I would keep my trap shut and mind my business but he is giving himself a bad rep around the office. Which sucks because he his a great worker and nice guy minus the infidelity.
I see myself as able to not only manage this kid but mentor him. He's young and makes mistakes like we all do. He respects me and I feel I should kind of push him in the right direction. Hell, I fucked up so many times I can explain why his stupid shenanigans will likely blow up in his face.

I want to tell him
#1: he is being looked at like kind of an asshole to his peers. We are full of millennials and the majority are female. They know what's going on.
#2: he should probably avoid work relationships on the whole as they usually cause problems.

Should I mind my business? Or is this exactly the type of situation a good manager jumps in to?

Thanks.

**::: :::** · 06-13-2014, 09:43 AM

take him aside at the slumber party and tell him then

**systemoverblow'd** · 06-13-2014, 09:50 AM

I'll be too drunk then

**adrenalated** · 06-13-2014, 09:52 AM

Bang his new chica. Problem solved.

**systemoverblow'd** · 06-13-2014, 09:54 AM

She's gross.

**Gcooker** · 06-13-2014, 09:55 AM

Fire her, sounds like you got too many woman ruining the misogynistic work environment us men crave.

**Bobcat Sig** · 06-13-2014, 09:56 AM

Originally Posted by adrenalated

Bang his new chica. Problem solved.

This. Or just pull him aside and help understand the perception he's creating for himself in a mentor-mentee way. Pretty easy.

**skiballs** · 06-13-2014, 10:00 AM

Originally Posted by systemoverblow'd

I see myself as able to not only manage this kid but mentor him.

Why don't you just shoot him in the head now and save him the agony.

**DJSapp** · 06-13-2014, 10:01 AM

Originally Posted by Bobcat Sig

This. Or just pull him aside and help understand the perception he's creating for himself in a mentor-mentee way. Pretty easy.

That's a bit tougher when he's a direct report. I'd talk to him about #1, and only mention that #2 better not interfere with his and her work responsibilities, and in your personal experience of being a fuck up, it usually does.

**Cono Este** · 06-13-2014, 10:10 AM

You're too new to management to start making stupid decisions for yourself, call in HR.

**butterscotch** · 06-13-2014, 10:11 AM

Does your company have a policy on office relationships?

Might be best to have a chat with him in a more casual setting, go out to lunch or grab a beer. You could probably say a version of what you already posted: "You're personal life isn't really any of my business, but I like your work and want you to be successful here. Blah, blah, blah. Etc, etc."

**flatlander#2** · 06-13-2014, 10:17 AM

Agency life so I'm guessing you happy hour on a Friday afternoon? I barely worked Friday's but it was the booze industry. After he's had a couple in a loose environ and probably thinking about sneaking away with her for a quickie, thinking everyone just thinks we're great friends call him aside and say hey man I know you like the banging but personally, cut one loose first because EVERYONE knows. Or maybe he doesn't give a crap. Some of it really isn't yours to judge.

And this is agency life. Cripes the side banging at some of the firms I've worked at.

Hugh Conway · 06-13-2014, 10:17 AM

it's his own fucking business, stay the fuck out of it.

**PNWbrit** · 06-13-2014, 10:22 AM

Originally Posted by Gcooker

Fire her, sounds like you got too many woman ruining the misogynistic work environment us men crave.

Ahhh . ANother graduate of the 4matic school of management

**systemoverblow'd** · 06-13-2014, 10:24 AM

Originally Posted by Hugh Conway

it's his own fucking business, stay the fuck out of it.

So you would never give real advice to someone you considered a friend? Awesome guy bro!

I never planned on getting him in trouble or reprimanding him or anything, just a little nudge "dude, you're kind of coming off as an asshole. Just an FYI." Hell, people tell me all that all the time here, it doesn't mean I listen to them.

He's not breaking any official work policies. But when one of our SVP's that sits next to us brought it up with me (he asked if I noticed)... maybe it's time to say something.

Hugh Conway · 06-13-2014, 10:32 AM

Is he your subordinate or your friend?

I've never worked in a place that gossipy.

**systemoverblow'd** · 06-13-2014, 10:34 AM

Originally Posted by flatlander#2

Agency life so I'm guessing you happy hour on a Friday afternoon?

I'm already home

Yeah, we go out and get drinks often. Maybe I'll just bring it up then as "just a little piece of advice you can take or leave."

**DBdude** · 06-13-2014, 10:34 AM

Originally Posted by Cono Este

You're too new to management to start making stupid decisions for yourself, call in HR.

bad idea - do not involve HR - this could hurt the kid

one - take the kid out for a beer and say, "i'm not talking to you as a manager, people know about your steady and realize what is going on with new chica, stop talking about your steady, and don't be obvious about chica"

two - say nothing, if approached, you are not aware

**systemoverblow'd** · 06-13-2014, 10:36 AM

Originally Posted by Hugh Conway

Is he your subordinate or your friend?

I've never worked in a place that gossipy.

He's someone I work with, is technically underneath me but we have a good working relationship. We are 'partners' in a very small side of a pretty big company. We don't BBQ on weekends together or anything, but we are good "work friends."

You obviously never worked with a major group of women.

**iceman** · 06-13-2014, 10:37 AM

Just let him know people are talking about it, he may just be in lust and not aware. After that he sinks or swims on his own.

**systemoverblow'd** · 06-13-2014, 10:39 AM

Thanks for the real advice everyone. I would never go to HR unless it was something serious. This isn't really serious. Worst case is he pisses of chica at work or his gf and that is his own shit to deal with. But it could make his work life hell in the future and THAT is what I want to mitigate if I can in anyway. Because if shit goes down and he can't realistically do his job because of friction, then it becomes a problem with HR as he will be useless to me.

**4matic** · 06-13-2014, 10:42 AM

Originally Posted by PNWbrit

Ahhh . ANother graduate of the 4matic school of management

At least I know the law and don't talk out my ass like the smarmy brit. No one has been fired btw. I've got one on probation and another that will work 3rd shift, quit, or be fired. He's on "unpaid leave" for stress right now because he's a pussy quitter. I have 100% support from HR and every level of management.

Go back to your government job.

SOB works in marketing. He "manages" one person. Everyone is marketing is a fucking manager of something.

**systemoverblow'd** · 06-13-2014, 10:46 AM

But where's my advice 4matic?

**DBdude** · 06-13-2014, 10:47 AM

Originally Posted by 4matic

another that will work 3rd shift, quit, or be fired. He's on "unpaid leave" for stress right now because he's a pussy quitter. I have 100% support from HR and every level of management.

good news - was wondering what happened - what a cluster fuck