Brother has gone off the rails: how do I get him to seek help?

[doughboyshredder]

Wow! You're ignorance is impressive.

I think the guy is numbing his depression with booze, I don't think he is a raging alcoholic, in my unprofessional opinion if he finds a way to deal with depression (therapist option maybe) his drinking will reduce.
If he is physically addicted to alcohol then the 12 steps would be appropriate.

[Grape_Ape]

Wow! You're ignorance is impressive.

Your knowledge of ALL things is remarkable . Tell us how much you love the Dead. How many shows have you been to?

Or, are you a poseur?

[berko]

I know the op was asking how to help his brother, but I'm sure two retards barking at each other is just as useful.

[rather ripped]

Go to open meetings with him and make him sit in the backs where the drunks sit.

That's a joke about the drunks. Sit any where you want, they are all drunks.

One thing that works well is to pick, as in hand pick, some guys from the fellowship who you think he might listen to. Pick two with solid recovery that have a good sense of humor and get a few new guys too. Get a 12th step call together in the form of a meeting and make it fun. Going to AA can be a scary thing for someone who is already reluctant.

If he meets people he can relate to he won't be so judgmental and he can meet them for coffee and breakfast and talk about not drinking and things that seem unrelated to AA, yet are.

[Alaskan Rover]

But if they kick him out, I really suspect he'll pull a McCandless and be dead in a year.

It's my opinion, having happened upon the old Fairbanks abandoned public bus that Chris McCandless had been living in not far from the Susitna River, that he never had suicide in mind. I agree with many that he simply didn't observe the first rule of foraging....KNOW the plants and berries you are harvesting.

I agree that your parents may be enabling him somewhat. I also agree with you that the option of letting one "hitting rock bottom" is not always present...you know your brother better than those that merely prescrbe that plan.

The human psyche is FAR too complex to analyze on the net. Your brother may indeed need professional help...however, he would have to succomb to a state where he is either a danger to himself or others before he could be involuntarily committed to treatment program.

He has a leg up in that he has a brother and sister that care deeply for him. If it were me, I would go with your sister and have a four person talk with your parents about a plan of action for your brother. Let them both know that for his good, you all need to think of a plan.

Often, parents become enablers in such situations when, while they realize that housing their offspring in such a case is doing him no good, they really don't want to face the echoes of an empy house for a second time...and so they let themselves become blind to it. I've seen this happen before as parents get older.

I'm not sure if he is your younger or older brother, but perhaps step one would be for you and him to have a deep and honest talk. Sometimes the hardest thing is the best thing.

--

[Jer]

[doughboyshredder]

Your knowledge of ALL things is remarkable . Tell us how much you love the Dead. How many shows have you been to?

Or, are you a poseur?

The Dead?

Where the fuck do you get that from, Jackass.

Let me guess, you're such a fucking sheep that you think any skull is a Dead Head?






Oh, and I can smell your butt hurt all the way over here, Cunt.

[Alaskan Rover]

I know the op was asking how to help his brother, but I'm sure two retards barking at each other is just as useful.

QFT

98765432...

--

[powder11]

Ozzy+Randy Rhodes=$

[iceman]

Ozzy in his "Fat Elvis" period.

[snowsprite]

I think with addicts it's good to give them a chance, ONE chance, to get it together. Bringing resources to the table, talking w/ him, giving him ideas and more importantly guiding/helping him to make the changes needed is in order.

HOWEVER...

If he does not take the help (and I hate to say it but a lot of times they won't or don't) you MUST cut him off and let him slide.

Most people are really scared of this because they are afraid the person will die and sometimes they do. I don't mean to sound heartless when I say that but it is the truth. Addiction sucks. But remember this: if things somehow lead to a situation where an addict dies/kills his or herself, etc. it is NOT the fault of family and significant others. A lot of times, if the family had continued enabling or letting things ride the person would die anyway. You can only do so much. The person has to want life and help or else...it is what it is.

This is a tough pill to swallow but it is the truth.

Sprite

[snowsprite]

Update: He's agreed to see a "shrink" today for an evaluation/consultation. While he's not happy about it, he did agree to go, so that's a good first step. Parents (and me and sis) are looking into Al-Anon meetings.

I had a great talk with sis last night, and got the lowdown on his behavior during her visit last week. He gets up at 2pm every day, starts drinking, and is his usual witty funny self until around 7, when a switch gets flipped and he turns into a combative, provoking asshole. Up until 4am; repeat cycle. He's in deep.

This is really good he has agree to get the help and the family is also getting help. Remember don't beat yourself up, you didn't do this. He's lucky he has a family who cares. Wishing you all the best, man.

Sprite

[Jer]

The Dead?

Where the fuck do you get that from, Jackass.

Let me guess, you're such a fucking sheep that you think any skull is a Dead Head?






Oh, and I can smell your butt hurt all the way over here, Cunt.

Funny thing is - as much as I can't stand the Greatful Dead, I'd listen to them any day over Six Feet Under. The only thing good Chris Barnes ever did was get his ass kicked by Seth Putnam. Cannibal Corpse was almost nearly listenable after Corpsegrinder took over. Almost.

[Flyoverland Captive]

It's my opinion, having happened upon the old Fairbanks abandoned public bus that Chris McCandless had been living in not far from the Susitna River, that he never had suicide in mind...

Yeah, I meant that my bro would head off into parts unknown, completely unprepared, thinking that he's a pioneer on some sort of spiritual quest, when in reality he's an idiot. Poor decisions would do him in, moreso than suicidal tendencies.

[doughboyshredder]

Funny thing is - as much as I can't stand the Greatful Dead, I'd listen to them any day over Six Feet Under. The only thing good Chris Barnes ever did was get his ass kicked by Seth Putnam. Cannibal Corpse was almost nearly listenable after Corpsegrinder took over. Almost.

That's the thing about Barnes' voice. You either love it. Or hate it.

SFU is still one of my favorite bands of all time.

[AK47bp]

Terrible advice plus ignorance = Terrible ignorant advice. LOL

Forcing someone to go to a meeting will do NO good. AK47bp on the other hand is completely clueless about AA.

True. I am clueless about AA, but I did manage to puke on my tent this weekend and it sloshed down into my flip flops, creating a weird squishy morning piss situation.

[Meadow Skipper]

True. I am clueless about AA, but I did manage to puke on my tent this weekend and it sloshed down into my flip flops, creating a weird squishy morning piss situation.

Based on this^ vignette, I would take to heart whatever advice about problem drinking AK47bp offers.

[Flyoverland Captive]

Update. He's been ignoring everyone's texts and calls, just sinking. Parents are in fantasyland, and can't or won't change enabling behaviors. His girlfriend dumped him, so he got another, a druggie from Reno he met on Facebook. She's visiting him in MN now; after a week of bliss, she saw his other side, and during a massive fight last night, he got a call from his ex to tell him his best friend died of a heart attack at 43, brought on by his bottle of whiskey a day alcoholism. He's inconsolable, and is either going to get straight or die.

Take a lesson, peeps- it can happen to you. Maintain control, be moderate.

Fuck me this sucks.

[doughboyshredder]

Update. He's been ignoring everyone's texts and calls, just sinking. Parents are in fantasyland, and can't or won't change enabling behaviors. His girlfriend dumped him, so he got another, a druggie from Reno he met on Facebook. She's visiting him in MN now; after a week of bliss, she saw his other side, and during a massive fight last night, he got a call from his ex to tell him his best friend died of a heart attack at 43, brought on by his bottle of whiskey a day alcoholism. He's inconsolable, and is either going to get straight or die.

Take a lesson, peeps- it can happen to you. Maintain control, be moderate.

Fuck me this sucks.

My condolences. Step dad is about at his bottom right now. Could go either way. I feel your pain. Try not to be angry, at him, parents, etc... Keep him in your positive thoughts, and keep sending him love.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I847 using TGR Forums

[iceman]

Step dad is about at his bottom right now.

How do you know that? Bottom's a long ways down sometimes. Not slinging shit just saying.

[TomCrac]

Feel for you dude. It just sucks. ..... Here's to better days (hopefully very, very snowy days).

[doughboyshredder]

How do you know that? Bottom's a long ways down sometimes. Not slinging shit just saying.

He's at risk to lose the business he spent his life building and he is actually talking about going to treatment. If you can call it talking. If he doesn't do something he is going to die. 180mg of oxycodone a day along with 1-2 magnums of wine. Doctor should be in prison IMO.

I truly hope he hits his bottom before he dies.

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[Flyoverland Captive]

A holiday update:

He moved to Reno to be with the "love of his life". To finance the trip, he sold his car... to my mother. He's burning through that little bit of cash rapidly, and will soon find himself broke, car-less, jobless, and when his girlfriend inevitably kicks him out, homeless.

I found out about the car from my sister; he's still telling me he "left it at home". This is a new low. Previously, he had just ignored my questions or given evasive answers. Now he's flat-out lying to me.

I talked to my Dad on Xmas eve: his take: "I'm sad for him, but I didn't get to this age to waste my time wishing he'd change. I wish him the best. Meanwhile, in the time I have left, I'm gonna think about happy things."

[Flyoverland Captive]

^^^ :-) yeah, I guess he has it all figured out. Blaze of glory!!!

[Meadow Skipper]

I like your dad.