Worst Pizza Chain Ever?

[Garth Bimble]

Chain pizza is pretty much all suck, it's just a matter of how much suck you're willing to take.

In order to sell a large pizza for $5.99, $9.99 or whatever they have to use shitty, cheap ingredients. I think the box probably costs them more than the pizza, and in some cases might even taste better.

[zion zig zag]

Best pizza- Costco by the checkout. Swear they sprinkle a little crack on that shit.

I recently discovered that you can call ahead and get a whole pizza for 10 bucks.

[RootSkier]

Pizza Pipeline. Is this a chain? Absolutely foul.

Also...there is free Papa John's, Blackjack, Freemo's (chain?) and Pizza Hut offered at school many days each week...so I am well qualified here. Papa John's is not the worst.

[Big Snowballs]

Chain pizza is pretty much all suck, it's just a matter of how much suck you're willing to take.

In order to sell a large pizza for $5.99, $9.99 or whatever they have to use shitty, cheap ingredients. I think the box probably costs them more than the pizza, and in some cases might even taste better.

Agreed ! Paying less usually is a trade off for major gut-rot !

[Pegleg]

The other night I'm in a hurry and decide I'll stop and get one of those take and bake Papa Murphys pizzas for the kids. I've heard people talk about them and they say good things, so what the fuck? I get there and make my order and it takes for fucking ever to get it, it's more expensive than the local delivery place AND I still have to cook the fucking thing when I get home. To top it off, it tastes like shit, the crust tastes like preservatives and the toppings are chewy. So to recap, I could have sat home drinking beer, let someone else make me a better pizza in less time and bring it to me for less money. Fuck, I'm still pissed about it.

Same thing with Nick n' Willy's, another take-and-bake chain in the west. I have no idea why people buy this stuff - it's pricier than delivery pizza, the crust tastes like white bread, and you still have to cook it yourself. A big part of a great pizza is that it's cooked in a commercial pizza oven - either a wood or coal fired oven at a neopolitan-style place, or a giant steel gas-powered oven with a stone floor that retains heat like a motherfucker. Paying for pizza and then cooking it in your regular home oven defeats the purpose.

I've said it before, but if you're into pizza then you need to check out the Slice blog at Seriouseats.com. Tons of reviews, recipes and info about different styles of pizza. Their slideshow primer of regional pizza styles is pure gold.

[butterscotch]

No love/hate for Papa Gino's?

Say it with me:

"Four bucks? Hoopie-doo!"

[The AD]

I always had a soft spot for Domino's. As my wife once said "it's so bad...yet so good." You know it sucks, yet you wolf the shit down just the same.

[bornincolorado]

i had domino's last night, thin crust bbq chicken and Hawaiian style, not too bad.

they say pizza is like sex, even if it's bad, it's still pretty good.

[Obstruction]

No love/hate for Papa Gino's?

Say it with me:

"Four bucks? Hoopie-doo!"

Papa Gino's occupies the dead center of the mediocrity in pizza scale.

[grskier]

That slideshow is gold... I'd say that there are 5-6 categories that they can all go into...

[Chainsaw_Willie]

Interesting to see how tastes/perceptions vary.

Godfathers has all but disappeared from this area. I think there's still one left out in Auburn or something. They used to be everywhere and I delivered for them back in my college days and don't remember them being all that bad. I always thought they were better than Dominos or Pizza Hut. Maybe they've changed in the 20 years since I worked there...

Of the places that deliver to my house, I rate them as follows from best to worst based purely on taste:

Luciano's
Garlic Jim's (They have ribs which none of the other places do)
Papa John's
Dominos
Pizza Hut

Little Caesar's doesn't deliver and that's fine, their pies are worse than all of the above.

Of all of them, I think Papa John's has the best crust. They use a high gluten wheat and let it rise naturally over a couple of days then actually hand toss it. If only they'd put a quality sauce on it and use pepperonis that are thicker than rice-paper they'd have something. This is why I rate Garlic Jim's better - their sauce actually has a little bit of flavor to it and their pepperonis are like the size and thickness of quarters.

As for cost - it must be different in different places, but there is no way you're getting a large pizza delivered for less than what you can pick up a Papa Murphy's for and bake it yourself. That said, I don't really like Papa Murphy's so don't bother with them. By the time you tip the driver, a large pepperoni is going to cost at least $15 because around here the delivery places tack on a $2.50 delivery charge and we pay a 9.5% sales tax.

[Hugh Conway]

round table looks better than dominos but the intestinal cramping afterwards tells a different story

[DJSapp]

I think they're newer than most discussed here, but Red Brick Pizza is terrible. First, they fool you into thinking that you're getting something made with actual quality ingredients, and then they hand you a shitty, mushy pie from their 1000 degree oven with a $20 check. WTF?

And it's hard to bag on anyone charging less than $7 bucks for a pizza. Be honest, you knew what you were getting. Charging $20 and getting an equal pile of crap, now that is terrible.

[Shredhead]

I think the box probably costs them more than the pizza, and in some cases might even taste better.

I have a friend that owns a bunch of Domino's and that is true. The box does cost more that the pizza.

[mikemcee]

Chuck E Skeeze is nasty but Roundtable is even worse? Man, that shit is vile.

[tom111869]

Chuck E Cheese is like eating flavored plastic.

[Tippster]

I think they're newer than most discussed here, but Red Brick Pizza is terrible. First, they fool you into thinking that you're getting something made with actual quality ingredients, and then they hand you a shitty, mushy pie from their 1000 degree oven with a $20 check. WTF?

Sounds like you put too many veggies on your pizza, which makes it watery. Best place around here seasons and drains their onions and mushrooms, so pies get less waterlogged.

Chuck E Cheese? Who the fuck would eat there? I had to spend more than 5 minutes in one ONCE - keep in mind I have 2 kids. After that I always did the drop and shop route.

Anyone been to Dave & Buster's? It's Chuck E. Cheese for Highschoolers... kinda like a boardwalk arcade with craptacular food in a "restaurant" setting. Full bar tho, and vodka is vodka.

[Arno]

I've said it before, but if you're into pizza then you need to check out the Slice blog at Seriouseats.com. Tons of reviews, recipes and info about different styles of pizza. Their slideshow primer of regional pizza styles is pure gold.

I'm hungry now

[DJSapp]

Sounds like you put too many veggies on your pizza, which makes it watery. Best place around here seasons and drains their onions and mushrooms, so pies get less waterlogged.

Negative on the veggies. Red Brick fucks up straight pepperoni pizza. I just don't understand how they can have a very thin crust pizza come straight out of the over soggy as shit.

[Alaskan Rover]

See...here's the thing: The operative word seems to be CHAIN.

If you want the BEST pizza....NEVER go to a mere chain. That's like trying to find a good-fitting Italian jacket at Men's Warehouse.

You gotta stick with the small shops, places that are run by guys like Vinni and Luciano. Maybe their cousins run the only other good pie shop in town. Some the best pizza I've ever had was in a VERY small little shop in Brooklyn. The elevated ran right above it and would make a thundering racket each time it went by...weirdly adding to the appeal. They also made the BEST calzones I ever had!

Two of my favorite NON-chain pizza shops are on opposite sides of the continent.

1) Mountain High Pizza Pie, Talkeetna, Alaska. Damn nice crusts, damn nice pie, great setting. There is truly NOTHING better than going there after 14 days in the bush.

2)Sirianni's Pizza Cafe, Davis, West Virginia. They make the most terrifically lush and mouth-watering pizza you can imagine.

They have a cool, tie-dye t-shirt that has a pizza pie in the shape of a peace sign and says below it: "Make Pizza, not war."


As far as the chains, go...I actually l LIKE the "Deep Dish Pan Pizza" at Pizza Hut...that's about the only particular pizza I like there, although I haven't been in one in years. Plus it's one of the few pizza chains that's a sit-down restaurant.

Oh....WORST pizza chain: gotta be Godfather's and their high-school-style pizza....the onlly thing missing is the little old blue-haired ladies to serve it up. You want this guy running the show???

--

[Art Shirk]

See...here's the thing: The operative word seems to be CHAIN.

If you want the BEST pizza....NEVER go to a mere chain. That's like trying to find a good-fitting Italian jacket at Men's Warehouse.

You gotta stick with the small shops, places that are run by guys like Vinni and Luciano. Maybe their cousins run the only other good pie shop in town. Some the best pizza I've ever had was in a VERY small little shop in Brooklyn. The elevated ran right above it and would make a thundering racket each time it went by...weirdly adding to the appeal. They also made the BEST calzones I ever had!

Two of my favorite NON-chain pizza shops are on opposite sides of the continent.

1) Mountain High Pizza Pie, Talkeetna, Alaska. Damn nice crusts, damn nice pie, great setting. There is truly NOTHING better than going there after 14 days in the bush.

2)Sirianni's Pizza Cafe, Davis, West Virginia. They make the most terrifically lush and mouth-watering pizza you can imagine.

They have a cool, tie-dye t-shirt that has a pizza pie in the shape of a peace sign and says below it: "Make Pizza, not war."


As far as the chains, go...I actually l LIKE the "Deep Dish Pan Pizza" at Pizza Hut...that's about the only particular pizza I like there, although I haven't been in one in years. Plus it's one of the few pizza chains that's a sit-down restaurant.

Oh....WORST pizza chain: gotta be Godfather's and their high-school-style pizza....the onlly thing missing is the little old blue-haired ladies to serve it up. You want this guy running the show???

--

No shit. Less words.

I am saucy today. Yeah, pun.

[Tippster]

Negative on the veggies. Red Brick fucks up straight pepperoni pizza. I just don't understand how they can have a very thin crust pizza come straight out of the over soggy as shit.

Huh. Too much sauce, mebbe?

[grrrr]

The only thing that comes close to upchuck cheeses is shakey's.

[bagtagley]

At Chuck E Cheese, I can drink beer and BS w/ friends while my kid safely runs free enjoying herself. A bar doesn't provide the same enjoyment for the kid, and it pisses the wife off.

The pizza is inedible, though.

[snowmonster]

Shakey's. There's a reason the chain shrank.