How to Lure Sheep

[The Reverend Floater]

It's a gong show, T.

Oh...went down to the creek tonight. You weren't kidding.

[Vets]

..................................^
Ask Dr. Ross.

[SterlingSpikeDancer]

Take your velcro gloves out and make that velcro separating sound. When they know they are gonna get some lovin' they'll come a runnin'.

But seriously, go borrow a real sheep dog.

[wicked_sick]

This is an entertaining thread.

[MakersTeleMark]

Alright, I can't believe it hasn't been mentioned yet, but ...

Shoot at the fuckers. If they don't come mewing home, shoot them.

Hate to be the one to say it.

[splat]

It's always good to feed farm animals a little grain from a tin can, rattling it to make that little noise each time you feed them, just in case there comes a time when you actually need the bastards to hear it and run to you for their reward.

But, hey, if velcro works, viola.

[Chainsaw_Willie]

It's always good to feed farm animals a little grain from a tin can, rattling it to make that little noise each time you feed them, just in case there comes a time when you actually need the bastards to hear it and run to you for their reward.

But, hey, if velcro works, viola.

???

[freshie247]

It's patently obvious, put a TV tuned to Fox News in their pen & let gravity take over.

[Hutch]

[jgb@etree]

If you'd stop jumping on the damn things and humping them everytime they come home, maybe they wouldn't be so afraid of you? If someone jumped on my back and tried to shove their man meat in my poop chute every time I showed up at home, I'd be hesitant to come back too.... I think.

[Tippster]

Fram "Seth McFarlane's Cavalcade of Cartoon Comedy" - one of the funniest DVDs ever.

[splat]

???

Slang Dictionary

Walla! definition
[wɑ ˈlɑ]
and Wala!; Wallah!; Viola!

Voila!
And there you have it! (All versions are misspellings or misunderstandings of the French The Viola! is a well-meant spelling error.) : exclam. , And walla! There it is. Cooked just right!

[stuckathuntermtn]

Normally it's pretty inconvenient, but you need pants with a button fly. They can hear that zipper a mile away.

And sheep are looking for any excuse to fall over dead, don't shoot at them.

[stuckathuntermtn]

2:45

[MakersTeleMark]

Update?

098765

[The Reverend Floater]

So I'm at work today, about 20 miles from my house, and my phone rings. My GF is at home randomly and the little bastards are in their pen, probably hitting the salt lick because it was raining. So she connects the e-fence again, throws up a couple planks in an "X" so they can see it, and has to go back to work. All day I'm hoping and praying that the little fuckers stay in there. As I'm driving down my road, I'm anxious--I pull onto our driveway, round the corner, and there they are--right at the e-fence gate. I jump out of the truck and run around the stables to the gate and push them back into the pen.

I grabbed some heavy duty wire fencing and tacked it across that entrance. I'll be damned if the second I unplugged the e-fence, the black one doesn't come running like he's going to bowl through me like a young Walter Payton. The second that fence stopped ticking, his ears perked up and comes trotting. I raised my framing hammer in defiance and yelled, "do, it bitch! Do it and it's a gunshot and applesauce, you little bastard." He backed off and went back to the opposite corner with his buddies.

Wednesday is d-day. The two wethers will be butchered and the ewes are getting a visit on Thursday from a sexy ass ram who's going to give it them, sans courtesy lick.

This place is real.

[AdironRider]

That was by far the best description of farming Ive ever heard.

[Hutch]

"mint jelly" > "applesauce"

[The Reverend Floater]

"mint jelly" > "applesauce"

Meh. I hear you, and I like both, but I love me some homemade applesauce with a lamb chop. Favorite lamb, however, is gyro.

[iceman]

Wait, you beat off a sheep with a hammer? What?

[L7]

Wait, you beat off a sheep with a hammer? What?

It's called 'foreplay' in Idaho.

[splat]

They were just playing hard to get.

[Pinner]

I'm still hung up on that part where you claim that four sheep "stampeded." I think that word doesn't mean what I think you think it means.

And while Hutash's advice to call in a Border Collie (who could probably troubleshoot remotely) is good, iceman's got the right idea. Just remember when he says use a maul, ignore him and stick with a handgun.

[Johnny Deep]

Lessons at 10am and 1pm daily. Downtown SLC.

Adminsion is free.

[AlpiNord]

I knew this thread would be entertaining. Reminded by the velcro crack, I was looking for the "Honest officer, I was just helping her over the fence" cartoon and "Wyoming, where men are men, and sheep are nervous", I found these gold mines:

101 Sheep Jokes

Welsh Jokes