Some difficulties with moving to Hawaii
I've been reading a lot lately. Digging past the tourist baloney on the internet, finding stuff written in pidgen. My real goal was learning about gathering, growing, fishing, and hunting on the islands because I have a dedication to natural and wild food that's even more important to me than surfing or golf. The islands are still abundant and there's even a lot of more recent invasives that I can take and benefit the more fragile evolved life there. I'm going to get me some wild pig. 
So I'm going to be the latest invador. Trying to be an intelligent one that integrates myself seamlessly. Try to fit in. I have no goals of laying down more concrete or ripping off the island for my personal profit. Just want to live in peace and take what I need. And give more than I take.
The whole racism thing has got me down right now. Trying to figure out if it will really be a buzzkill. I guess not if I don't let it. Hate between people bothers me, whether it's directed towards me or not. And there seems to be a lot of general discontent there, amongst non haoles. Maybe a culture of discontent? Maybe I'm getting a skewed perspective, a lot of squeaky wheels. I dunno.
I grew up as a minority in south Texas. There were Mexican girls at school that were bullies and I admit that I brawled until I had a coach that I admired that shamed me to stop. I don't even know if that was about race or just about misbehaving. I also had a lot of Mexican friends and one boyfriend for a couple of years that was very raza. I enjoyed my friends a lot there and wonder if it could be the same in Hawaii. But maybe they'll just give me stink eye and ask me why I don't go home. How am I supposed to answer that? My true born home is in Germany, no freaking way I would leave the US. I love the US like any immigrant.
And I'm not gonna be hanging out at the Ritz-Carlton. I'll be exploring every nook and cranny, just like I do everywhere I go. I'm sure I'll get into the "wrong neighborhood" sooner rather than later. What's gonna happen when I bring my thrownet out to the beach? Am I gonna get a beat down?
I feel like I've come a long way in my life in learning how to live in the moment and find contentment and happiness without greed and ambition as motivators. I want to go to Hawaii because of that. For the "island lifestyle" that I experienced for one short week on Kauai. Was that just a facade? Is Kauai different from the other islands?
Another strange factor is that I have no superstition. I'm an atheist. I'm a humanist. I look to science for true understanding. Maybe all you guys take what I'm saying for granted, but it's a big contradiction to the Hawaiian culture. Of course I appreciate culture and how it enhances our lives, but I don't believe in letting it hold us back intellectually. I do appreciate the concept of ancestor worship and I can appreciate insight that is gained from stories and beliefs. But I don't believe. Period. I have to figure out how to show respect and still be true to who I am. Staying off sacred land, not fishing for rays or sharks, using the Hawaiian language, those things are easy at least after I learn them all, but I'm worried about subtleties.
I guess I feel a little overwhelmed right now. This is not going to be a stroll in the park. It's not Disneyland. I have set a lot of challenges before myself and I never guessed that the human factor would be the greatest one of all. C'est la vie.
Thanks for reading my ramblings here. As a chick, I need to talk. Helps me to think. And I'd be grateful for any comments or experiences or whatever you got to offer.
Aloha and Mahalo
Live each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each.
Henry David Thoreau
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