What kind of cool shit happened to you when you were young?

[The Reverend Floater]

My Most Vivid Memory--Sorry If You've Already Heard It

The Reverend and the Rabbit

I used to have a horrible fear of public crappers, especially the ones at school. My elementary was K-8, so at any given time in second grade, I could be alone in the bathroom with any number of 7th or 8th graders ready to pummel me. Because of this, I used to squeeze for dear life until I got to the safety of our shining porcelian repreive at home.

Well, one morning in second grade I knew I was in trouble. Pressure was building and the levee wasn't going to hold. I had gorged myself on tater tots and a sloppy joe the night before and the piper was making his rounds, poking me in the gut, prodding my bowels with what felt like a 30 pound barbell. The teacher was yapping about this and that as the sweat began to bead on my forehead. I looked down at my parachute pants, half expecting to see them bulging from the presure. I unbuttoned my camo shirt hoping to provide some relief, but no. It was go-time and there was nothing I could do except either make my way to the perils of the crapper or let 'er ride. I decided to brave the crapper and was just about to raise my hand for a hall pass when 4 denim-clad 7th graders passed by the hallway, talking loudly, inevitably plotting my demise, or so I believed. I was going to have to wait this one out.

About two minutes later I decided that I'd have to relieve some pressure and hopefully it would be just a little gassy gas. I looked around, wondering how I could possibly rememedy the situation and let it fly unnoticed. I looked at my close friend sitting next to me, a Japanese kid named Tsuomo Yassuda who claimed to carry throwing stars at all times. We were sitting at the end of the row, with Tsuomo at the very end. Then I saw it...the class pet rabit cage! I quietly nudged Tsomo and whispered an instruction to switch places with me, which he did curiously. I could smell the rabit cage. The sheer brilliance of my move nearly made me laugh in triumph. Delivery time.

I lifted one buttcheek of my shiny parachute pants while the teacher continued on about something or other. Wheeeeeeeeee... I let a squeeker out and immediately my gut felt just a little better. I glanced at Tsomo who had his pencil precariously deep in his nose. Perfect. Nobody noticed.

Then...horror.

I felt it. I hadn't only farted. I had sharted just a little bit....a tiny little nugget had come out and was currently on the inside of my left leg. I could faintly smell it as my cheeks flushed and I tried desperately not to panic or cry. Again, I looked at the rabit cage. The rabit stared back at me as if to say, "don't even think about it, shit pants." Too bad for you, little rabit! I shifted my left leg so that the heel of my Roo was nearly touching the cage. The rabit backed up just a bit in his cage, afraid. I shook my leg. Tsomo looked at me, wondering why I was convulsing in my left leg. "Leg's asleep, ninja." I said casually. I continued to shake, shimming the shit nugget down my pants until it fell out...a little brown turd about the size of a quarter. I looked around. No one had noticed, so I kicked it next to the rabbit cage, much to the digust and apparent dismay of our class pet. Glancing at my handy work, I realized that the shit nugget looked like a massive rabit turd, and really didn't stand out too badly. I could smell it, but nothing I couldn't pawn off on my furry scapegoat.

The 10:30 recess bell rang loudly a moment later and without so much as a word, I ran to the bathroom for complete, unadulterated release and a little "touch up" work on the inside of my parachute pants. And in the end, I got away scot free!

[Castro's]

I got a puppy when I was in second grade, (that was cool)but then he died when I was in college (that wasn't cool).

[Keoni]

I remember being about 6 or 7 and I let out a big turd while farting in the bathtub. My mom freaked

[fondigley]

In Junior high, I moved to Charleston, West Virginia from Baltimore(city), Maryland and didn't fit in to well. It can be quite a culture shock sometimes, especially dealing with the "reds" in WV. Then I met some friends and was introduced to this special plant. I swear it is the best medicine for curing just about any ailment. Too bad it is illegal to grow or consume. But I have made the best friends since. And unlike the hype, propadanda, or whatever you want to call it, all my friends seem to consume this wonderful plant, and they are all kicking ass in life.

This isn't really cool shit that happened, but one time I was on a ski trip in 10th grade and I hade some seriously potent shit. A buddy and I had been partying all night and we were just sitting on the back of the bus, when the shaperone swears up and down that we were smoking in the back of the bus. Not true, but man that was some potent smelling shit that got me in trouble, but damn it was good. I would like to shake that growers hand for producing such a nice strand. So that was cool.

In 11th grade, I tore my left ear off while mountain biking with out a helmet. Apparently the quick release wasn't tight enough and coming down a fire road, ended up losing the front wheel and supermanning through the air. It was crazy but made my love for the sport go through the roof. I am now a serious addict to that sport. So that was kinda cool too.

I am sure there is a lot of other cool shit, but can't think of anything too cool from the younger days.

[Big E]

Rev, I'll never look at a rabbit cage the same way again.

When I was maybe 8 or 9 we used to have WWF-style wrestling matches with all the kids in the neighborhood over at my neighbor's house. One guy would actually cut out cardboard and wrap it w/ aluminum foil for belts. It got a little out of hand during "Basement Mania", but it eventually disbanded because everyone wanted to have a belt. When someone won the Texas Panhandle belt that was the beginning of the end.

We also had a brief stint with boxing. My best friend was two years older than me and of course a lot of his friends were his age as well. His cousin was also like 2 years older and quite a bit bigger, but pretty much a bully. So, imagine my surprise when one of the first matches was me against the big cousin. Now, we also had a slight problem in that we only had one pair of boxing gloves, so we had to share them - each of us got a hand. He was left-handed and I was right-handed, so both of us had the glove on the desired hand. So, we start the match - no protective gear or anything of course, just a rule that you could only use the gloved hand - and we're going along neither of us getting too many real shots in. Then, somehow, and I really have no idea how, I land a beautiful right hand full force (for a 9 year old) square into his stomach. He goes down like a sack of potatoes, rolling around in agony on the basement carpet. Never had another match. Didn't have too many problems with him anymore, either.

I was on the 9-10 basketball travel team and we beat a team 76-4. I'm not kidding.

First day of school one year, 5th grade I think, I had my hand raised to answer a question, one of those where you really want the teacher to call on you (this passed, fortunately), and I had a pencil in the raised and was kinda nervously twiddling it back and forth in my hand. The teacher called on me I think, and the pen went flying out of my hand and went about an inch over her head, smacking the chalkboard behind her. Good start to the year.

[other1]

- I broke my first bone when I was 4. I was rolling backwards on a tricycle and my little bird legs couldn't stop me. Over the concrete stairs I went cracking my wrist on the adjacent bricks ( I swear I'm much better on a tricycle now)

- I climbed my first 14er with my family when I was 10 (it was Pikes Peak but it was enough to get me hooked)

- I kissed Mandy Kolp behind my elementary school after a 6th grade roller skating party.....hmmm truth or dare.

- When my friends and I were 14 we lied about our age to get into a wknd ski trip to Killington. When the bus left Ohio we were the only guys under the age of 50 on the bus. It was worth it though, I think it was the first time I got drunk and the first time I hucked my self off a cliff (well, a 10 footer looked big)

[AntiSoCalSkier]

Let's see what I can dredge up from the back of my brain:

- In 4th or 5th grade, my family went to Legoland (the original one in Denmark). They had this room with giant sanboxes full of Legos, and a daily building contest. So I put together some sort of animal (maybe a spider) and entered it in the contest. When we came back the next day, I had won!

- Spelling bees: My poor spelling was a running joke in my family. I would regularly bring home elementary school report cards that had straight As except in spelling. In the tenth grade, we had a high school spelling bee. The entrants were supposed to be selected from spelling bees in each english class. However, my english teacher didn't want to waste an entire period on a spelling bee, so instead he gave us a spelling test with about 10 really obscure words. Since I read a lot, I actually recognized a few of the words, and managed to spell more of them correctly than anyone else in the class. A week or so later, on stage, I screwed up one of the first words (for some reason I can't remember the word, but I'm sure it will come back to me later today).

- I had lived in Houston my whole life until the third grade when my family moved to Norway. That was pretty cool and life-changing (especially since I learned to ski there).

[vinzclortho]

When I was like 4, I realized that you can draw on stucco walls with a carrot.

When I was like 7, I peed my stretch pants on the single at MRG. (made for a cold run down as I remember)

When I was like 14, a friend and I mixed Old Grand dad, Johnny Walker red, Absolut and Tang and got wrecked. I took off on my friend and ran across a salt marsh in Essex, MA totally nude. This was at like 4:30 during a summer afternoon so plenty of families were out on their porches watching me.

When I was like 15, I took my mom's Volvo out for a rip and blew the clutch out about 5 miles from home.

When I was like 19, I got arrested for being a minor in posession of alchohol.

There are more stories...but I just realized I was supposed to say somethig positive....so umm.....I was in Talented and Gifted until I discovered pot at like 13.

[bicyclekick]

I played in the Little League World Series (baseball).

[72Twenty]

I remember being about 6 or 7 and I let out a big turd while farting in the bathtub. My mom freaked

Is THAT where you get the "gotta take my shirt off to poop" thing?


*****

I went to the Southern California State Science Fair (Divisional Finals or something) with my project on wing shapes in modified balsawood gliders in San Diego. Some kid took my gliders and threw them out the door in Balboa Park.

[kush1]

In 2nd grade I found $100 at an amusement park and spent it all trying to win big ass stuffed animals and a basketball

[Out_to_lunch]

When I was about 6 or 7 or somewhere around there, I was over at my friends house, and we were playing down in the basement (he had a lot of cool stuff down there) any way we oppened up a cabinet to find some bottles with some sort of brownish liquid in it (like I said we were 6 or 7 and had no clue what it really was) and we decided that we would have some just to taste it. We wound up drinking a bit more that we had first intended too. The strange thing was neither of us got sick or anything (well maybe a little tipsy) and no one ever found out (actually this is the first time i've ever told anybody) I still dont know exactly what i was drinking.

In kindergarden we used to have these "back to the future" cars (I'm 17 so that wasnt that long ago) They were really cool. When you rolled them on the ground sparks came out of the back (porbably not the best thing to have in a kindergarden class but oh well) I was playing with one of those, and randomley stood up and puked in the middle of the class room over the blue carpet. We had a substitute that day, and she felt really bad for me.

[Knockneed Man]

When I was 13 I pumped our babysitter...

[Cornholio]

When I was 13 I pumped our babysitter...

With what? A Supersoaker?

And, I hearby nominate the Reverend for a TGRlitzer Prize in Comedic Writing, for his essay entitled "The Reverend and the Rabbit."

[Viva]

When I was 13 I pumped our babysitter...

Y'alls had an inflatable babysiter, eh?

[Duker]

That Crazy christmas singing fag kurt bestor fell on me an airport bus once.
I won a punt pass and kick football deal when i was 6. Never touched a football again.
I broke the hundred pound mark in the ninth grade.

[dubu]

when I was in first or second grade I went to this soft serve ice cream place, when about 3 4th graders started to fuck with me. They decided that it would be funny to hit the bottom of my ice cream so I would hit my face. Little did they know that form age 3 to about 10 i knew no fear and had a bad temper problem.. after the ice crem hit my face and I realized what had happened. I truned to the kid, shoved the ice cream cone in his face (got his good) and kicked him in the balls (I was a fairly tall kid), and ran like hell. Somehow I got away.

[Mcwop]

Blow Job - Sixth grade

Edit - got one, didn't give one, and a female gave it.

[Beaver]

I was slash burning at Red Mountain, I lit a pile on fire that was piled poorly and caused a small forest fire. It made for some great tree skiing. Eventually they removed the burned trees and widened the run.

[Grange]

Blow Job - Sixth grade

Edit - got one, didn't give one, and a female gave it.

For a second I thought you went to a Catholic grade school.

[Spats]

As anyone who has played youth hockey in the sticks knows, you have to drive a long way for games, and usually stay overnight. Well, we had our yearly game against some boarding school that always kicked our butts, and a bunch of us got into a big pillow fight in the dorm, and the pillows were old and busted open.

They were real feather pillows.

It was like a snowstorm, but indoors. The entire bunk room was inches deep in feathers by the time we were done.

I got suspended for one game, but it was worth it.

[Superstar Punani]

From the 1st grade until the 6th grade I was chauffeur-driven to and from school in a black pimped-out Mercedes Benz S-class with Diplomatic plates and an armed chaueffeur/bodyguard.

This resulted in immunity to wedgies and bullying, teachers were very lenient, and I got out of detention by having said chauffeur/bodyguard show up to get me.

[meatdrink9]

When I was about 10 or 11 my best friend/neighbor and I used to go on hikes all the time. We lived right against the mountains of Brigham City and it was easy to take off and be gone for extended periods of time. One time instead of going hiking we decided to go walking, and headed towards the vast metropolis that is Brigham City. Our first stop was a 7-11. While there we ate some 5-cent candies and played some arcade games. Then we went out behind the 7-11. The 7-11 had a large cinderblock wall (maybe 10 feet high that made the area behind the 7-11 somewhat private. It was there that we found the needles and a confused Mexican janitor. We took turns stabbing each other with the needles (to see who was tougher) while the Mexican janitor mumbled something to a trash bag. My friend said he was starting to get dizzy. It was about then the Mexican janitor stood up and hoisted himself into the dumpster. I started to feel a little dizzy too. Then we both started laughing. We looked into the dumpster and the Mexican janitor was simultaneously masturbating and vomiting. There was a half-open bag of dead kittens in the dumpster as well. We were already walking away when we heard the gun shot. We climbed up the back of the cinder block wall and walked along the top of the wall until it met the side of the 7-11. We climbed up onto the roof and saw the man run from the store. I don't think either of us have ever told anyone we were there that day until probably now. I'd spent so long keeping it in that it's like it never happened at all and I made it up on the spot right here, because I didn't feel like working and I was bored. (Which I did.)

[Mcwop]

For a second I thought you went to a Catholic grade school.

That would be true if the Nun gave it, but it was Public school.

[Keoni]

Blow Job - Sixth grade

Edit - got one, didn't give one, and a female gave it.

Spit or swallow?