Joke Thread...

[rideit]

There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it."
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked.
He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?"
Of course the Madam said no.
He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want."
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right.
He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?"
He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"

[Flyoverland Captive]

Lorena Bobbitt was in a car accident today; some dick cut her off.

[Beaver]

Do you know the definition of an Australian kiss?...


Its like a french kiss but down under.

[bmg97]

Italian Virginity Test Kit




Mario is planning to marry and asks his family

doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.



His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know

use 3 things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test

Kit. A small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."



Mario asks, "And what do I do with these things, doc?"



The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on

your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the



other ball blue. If she says, "that's the strangest pair of balls



I've ever seen, you hit her with the shovel.'

[JimmyCarter]

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident off the coast of
Maine, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced State Troopers.

"We know it's late, sir, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the Troopers.

"Tell me! Did you find her!?" the husband shouted.

The Troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some
good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the ashen husband said "Give me the bad news first."

The second Trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed the husband.

Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The Trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 25 good sized crabs and 12 two pound lobsters clinging to her."

Stunned, the husband demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news???"

The Trooper answered, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

[digitaldeath]

how do you make a dead baby float?












root beer and two scoops of ice cream

[PaSucks]

What's brown and rhythms with snoop?




















Dr. Dre.

[dumpy]

PA Sucks FTW

The frog joke? Seriously? Lame.

[dumpy]

While we are telling Snoop jokes..

What does Snoop Dogg wash his white clothes in?















Blee-atch!
(works better when said, not written)

[carvedog]

While we are telling Snoop jokes..

What does Snoop Dogg wash his white clothes in?

Blee-atch!
(works better when said, not written)

YOu don't like the frog joke and then lay this on us.

Dumpy, dumpy, dumpy........

[dumpy]

YOu don't like the frog joke and then lay this on us.

Dumpy, dumpy, dumpy........

Yeah I know, I should have some better jokes to back up trashing the frog joke.

Rectum? Damn near ate mop too!

[MFJ&S]

Sven and Ole are fishing on a bridge. Ole keeps nagging that she has to pee and wants to leave. Sven finally tells her he's not leaving, and tells her to hang it over the other side and be done with it.
When she comes back she tells Sven, " I think I peed on someone."

"why would you think that?" He Asks

She replies........



" I looked down when i was goin' and saw a canoe fulla' moose meat go under me."

[BmillsSkier]

What's the worst possible thing you could hear when blowing Willie Nelson?






















"I'm not Willie Nelson".

[farmer]

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.

Priest: Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?

George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!

(silence)

Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't they just play at night?

[farmer]

Last one before going back to my e-circuits homework.

Two college professors are sitting at the bar on the weekend, and see a guy break out his iPhone to calculate for much the group owes. The first prof says, "People these days don't know as much math as they used to"

The second prof disagrees with him, and excuses himself to go visit the mens room. On his way back, he sees one of his students sitting at the bar. He approaches the student, and says, "Can you do me a favor. I'll pay you $20 if Answer the next question that we ask you, 'one half x squared"

"sure"

The professor goes back to his colleague, and proclaims, "I'll bet you $50 that we could ask some random person in here what the integral of x dx, and they will be able to tell us the answer"

"You're on" replies the first professor.

The second proffesor gets the attention of the student at the bar, and asks him, "Tell me, what is the integral of x dx?"

The student replies "one half x squared... plus C"


If you don't understand that one, I envy you.

[digitaldeath]

This man goes into a bar with a frog in his pocket.
the bartender says what does that thing do; it blows me whenever i snap my fingers the man says- watch he says and snaps his fingers
sure enough the frog blows the shit out of him
whoa says the bartender, i will give you a thousand bucks for that big mouthed frog
a deal is struck and the bartender enjoys having the frog blow him when he snaps his fingers.
the bartender closes up the bar and heads home where his sweet wife has dinner waiting.
eeewwww whats that frog for she says, and so the man snaps his fingers and the frog blows the shit out of him. WTF the wife says, what do you want me to do with that?
" teach him to cook and clean and then get the fuck out"

[JONG SLAUGHTER]

WHATS THE SMARTEST THING TO COME OUT OF YOUR SISTERS MOUTH?


















MY HUGE BLACK HOG.

[acostiga]

What's the only meat priests eat during Lent?

Nun.

[Crampedon]

SO if all the girl with big Knockers work at hooters....

Where to all the girls with one leg work?















iHop!

[PaSucks]

rhythms? Wouldn't the joke make more sense written rhymes?

Yeah, you'd think spellcheck would be smart enough to know that!

[PaSucks]

If a tree falls and crushes a woman, does it....


wait wait wait, whats a tree doing in the kitchen?

[Helldawg]

So a rabbi, a nigger, and a midget walk into a bar...

Bartender says, this must be a fucking joke.


Rabbi and a Priest walking down the block together, spy a 10 year old boy walking toward them...

"Man I'd like to fuck that kid..."says the priest.

"Out of what?"

[davefromwv]

So I heard Ellen DeGeneres drowned the other day.....the lady on the news says she was found face down in Rikki Lake.

[karpiel]

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

[Caucasian Asian]

What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve?

Christopher Walken!