Is tele skiing really more aesthetic?

[Some Douche]

I used to think so. Now I'm not sure. Gaper thread for sure but what the hell, its September right?

[mntlion]

http://www.telemarktalk.com/phpBB/vi....php?p=122258&

Why Telemarking Is Stupid

By Kristen Ulmer

Courtesy of Sports Guide Magazine and Kristen Ulmer

Three years ago I decided telemark skiing was the dumbest sport I’d ever seen. Yeah I know, it’s an institution and has a unique history and there are rippers everywhere, but I’ve spent a lot of time rah-rahing snow sports, and I think I deserve a little venting. Besides, I changed my mind in the end anyway. So let me go with this.

I grew annoyed with telemarking because I was greatly compromised in the backcountry on two consecutive occasions in one week by telemarkers who, although fast and furious in the resort, were flailing like octopuses in less-than-perfect backcountry snow.

This normally would have been no big deal. I can wait patiently for my buddies like any polite schoolgirl. But both times, at the end of the day, the sun bake demanded we get the hell out of there, immediately. And these guys were face-planting on concave slopes, stuffing tips while ski cutting, and slowing the group down enough that we began to fear for our lives. The second time, after making it safely to the street near Alta, a snow safety officer drove by and looked at us with appall, then wagged his finger. Behind us were slow moving mush piles flowing down like lava. Not only was the experience scary, but it was also embarrassing.

So the next time I saw Sports Guide editor Ben Tiffany, who’s also a telemarker, I claimed I’d never go in the backcountry with a free heeler again. Then I jumped so high on my soap box that I damn near got a nose bleed. I likened telemark skiing to purposefully cutting off a few fingers before rocking climbing, or bowling with your shoelaces tied together. Or best yet, strapping on just a lap belt and driving your car at 50 into a brick wall. Skiing is such a difficult sport anyway. Why take it one step further and lose half your balance by releasing your heel? Purposefully choosing to make it harder seemed idiotic. And as I spewed and spracked, Ben grew amused by my red face. “You need to write about this for a cover story” he gushed, thinking under his breath ‘Yeah, let’s get about 10,000 locals mad at her, that’ll be great for the popularity of my magazine.’

No friggin’ way, man. There were too many vegetarian, hippie-freaks out there with severe protein deficiencies. I didn’t want to piss them off, who knows what they’re capable of? I’d have dope-smokers showing up at my house holding flowers, droning “free your heel, free your mind” slogans. Or some dread header would drop acid in my orange juice when I wasn’t looking. A young purple-haired jibber might even shave my cat or something.

So I shut up, got over myself, then went to Baker in Washington State, where the snow was deep and not at all like Utah powder. Instead of sounding like “shhhhhhhhh” as we glided easily through it, it was more like “phbbbbttttttt.” Sifting through three feet of mashed potatoes made without milk or butter will make anyone herk and jerk. But we had a determined rat pack 8 strong—the best guys on the mountain. And it was not much of a problem. Especially because it was untracked.

There was the token snowboarder, of course, who could bob along on top of the muck without incident. There was also, of course, the token telemarker. And you guessed it! Every run, EVERY goddamn run, we had to wait for the free heeler to dig himself out of some tree well or hole he’d driven his shoulder into. And the guy was said to be one of the best telewackers on the mountain.

“Well, he IS good for a telemarker” a guy offered while we stood at the bottom. “You gotta give him some credit for at least trying,” said another. And I thought ‘Bull Pucky!’ Freeing your heel is just an excuse for a bad skier to remain bad. And there we stood, waiting patiently while the snow became tracked, and applauded him as if he were handicapped but trying anyway. If he had been an alpine skier, we would have said “Bye Bye” on the very first run.

It’s a choice. He didn’t have to be on telemark skis. He chose his weapon. But the poor guy lived in Baker for crying out loud. Land of pudding; sometimes 1200 inches of it per year. Why not just attach your heel and get some stiff boots and make life a little easier? Maybe he could finally keep up with his buddiesy. Then, on a powder day, no slack would have to be cut, no sympathy given. That’s a much more manly approach than having his ass sticking in the air out of some hole.

Meanwhile, Ben was at home—licking his chops. And when I got back to Utah he was there, still begging me to put pen to paper. “Come on, picture the cover blurbs: Why Telemarking is Stupid by Kristen Ulmer.

NO WAY. I told him, no way! I have too many friends who are excellent telemarkers. And Alta gives me a pass every year. Why would I encourage 20 telemark friends to call and demand that we ski together so they can prove how good they are? I already knew they were amazing. Duh! Even the bowler with his shoelaces tied together will find a way to eventually bowl a 200. And I knew how much the gorp eaters loved their sport. They’d throw peanuts and dried fruit at me if I wrote that article. How humiliating.

But I did begin telling anyone who would listen how telemarking was lame. And they all said the same thing: “Yeah, but have you seen so-and-so, he rips.” To which I responded, “I don’t care how good he is, he’s not better than Jeremy Nobis on his alpines.” Or I’d hear: “The face shots are better” to which I replied “speed burns and adrenaline are probably superior. Plus, skiing 55 degrees on ice is also pretty neat-o, especially if you don’t have to worry about your cable breaking.” I was on a roll.

Then came the inevitable: “But what about backcountry skiing, the gear is so much lighter for the hike up.” But that one was really easy: “Buy a pair of Black Diamond Denali boots and some Fritsche bindings” I responded, “They’re just as light as plastic telemark boots and almost as light as leathers. Plus they work great. As for skis, in order to survive extreme terrain, most guys use regular alpine boards anyway.”

Okay, maybe they were saving a little weight, a pound or so, (hell just leave your bag of shrooms at home if it matters), but if their gear was so light on the way up, chances are that same gear was not efficient on the way down. “Well,” I said, “is your goal to have a great hike up, but a slower ski down? Or to have a slower hike up but a ripping ski down? Basically, what are you? Are you a skier, or are you a hiker?” Personally, I’d rather use randonee gear and be a skier. Anyone can hike.

Ben, of course, was clutching at my ankles by this point. “Think of the controversy! Think of the number of people who would read the story and write hate letters! Think of the subsequent ad sales by pissing off so very many people.” He said readers would glue themselves to his rag like O.J. watchers or Mariah Carey sympathizers. “Millions, we’re talking millions of dollars,” he said.

Nope, I just couldn’t do it.

Mostly I couldn’t do it because if I did, I would be no better than a Nazi. I also would be no better than racists, fascists, or dot-commers. If I wrote that article, I would be negative, bitchy, pathetic, bitter, judgmental, and ignorant, WHICH IS A TERRIBLE WAY TO BE. No one has the right to impose his or her opinions on others. If folks want to cut off fingers and try rock climbing, or if they want to worship a salamander, or if they want to be tied to a chair and forced to lick a woman’s black stiletto heel, who am I to judge?

So I told Ben, no. No, no, no! Go find your sucker elsewhere.

But there is another reason that I couldn’t write the article. Last Friday at Alta, after watching a girl zip through the moguls under Germania more gracefully than flowing water, I realized that I’d seen more good telemarkers that day than I’d seen good alpine skiers.

Was I changing my mind?

Then I remembered Alta legend John Clatworthy, who is not only a great friend that massaged my knee for hours at a time after I had surgery 10 years ago, but he makes many serious alpiners look just plain silly.

Was John the exception to the time-tested rule?

But after I went skiing at Snowbird with famous telemarker Josh Johnson, my mind turned the corner. I witnessed many notable feats that day. But nothing sticks out more than watching Josh ski a line three laps in a row that I avoided like a big hairy spider; a line where falling meant clacking across ice and rocks at 50 mph. The “handicapped” telemarker nailed it—each and every time. His skiing was some of the most exciting that I’d witnessed all year. And driving home, I had to admit that I was thoroughly impressed. My mind had turned the corner. Werner had dropped the big one.

So I’m not going to write Ben’s article. And he can piss off. Telemarkers aren’t stupid. It’s the article that’s stupid. And writing it would only make me look like an idiot; a complete and utter idiot.

(You can find more ranting from America's most famous female extreme skier at Kristen Ulmer.com

[iceman]

I love to see a good tele guy drop a knee and make a big beautiful turn but I fail to see how it's any more aesthetic than an alpine guy ripping the same line.

[gramboh]

I love to see a good tele guy drop a knee and make a big beautiful turn but I fail to see how it's any more aesthetic than an alpine guy ripping the same line.

Agreed. I think alpine looks more aesthetic personally (in film/photos/person). No disrespect for either.

[Trackhead]

Interesting, I'm pretty sure this has never been discussed before.

[Some Douche]

the beat goes round and round

[tylerjames]

The Dark Side of Tele Skiing

[prince fahquawd]

Anyone who can flow linked turns like water on a gnarly line is aesthetically pleasing, be it one stick or two, flatfoot or tiptoe

[TBS]

It FEELS a lot more aesthetic when you are in the groove, but when you exceed your limits - not so much.

There's no law (that I know of anyway) that sez you have to drop your knee every turn. Parallel skiing with freeheel gear definitely teaches you how to stay centered on your skis.

Edit - The Dark Side link from Tyler is a must see for anybody who tele's.

[JoeStrummer]

The Dark Side of Tele Skiing

I got a good laugh out of the Don Rumsfeld line and the angry pole toss!

[beaterdit]

I used to think so. Now I'm not sure. Gaper thread for sure but what the hell, its September right?

Oh god...
No one's ever posed this question here before.
EVER.

I love to see a good tele guy drop a knee and make a big beautiful turn but I fail to see how it's any more aesthetic than an alpine guy ripping the same line.

Whoa d00d, is there something you're not telling us?
(NTTAWWT)

Agreed. I think alpine looks more aesthetic personally (in film/photos/person). No disrespect for either.

That's because most tele'ers suck at it and are just doing it because it's cool, and soulful, and graceful, and...

BARF.

Discalaimer: There are some damn ripping tele skiers out there but since everyine hoppped on teh bandwagon, they're few and far between.

[JoeStrummer]

Discalaimer: There are some damn ripping tele skiers out there but since everyine hoppped on teh bandwagon, they're few and far between.

I know the topic is tired but I'm just couching it and hoping the Trojans can win by more than 10 and a half points so here are my thoughts. When I started telemarking 15 years ago in Montana, there were guys who could flat rip all terrain and all conditions. I would run myself into the ground trying to keep up with them, these guys would break trail for 10 miles into Yellowstone, ski bowls of deep powder, then skin out and be back to work a kitchen shift.

I eventually got good but never got anywhere near as good as my mentors. In those days it seemed like everyone EXCEPT me could fucking rip the mountain apart. I guess that was the allure to me, if I could unlock that kind of power I could ski anything. I could do anything!

These days 95% of telemark skiers suck ass. I miss those fringe days when I made $15k a year working the broiler. Telemarking seemd so much better then!

[bean]

I gave up tele last season. I like to think I was pretty decent (I probably wasn't) and despite the "aesthetic appeal," the stupidity of it all became too much. Flopping around in the backcountry goes beyond annoying to just plain dangerous.

[beaterdit]

I know the topic is tired but I'm just couching it and hoping the Trojans can win by more than 10 and a half points so here are my thoughts. When I started telemarking 15 years ago in Montana, there were guys who could flat rip all terrain and all conditions. I would run myself into the ground trying to keep up with them, these guys would break trail for 10 miles into Yellowstone, ski bowls of deep powder, then skin out and be back to work a kitchen shift.

I eventually got good but never got anywhere near as good as my mentors. In those days it seemed like everyone EXCEPT me could fucking rip the mountain apart. I guess that was the allure to me, if I could unlock that kind of power I could ski anything. I could do anything!

These days 95% of telemark skiers suck ass. I miss those fringe days when I made $15k a year working the broiler. Telemarking seemd so much better then!

Amen brotha...

[Eleventy]

This thread is pointless. Nothing can surpass the elegance and beauty of snowlerblading.

[DropCliffsNotBombs]

Telemark skiing is a convenient excuse for making your friends wait for you! "yeah, it took me a while to ski that line but dude.... I was on TELES!!!

[prince fahquawd]

that must be a bowler, his shoes are tied together

[Laxsnowskisquatch]

The Dark Side of Tele Skiing

This video alone is the reason I have just decided to switch back to Alpine stance. Tramdock, please put up a nice pair of skis for me and bindings too.

[geomorph]

This is really long . . .

http://www.telemarktalk.com/phpBB/vi....php?p=122258&

Why Telemarking Is Stupid

By Kristen Ulmer

Courtesy of Sports Guide Magazine and Kristen Ulmer

But that Dark Side of Tele Skiing is really funny. There's some heinous skiing, both AT and Tele in that video. Full disclosure, I alpine when lift served, tele in the BC. Full disclosure continued, I just got back from the bar

[skibumnh]

I started last season because I found myself not interested in skiing on the east coast unless it was a powder day. Those are sometimes infrequent (very much so in 06/07) and by associative property, I found myself not interested in skiing on the east coast. This was challenging because I live on the east coast.

I think the notion of tele skiing being more soulful or graceful is an arrogance that's perpetuated by tele skiers who have shit alpine form. That video sums it up. You might feel graceful from time to time, but that feeling is fleeting for most of us, and usually followed up by a karmic face plant. That being said, I had a lot of fun last season, the boots are more comfortable and skiing was a lot more satisfying and challenging than it had been in the past few seasons.

[maddog]

no........

[bcrider]

Personally I think both alpine and tele turns are pretty fugly in their own rights.

The exceptions are those alpine smear turns (sorta cool) and a really stylie tele turn (almost like a snowboard turn).

The reason I don't care for the look of the alpine turns are that they are initiated from the hip which is soooo disco and more often than not it literally looks like the skier is sitting on a toilet (aka toilet turns). The thing about tele is that it just looks so unstable most of the time and unstable isn't aesthetic. The issue with both is that you have to rely on poles for balance (ugly again) and the stance is forward facing (like hockey and rollerblading) instead of sideways (like surfing and skating). It just doesn't look as natural in my opinion as standing sideways and leaning into the turn and slope.

To me, snowboarding is by far the most aesthetic snow sliding sport but as long as you're having fun I guess that's all that matters!

This is just my , don't hate me if you don't agree.

[prince fahquawd]

you don't really believe that good skiers rely on poles for balance do you, thats an ignorant statement.
ever carry a chainsaw riding a board, how about skis, heel locked or not???? how about a camera, you take a way the poles the skier aint gonna fall over

[prince fahquawd]

I ride with poles all the time but don't NEED them, it's a convenience.
Ask anyone who's seen me ride schwietzer or alpental, even a snowboarder with poles can be aesthetic.
as for the toilet, there's usually a row of toilet sitters blocking the run at the top of lift

[tylerjames]

The issue with both is that you have to rely on poles for balance (ugly again) and the stance is forward facing (like hockey and rollerblading) instead of sideways (like surfing and skating).

do you honestly believe that a skiers balance comes solely from their poles?