The Aspen Mountain Mogul Makers reveal the ultimate secret every gaper wants to know - where the moguls are kept in the summer!
Gapers-we all love to hate on them. It could be a family of five from Boston on a weekend visit to Stowe, or a brash Texan making their way to Snowmass. Regardless, gapers as a species continue to contribute to the overall folklore of snowsports culture. Like moonlighting anthropologists, we study their ways and customs. An annual day is held in their honor every April, with locals disrobing from their usual cool-guy garb for the traditional neon and denim of the gaper tribe. We swap stories and tales in local watering holes of our most recent sightings. It was not until Al Gore “invented” the Internet (our interns are still researching the claim) that we had an efficient way to record these stories. Fortunately, the good members of the TGR forums have kept a consistent record over the years. So without further fanfare, here are some of the top gaper quotes from the TGR forums.
20. “...... so I ski up to the patroller, he takes one look at me and lets me go first.”
19. “These seats aren't heated”. (On a 25° day... in Michigan, where there are no heated chairs... And the rides are about 3 minutes.)“Do you rent Extreme Skis?”
18. What altitude do the deer turn into elk?
17. “Good thing I was wearing my one-piece” (After a complete yard-sale)
16. How do they frost all the trees?”
15. Gaper is looking at the chairs but not moving into position to get onto the lift. She asks the lifty, “Is there a better chair coming?
14. “Is that snow still cold?“
13. “My ass hurts so much from all the falling, I bet I couldn't take a shit if I wanted to.”
12. “Powder is nice, but I like manmade snow better-it’s softer and faster.”
11.“Do you sell any of them short skis for the trick ditch?” (Referring to snow-blades and the terrain park)
10. “I'm gonna pizza Corbets!”
9. “Them there moguls were made for kids’ skis, not the big long ones we're on'” - 6'2“ guy from Omaha on 153 rentals
8. In December, 9 inches of fresh snow on the trails and still snowing, the man with a one-piece fartbag says to his wife in the lift line “I am not real impressed with the grooming here.”
7. “Where do you put your moguls in the summertime?”
6. “Why don't they groom the glades?”
5. Gaper: “You guys get powder snow here?”
Local: “Nope. It snows spring corn. You gotta wear a helmet if it’s snowing. It hurts like hell when it hits you in the head.”
4.“Now, I'm not sure, but I think that's Jupiter.” (During a conference of astronomers and aerospace types, pointing at the tram light on top of the mountain around 7 pm.)
3.“So are snowcats dangerous? Do they bite and live in the woods?“
2. “Hey guys, I havn't been up there yet; you think it's warm enough to just wear jeans?
1. “I don't know what I'd do if I got buried in an avalanche. I don't even have my iPhone!'
So there you have it. Some of the best gaper quotes from our forums. Be sure to go on and add some of your personal favorites from over the years. We would love to hear ‘em.
Chances are you’re not ready to dish out just shy of a million dollars, but every ski bum can dream. Imagine owning your own ski resort—the hill of your dreams—where you always have dibs on fresh pow and get to decide exactly what beers are on tap. For the small price of $950,000, you can now buy the Maple Valley Ski Resort, a 374-acre resort on Sugar Mountain in Southern Vermont. Of course that’s far from pocket change, but by ski resort standards, it’s a pretty sweet deal. The resort is
It’s difficult to find a skier whose life has been affected more by the Little Cottonwood Canyon than Johnny Collinson, except maybe his older sister Angel. The twenty-four year old professional skier grew up in the employee housing section of Snowbird. His father was the assistant Director of Snow Safety/Mountain Operations and had Johnny and Angel ripping around the canyon at a young age. He built a bunk bed into a five by seven closet in their small apartment that became Johnny and
Last week, Tania and Martina Halik completed a 1429 mile ski traverse through British Columbia's Coast Range. The mother-daughter duo took six months to do the route, which goes from Squamish, BC, to Skagway, Alaska, and includes the largest temperate-latitude icecaps in the world, massive river valleys, and even bigger mountains. And according to their website, the traverse has only been completed one other time. The mother, Tania Halik (60), was born in the Czech Republic in 1956. She