Sign In:

×

Last Step!

Please enter your public display name and a secure password.

Plan to post in the forums? Change your default forum handle here!

×
×

​The 20 Best Gaper Quotes From The TGR Forums

The Aspen Mountain Mogul Makers reveal the ultimate secret every gaper wants to know - where the moguls are kept in the summer!

Gapers-we all love to hate on them. It could be a family of five from Boston on a weekend visit to Stowe, or a brash Texan making their way to Snowmass. Regardless, gapers as a species continue to contribute to the overall folklore of snowsports culture. Like moonlighting anthropologists, we study their ways and customs. An annual day is held in their honor every April, with locals disrobing from their usual cool-guy garb for the traditional neon and denim of the gaper tribe. We swap stories and tales in local watering holes of our most recent sightings. It was not until Al Gore “invented” the Internet (our interns are still researching the claim) that we had an efficient way to record these stories. Fortunately, the good members of the TGR forums have kept a consistent record over the years. So without further fanfare, here are some of the top gaper quotes from the TGR forums.

20. “...... so I ski up to the patroller, he takes one look at me and lets me go first.”

19. “These seats aren't heated”. (On a 25° day... in Michigan, where there are no heated chairs... And the rides are about 3 minutes.)“Do you rent Extreme Skis?”

18. What altitude do the deer turn into elk?

17. “Good thing I was wearing my one-piece” (After a complete yard-sale)

16. How do they frost all the trees?”

15. Gaper is looking at the chairs but not moving into position to get onto the lift. She asks the lifty, “Is there a better chair coming?

14. “Is that snow still cold?“

13. “My ass hurts so much from all the falling, I bet I couldn't take a shit if I wanted to.”

12. “Powder is nice, but I like manmade snow better-it’s softer and faster.”

11.“Do you sell any of them short skis for the trick ditch?” (Referring to snow-blades and the terrain park)

10. “I'm gonna pizza Corbets!”

9. “Them there moguls were made for kids’ skis, not the big long ones we're on'” - 6'2“ guy from Omaha on 153 rentals

8. In December, 9 inches of fresh snow on the trails and still snowing, the man with a one-piece fartbag says to his wife in the lift line “I am not real impressed with the grooming here.”

7. “Where do you put your moguls in the summertime?”

6. “Why don't they groom the glades?”

5. Gaper: “You guys get powder snow here?”

Local: “Nope. It snows spring corn. You gotta wear a helmet if it’s snowing. It hurts like hell when it hits you in the head.”

4.“Now, I'm not sure, but I think that's Jupiter.” (During a conference of astronomers and aerospace types, pointing at the tram light on top of the mountain around 7 pm.)

3.“So are snowcats dangerous? Do they bite and live in the woods?“

2. “Hey guys, I havn't been up there yet; you think it's warm enough to just wear jeans?

1. “I don't know what I'd do if I got buried in an avalanche. I don't even have my iPhone!'

So there you have it. Some of the best gaper quotes from our  forums. Be sure to go on and add some of your personal favorites from over the years. We would love to hear ‘em. 

I just moved here from back east, now I’m a local.

Play
READ THE STORY
​New Mt Hood FKT Set By A Former Navy SEAL in his Underwear
Up Next Ski

​New Mt Hood FKT Set By A Former Navy SEAL in his Underwear

​New Mt Hood FKT Set By A Former Navy SEAL in his Underwear

Chasing Fastest Known Times is a pretty weird part of our mountain sports world. Many would argue that the style required for setting FKTs in the mountains takes away the fun and turns the sport into nothing more than chasing a number, but you can’t deny that many of these feats are really f***ing impressive. Take, for example, Jack Kuenzle’s recent FKT of Oregon’s Mount Hood. On April 24, Kuenzle, a former Yale club hockey player and Navy SEAL, smashed both the summit time and the roundtrip

Play
READ THE STORY
​Christina Lustenberger and Brette Harrington Score First Descent on Baffin Island
Up Next Ski

​Christina Lustenberger and Brette Harrington Score First Descent on Baffin Island

​Christina Lustenberger and Brette Harrington Score First Descent on Baffin Island

This season has been a big one for Christina Lustenberger in the first ski descent department. After a stellar winter and early spring hunting big lines in British Columbia, she set her sights on an expedition to Baffin Island, where she joined Brette Harrington, Hilaree Nelson, Emily Harrington, Drew Smith, Jordan Manoukian and Mathis Dumas. Camping on a frozen fjord, the crew ticked of a series of ambitious ski objectives, including a repeat of the classic Polar Star Couloir and a first

Play
READ THE STORY
​VIDEO: Tof Henry Freerides The Aiguille du Midi North Face
Up Next Ski

​VIDEO: Tof Henry Freerides The Aiguille du Midi North Face

​VIDEO: Tof Henry Freerides The Aiguille du Midi North Face

Up until a few weeks ago, Chamonix, France had been having what locals were calling the worst winter in 20 years. Luckily, April and May delivered a series of healthy spring storms that brought a few meters of that sticky icky to plaster the area’s icy north faces. With lines finally filling in enough to plausibly ski them, locals like Tof Henry got to get their freeride wiggles out. It’s hard to explain truly how gnarly a descent like skiing the North Face of the Aiguille du Midi is –