tags:
Teton Pass, Teton County, WY, United States |
the bumion |tgr satire |snowboarding |skinning |skin track |skiing |sam morse |bootpacking |backcountry
Intoxicated by powder stoke, Ellis laughs off the angry mob. Sam Morse photo/creative commons mashup.
MTN. PASS, USA — Saying she didn’t mean to piss off the locals and incite a torch-wielding mob, 27-year-old snowboarder Wendy Ellis defended her actions Friday after bootpacking up a well-defined backcountry skin track to get fresh turns.
According to local skiers, Ellis “totally fucked up the track,” and caused numerous powder hounds to look like gapers as they slid backwards due to their skin’s lack of purchase on the defiled surface.
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One skier reportedly ripped off his gear and threw a tantrum due to not looking as core as he wanted in his bro’s GoPro footie.
After ruining the track, Ellis dropped a pow run back to the parking area where she found numerous crotchety men waiting at her car to give her a condescending tongue lashing and extol the universal — but unwritten — rules of backcountry etiquette.
However, the snowboarder was allegedly too stoked to give a shit about the skiers’ hurt feelings and immediately headed back up the well-trodden bootpack for another lap.
“Sorry, not sorry — bitches!” Ellis allegedly yelled back at the embittered skiers as they stewed in their own anger. "Stop skinning in my bootpack."
The enraged skiers sobbed, held each other's poles — and burned skis to appease the snow gods.
After Ellis’ departure up the now-decimated skin track, the outraged skiers immediately took to the TGR Forums, MountainBuzz and several other online troll-venues to attack the bootpacking snowboarder and incite the wrath of their skiing brethren.
Soon, a torch-wielding mob of enraged skiers demanding justice and retribution was atop the pass calling for the board and bindings of the skin-track usurper. However, Ellis never reemerged, and numerous reports indicate she sought refuge at a nearby tavern to lay low and get hammered until the angry mob fucked off.
Unable to draw blood and unsatisfied by the bootpacker’s remorseless non-apology, the enraged skiers sobbed, held each other's poles — and burned skis to appease the snow gods, and collectively pledged to rebuild.
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About The Author
stash member Sam Morse
TGR Editor-at-Large. author of The Ski Town Fairytale and creative behind The Bumion. Lover of steep-and-deep lines, long trails—and hot springs waiting in the distance.