A local bear, after splurging on far too many fermented berries for the Fourth, was having a rough Fifth of July. Hungry and hungover, the bear spotted a nice-smelling Subaru parked in a driveway, and moseyed over to investigate. Finding the door unlocked, the bear decided to take a peek. He felt guilty, but after all, love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru, and he didn’t think the owners would mind too much. The bear took a seat in the front of the station wagon, and admired the plush fabric seats and leftover food.
The seat was not set at the bear’s height, however, and when he turned around to adjust the seat setting, his big butt pushed the shifter and put the car into neutral (this was not beneficial to his self esteem, especially after eating so much the day prior). The Subaru began rolling down the street and the unwitting thief (who had never even acquired a learners permit) could only watch in dismay as he rolled more than one hundred feet down a hill before the car hit a tree and opened a door. The bear felt horribly for the car’s owners, but he was terrified, and fled the scene of the crime when the door opened. One more test drive gone awry.
Grand Canyon National Park — Biologists were shocked, and a little disturbed, Thursday after a rafting party in the Grand Canyon reported the first-ever confirmed sighting of the elusive, often-rumored, Flaming Land Shark. Up until Thursday's discovery, numerous rafting parties had reported sightings of the rare species, but none had captured photographic evidence documenting the elusive, drunken animal in its native habitat. RELATED: The Invasive River Rat — Ski Town Caricatures National
Mammoth Mountain Terrain Park. Photo: Mammoth Mountain It’s the height of summer: beaches, bonfires and sunbathing abound. But you’re a ski bum, and you don’t like any of those things; you want to be on the mountain. So here we are, serving your addiction to getting pulled down hills of frozen water by gravity - you weirdo. We’re enablers, we know, but we don’t really care, so here are the two ski resorts in the U.S. you can still get your fix. Mammoth
Black bear at Omni Mount Washington Resort. Photo: Omni Mount Washington Resort You probably think that you’re pretty classy. You bought your tux for your prom ten years ago, planning to return it, but after Sally Johnson had too much of the punch at pre-prom and spilled an entire plate of lasagna on you, the shop refused to take it back. Now, it hangs in your closet, baptized by an aging red stain that somehow still smells of that fateful night. But you’ll be damned if you let it go to