Local Bear Takes Subaru Outback For Test Drive

A local bear, after splurging on far too many fermented berries for the Fourth, was having a rough Fifth of July. Hungry and hungover, the bear spotted a nice-smelling Subaru parked in a driveway, and moseyed over to investigate. Finding the door unlocked, the bear decided to take a peek. He felt guilty, but after all, love is what makes a Subaru a Subaru, and he didn’t think the owners would mind too much. The bear took a seat in the front of the station wagon, and admired the plush fabric seats and leftover food.

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The seat was not set at the bear’s height, however, and when he turned around to adjust the seat setting, his big butt pushed the shifter and put the car into neutral (this was not beneficial to his self esteem, especially after eating so much the day prior). The Subaru began rolling down the street and the unwitting thief (who had never even acquired a learners permit) could only watch in dismay as he rolled more than one hundred feet down a hill before the car hit a tree and opened a door. The bear felt horribly for the car’s owners, but he was terrified, and fled the scene of the crime when the door opened. One more test drive gone awry. 

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stash member Henri Marius