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​Ski Expressions That Need to Die… Now

Skiers have a lot of expressions, I mean, that “S*&^ Skiers Say” video went viral in a matter of minutes and as of this month it has over two million views. The success of that video not only brings light to just how many expressions we have, but also a reminds us how dumb we sound when we say them. Lots of these expressions sound stupid but actually serve a purpose, like “Is the red light beeping?” or “Powder day!” On the other hand, a lot of them don’t. And those are becoming more and more frequent, and more and more annoying. Believe it or not, this idea of over using expressions is a linguistic phenomenon.

"No friends on a powder day."

This expression is not only overused, it is also mean. Your friends are not good enough for you when it snows? I skied with my east-coast based family on a powder day this Christmas season. Can I let you in on a little secret? It was one of the best days because I got to watch the people I care about have a great time doing what I love. Beyond the fact that it is mean, what if your buddy is upside in a tree well? Now you really don’t have friends… on all the days. Who’s laughing now?

Alternatives: I like to ski alone, it gives me time to think about how selfish I am.

"Footy for the boys"

Jerry of the Day coined it. Y’all ruined it.

Alternatives: none.

“Are you going out?”

I am as guilty of saying this one as the next person. But, we are grown up people (for the most part) and we have been saying this non-sentence, sentence long enough. Though technically it is a sentence, it is a very vague one. What do you really mean? Out …. on a date? Of town? For drinks? No, out of bounds. Ohhh, of course, how could I NOT have known that, with you being so clear and everything. We have words for a reason, let’s use them.

Alternatives (or in this case, the best response): “I just wear my pack to look cool.”

Anything about wax

WHO WAXES THEIR SKIS FOR REAL, OTHER THAN SKI RACERS??? Once, I passed a guy on the cat track and he asked me what kind of a wax I used. Dude, I’m just faster than you, deal with it. Either that or you have no game.

"Dawn Patrol"

Let us break this one down together, shall we? According to my dear friend Merriam, the word 'dawn' in the way we use it here, means “the first appearance of light in the morning followed by sunrise.” So it's that little wink of time when it’s getting light, but we can’t see the sun yet. This is a window of what… an hour?

Onto the second part: patrol. Again, consulting Merriam. This is either the action, person, or persons performing “the action of traversing a district or beat or of going the rounds along a chain of guards for observation or the maintenance of security” or the act of performing this. It can also be “a subdivision of a Boy Scout troop or Girl Scout troop.”

For reals, how many people actually dawn patrol at dawn? The bigger kicker, how many of you dawn patrol to traverse and observe guards? Or maintain security? Ski patrol. That’s it. They are the only ones that can use this expression.

Alternatives: morning ski, pre-work turns, pretty much anything that doesn’t involve the word patrol.

Any forecasting talk.

We all know how important it is to sound smart. But when everyone sounds smart? Does that make you sound average? And annoying? The answer is yes.

“It’s gonna be way upside down tomorrow.”

“It’s still totally high pressure, man.”

“Like, two feet of snow is coming in from the northwest. Get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow is a pow day.”

“It’s so warm up high.”

Ya, it’s called an inversion… and let me guess, you were an economics major.

Alternatives: NOAA

"Semi-Professional skiers" 

This is not an expression that needs to die as much as a mentality that needs to die. We get it, you moved to Jackson because you are a good skier. Well, I got news for you, we are all good. And we all get free gear. The only difference between a normal person and a “semi”-pro is that the latter hashtags the people that give them the free gear. Unless you are getting paid real money, you are not pro. Putting a semi in front of it is not doing you any favors, it is just calling out your millennial addiction to social media. And if you knew the actual monetary value of funds allocated to people in this lofty position of ‘professional skier’, trust me, your dreams would die instantly. Now, I’ll race you to Sublette, it is way more fun than arranging stickers on your helmet and updating your Instagram story.

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Yes!! So good. A few others:

“It it on??” If you’re really worried, just take off your fucking helmet already and look at the stupid thing.

Anything about complimenting someone for having good vibes or being able to live in the moment better than others. They better damn well be, THEY’RE SKIING FUCKING POWDER!! Find me a civil rights lawyer this week who’s maintaining good vibes - they’re actually accomplishing something.

“First chair, last call.” No one truly says this, but if you’re older than 22 you shouldn’t feel bad about passing out at 8 after skiing all day and having two beers at apres on an empty stomach. You’ve done enough.

Sorry. But this is awful. I so badly wanted this to be funny, but the proverbial crickets chirping. Loudly.

To add, in addition to being not funny, what you say is actually semi-ignorant (yes, I used semi, mostly to be nice).

Dawn Patrol. For one, it is a good answer to “how early do you want to go” when, perhaps, you are taking photos. Second thing, have you seen the pass lot at “true” dawn lately? Its nearly full. So yes, “dawn patrol” does occur by normal joe skiers.

Talking about the forecast. This is actually a very important and useful part of skiing. In fact, its an essential part of backcountry skiing.

Semi-pro skiers. Earlyups beat you to the whole “sorry you aren’t a pro” thing many years ago. So good job stealing something from someone else.

Skiers talk about the weather more than meteorologists do, and I’m totally okay with that.  Knowing the weather can help you study the snowpack.  Fuck this blogger.

This is why I back country ski… no skier talk, and no pretentious powder queen drabble.

On a positive note the Canadian Rockies are getting nuked this weekend..  by snow, not our neighbour to the south….

how about bullshit, self-aggrandizing, instagram photos of people stopping in pow?  #sodeep #whiteroom

I agree with most commenters below.  Ignorance is apparently bliss.  The author is a newbie moron.  Real skiers wax.  Yes.  We really do.  Been doing it since I was old enough to use an iron and a file.  40 something years.

No friends on a powder day…these days are usually rare…so friends should have their proverbial $hit together and not delay getting to the lift and moving at the top.  Not being set to go is rude to others in the group if you’re with a group.  A ski area gets tracked out too fast these days so a short delay keeps one from skiing untracked. 

There are too many on the new clown shoe skis, allowing those with poor skiing skills to get out and skid around, tracking up more than they should.  Then they flounder on their floppy skis or quit and get wasted once the crud takes over.  Or they whine because the snow is sticky when too wet or too cold…because they didn’t wax for the conditions.

Talking about the forecast is important.  Sometimes life and death important if you’re back country skiing.  And if skiing at an area its great stoke, allows one to make logical decisions which area to ski, or where at an area to head first for best conditions.  Just because you do not understand the terminology or science does not make it uncool for others to discuss. 

And no Tory, you are not a semi-pro skier.  You might get paid a little because you spew crap on the internet while sitting behind a keyboard.  You do not get paid to actually ski.

So tired of whiny know nothings pretending they actually think they know anything.

Agree with others,

You should seriously wax your poor skis.

I live by no friends on powder day, I am sorry, I have even pondered getting it incorporated into a tattoo. We have had 3-4 feet of snow in the past 4 days, I ran into several friends skiing yesterday and lost them all within one run. This is because there are just certain lines/cliffs/chutes that I have been eyeing up that finally had the right conditions. My friends all had their own plans of what they wanted to hit, so we went our seperate ways and found each other afterwards for beers at the bar. They were all great friends at the end of the day, and the day was epic for all of us.