Guy on the Couch makes himself at home while indulging in leftover Chinese, beer, and NorCal stank. Pixabay Commons photo.
MOUNTAIN TOWN, USA — A group of ski town roommates were surprised and weirded out Friday when they discovered a strange, hairy man poaching their couch, smoking their herb and eating their food without permission.
The roommates discovered the stranger after returning home from a raft trip on the Colorado River, and according to one of the rent-paying tenants, the Guy on the Couch was “pretty chill, but smelled like BO mixed with dog shit.”
When asked who the fuck he was and why he was taking domestic liberties with their weed, beer and food, 24-year-old Guy on the Couch explained simply that “Jerry said it was cool.”
However, as of press time, none of the confused and semi-frightened roommates could confirm any relation to the mysterious and potentially made-up “Jerry.”
“Who the fuck is Jerry?” pissed-off roommate Danny Ware, 23, demanded of TGR during an interview. “I’m sure Guy on the Couch is really nice, but he won’t stop hitting on my girlfriend, and it’s making us very uncomfortable."
In their absence he’d clogged the toilet and defiled their hot tub/master bedroom with another uninvited, nocturnal guest.
After recovering from the shock of finding a stranger in their home, the roommates decided to give Guy on the Couch a shot, only to discover that in their absence he’d clogged the toilet and defiled their hot tub/master bedroom with another uninvited, nocturnal guest.
“I met her at the bar down the street,” Guy on the Couch told TGR. “But I couldn’t tell her the truth that I’m homeless, unemployed and haven’t done laundry or taken a shower in four weeks, so I did what any dirtbag would do, and told her I owned the house and just rent out the extra rooms for cash, because, ya know, people need housing.”
From The Column: The Bumion
SINGAPORE — After tense, multilateral negotiations, U.S. President Donald Trump and North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un reached an historic agreement Monday to go halfsies on an Epic Pass for the 2018/19 ski season. The landmark agreement followed days of complex negotiations where both sides dug in their heels over a wide range of issues. Reports indicate the main point of contention revolved around whether to go with the full Epic Pass or to just go with one of the cheaper, local offerings.
— D.L. Three years into my quest to find a copy of Dolores LaChapelle’s , I was finally on the cusp of unearthing the elusive tome. My search had led me to Powell’s Books, in Portland, Oregon, and as I closed in on my quarry, I felt the weight of a multi-year journey begin to lift. Out of print since 1993, was — and is — hard to find, and over the years the volume has gained legendary status as one of the best philosophical/academic examinations of powder skiing ever written. Today,
We're solidly into the summer months. What little skiing is left is (mostly) subpar, but that's okay! You have the next few months to dedicate to other pastimes like getting a tan, shaving regularly wearing less than three layers of clothing and regularly feeling your extremities. So in honor of the snowpack going the way of the dinosaur, here's a practical guide–from one bum to another–on how to kill all that free time you'll have now that your every waking moment isn't dedicated to gliding