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Just minutes before his arrest, the vagrant river rat fills up on calories and booze at an elite ski town hobnob. Morgan Beavers photo.
SKI TOWN, USA — The well-heeled and socially adept were guffawed Thursday when a “poorly dressed” and “smelly” stranger allegedly crashed their ski town chamber mixer. The event — dubbed Sotheby’s Sundowners — was temporarily interrupted when 27-year-old raft guide Jigger Johnson snuck into the gathering and proceeded to hover over the Stella Artois keg and slam beers while periodically making trips to the buffet spread, where he reportedly stuffed several types of delicacies into baggy-laced pockets.
After approximately 37 minutes of continuous drinking and food-hoarding, law enforcement was called in to remove the belligerent river rat.
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The organizer of the event, local art collector and real estate magnate Sidwell Phillips, 63, indicated that it was immediately clear that “[Johnson] was not one of us.”
“In all my years organizing elite hobnobbing events, this was by far the most disgusting display of irreverence and disrespect I’ve ever seen,” Phillips told TGR during a Skype interview. “I was alerted to the interloper when several of my guests complained about a ‘shabby looking fellow’ that smelled like body odor, neoprene and Dr. Bronner’s stuffing crab cakes and caviar into his pockets. The ruffian caused quite the kerfuffle.”
Phillips’ wife, Regina, who had been in the middle of negotiating a high-level art deal, confronted the disheveled stranger, and after a few minutes of banter was reportedly convinced into doing a keg stand.
A whole circle of art dealers, business owners and real estate developers were circled around us yelling: ‘CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!!’ It was quite a hoot!
“Nobody knew who he was,” Sotheby's art dealer Regina Phillips said, “so I told him he needed to leave, but, he was actually quite charming. He suggested something called a 'keg stand,' and before I knew it, a whole circle of investment bankers, business owners and real estate developers were circled around us yelling: ‘CHUG, CHUG, CHUG!!’ It was quite a hoot!”
Despite the revelry, police officers were called to arrest the hungry and thirsty Johnson and remove him from the function. Witnesses indicated that the trespasser was indeed detained, but official court records indicate that the drunken raft guide managed to bribe himself out of the jail time with dirty jokes and pocket-crushed finger food.
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About The Author
stash member Sam Morse
TGR Editor-at-Large. author of The Ski Town Fairytale and creative behind The Bumion. Lover of steep-and-deep lines, long trails—and hot springs waiting in the distance.