Resort Bans Skiing — Moguls Vanish Overnight

Epic Mountain Resort posted "no skiing" signs all over their base Friday. Most were promptly stolen or vandalized. Creative Commons photo.

MTN. TOWN, USA — Saying conditions were never this good when skiing was still allowed, snowboarders rejoiced this week after locals-favorite Epic Mountain Resort formally banned skiing. 

Although the ban has only been in effect since Wednesday, riders have been astonished at the rapidly improving conditions on-and-off trail. Epic Mountain Snowboard Patroller Luke Wallace says he's never seen the mountain look this good.

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"The moguls were gone within 48 hours," Wallace told TGR. "I'm dumbfounded. For patrol, this is a big deal — we're expecting way fewer injuries now that half of our traffic aren't carving huge death mounds in the middle of every run."   

Local rider and self-described shredder Jones Fourpow, 24, said he was "stoked" about the skiing ban. "It's been so sick. So deeep — just the bros — PBR — blahhhhh..."  

Here at Epic, we've given this whole 'skiing thing' a fair shot.

Epic Mountain had been considering a skiing ban for the last several seasons due to trail congestion and the reoccurring mogul problem that had both locals and resort officials exasperated. 

In a bluntly worded marketing statement, Epic Mountain PR specialist Elissa Taylor explained the resort's controversial ski ban.

"Here at Epic, we've given this whole 'skiing thing' a fair shot," the statement reads. "But unfortunately, it's just not working out. Families have repeatedly complained, and as such, we've been forced to tell our skiing clientele to head elsewhere — like Alta, Mad River Glen or Deer Valley."

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stash member Sam Morse

TGR Editor-at-Large. author of The Ski Town Fairytale and creative behind The Bumion. Lover of steep-and-deep lines, long trails—and hot springs waiting in the distance.