Epic Mountain Resort posted "no skiing" signs all over their base Friday. Most were promptly stolen or vandalized. Creative Commons photo.
MTN. TOWN, USA — Saying conditions were never this good when skiing was still allowed, snowboarders rejoiced this week after locals-favorite Epic Mountain Resort formally banned skiing.
Although the ban has only been in effect since Wednesday, riders have been astonished at the rapidly improving conditions on-and-off trail. Epic Mountain Snowboard Patroller Luke Wallace says he's never seen the mountain look this good.
"The moguls were gone within 48 hours," Wallace told TGR. "I'm dumbfounded. For patrol, this is a big deal — we're expecting way fewer injuries now that half of our traffic aren't carving huge death mounds in the middle of every run."
Local rider and self-described shredder Jones Fourpow, 24, said he was "stoked" about the skiing ban. "It's been so sick. So deeep — just the bros — PBR — blahhhhh..."
Here at Epic, we've given this whole 'skiing thing' a fair shot.
Epic Mountain had been considering a skiing ban for the last several seasons due to trail congestion and the reoccurring mogul problem that had both locals and resort officials exasperated.
In a bluntly worded marketing statement, Epic Mountain PR specialist Elissa Taylor explained the resort's controversial ski ban.
"Here at Epic, we've given this whole 'skiing thing' a fair shot," the statement reads. "But unfortunately, it's just not working out. Families have repeatedly complained, and as such, we've been forced to tell our skiing clientele to head elsewhere — like Alta, Mad River Glen or Deer Valley."
From The Column: The Bumion
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Zac Efron's dream of becoming a pro-skier is temporarily on hold. While we don't actually have any evidence that he has (had?) aspirations of becoming a pro, who wouldn't want to ski for a living? Either way, the Wildcats' team captain is sadly laid up following an ACL tear. While in Park City for the Sundance Film Festival, Efron went on a guided-catskiing tour which ended in injury. Don't worry Zac, the TGR crew feels your pain and would like you to know that we're all in this together.
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