Pervy ski bro Tony Koekkoek displays his seductive stretching prowess before a Bikram class at SweatySteez Yoga. Sam Morse photo.
JACKSON, Wyo. — Jackson Hole residents were shocked Tuesday to learn that seasonal ski bro Tony Koekkoek, 24, had been officially banned from SweatySteez, a renowned local yoga studio.
The shameful 86'ing was called after the lecherous ginger reportedly hit on multiple instructors and students at a level III Bikram class on six consecutive occasions. SweatySteez officials confirmed that the bro made loud mating grunts and positioned himself in the rear of the class in order to check out “all the downward doggin'.”
Notorious for seeking love in public libraries, classified sections and other unconventional venues, the humiliated and publicly-shamed bro was yet unrepentant.
“It’s hard enough to find a girlfriend in a ski town,” Koekkoek told TGR in a written statement. “All those sweaty, bending bodies — the pheromones and the heat — it’s fucking intoxicating! I’m only human.”
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Although annoyed by Koekkoek, SweatySteez employees confessed being accustomed to men using their yoga sanctuary as a fertile mountain town pick-up venue.
But according to master Bikram instructor and SweatySteez owner Cheryl Santella, the ginger took it too far, making several of her female instructors uncomfortable during post-class conversation. He allegedly crossed the line during an afternoon class’ Shavasana meditation.
“He popped a boner during Shavasana,” Santella recounted in horror. “The rest of the class didn’t notice, but I did, and it made me very uncomfortable! I’ve been trying to get the image out of my head — lying on his back, pitching a tent, breathing huskily... it was terrible!!”
Despite not finding a paramour at the yoga studio, the titilated Koekkoek told TGR that he’s undaunted by failure, and will continue to put himself out there for love, intimacy, and “whatever can get me laid.”
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About The Author
stash member Sam Morse
TGR Editor-at-Large. author of The Ski Town Fairytale and creative behind The Bumion. Lover of steep-and-deep lines, long trails—and hot springs waiting in the distance.
DIGITALDEATH
May 9th, 2016
this is your life, dunffeeeeeeeee
skuff
May 11th, 2016
Sounds like Pervy Ski Bro was just trying to emulate Bikram Choudhury’s flamboyant, self-aggrandizing style to impress the ladies. Hopefully he won’t get many lawsuits filed against him like Choudhury has.