Patrol cat Sylvester Longshanx looks on menacingly as his cuter teammate get all the attention. Steamboat Instagram/Commons photos.
MTN. TOWN, USA — Saying he's not really a dick — just misunderstood — a feisty patrol puss confessed to TGR on Friday that he's had a tough time breaking into the dog-dominated ski patrol world.
In an exclusive, hard-hitting interview, 6-year-old patrol cat Sylvester Longshanx admitted that it's been an uphill battle earning the respect of his fellow rescue animals, often leading to long bouts of depression wallowing in his litter box.
Anonymous sources within the patrol team confirmed to TGR that cat/dog relations deteriorated during the 2017-2018 ski season after Longshanx bailed on a number of avalanche rescues to chase animals, lick his own butt — and even just stare judgmentally.
"They just don't get me," Longshanx told TGR while nursing a tin of extra-stanky tuna. "I know I get distracted easily, and there were a few times I bailed on rescues to chase refracting light, but can't they see I'm trying?"
The cat's K-9 colleagues mostly declined to comment on the strained working relationship, but patrol pup and perennial good boy, Buddy Friendluv, described Longshanx as "distant, aloof, unfriendly and mean."
I know I get distracted easily, and there were a few times I bailed on rescues to chase refracting light, but fuck, can't they see I'm trying?
"Every time I try to smell his butt or lick his face, I get claw-slapped," Buddy recounted, terror echoing deep in his deep puppy dog eyes. "I just want him to like me, but he always hurts my feelings..."
As of press time, reports indicated that Longshanx has been invited back to work patrol next season, but insiders confirm that senior retrievers plan to keep him on a tight leash.
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