Patrol cat Sylvester Longshanx looks on menacingly as his cuter teammate get all the attention. Steamboat Instagram/Commons photos.
MTN. TOWN, USA — Saying he's not really a dick — just misunderstood — a feisty patrol puss confessed to TGR on Friday that he's had a tough time breaking into the dog-dominated ski patrol world.
In an exclusive, hard-hitting interview, 6-year-old patrol cat Sylvester Longshanx admitted that it's been an uphill battle earning the respect of his fellow rescue animals, often leading to long bouts of depression wallowing in his litter box.
Anonymous sources within the patrol team confirmed to TGR that cat/dog relations deteriorated during the 2017-2018 ski season after Longshanx bailed on a number of avalanche rescues to chase animals, lick his own butt — and even just stare judgmentally.
"They just don't get me," Longshanx told TGR while nursing a tin of extra-stanky tuna. "I know I get distracted easily, and there were a few times I bailed on rescues to chase refracting light, but can't they see I'm trying?"
The cat's K-9 colleagues mostly declined to comment on the strained working relationship, but patrol pup and perennial good boy, Buddy Friendluv, described Longshanx as "distant, aloof, unfriendly and mean."
I know I get distracted easily, and there were a few times I bailed on rescues to chase refracting light, but fuck, can't they see I'm trying?
"Every time I try to smell his butt or lick his face, I get claw-slapped," Buddy recounted, terror echoing deep in his deep puppy dog eyes. "I just want him to like me, but he always hurts my feelings..."
As of press time, reports indicated that Longshanx has been invited back to work patrol next season, but insiders confirm that senior retrievers plan to keep him on a tight leash.
From The Column: The Bumion
MOUNTAIN TOWN, USA — A snowboarder’s morale was crushed Friday morning after discovering that his local hill’s powder snow report was completely out of touch with actual snow conditions on the ground. Promising 14 inches of “blower” off-piste and “packed powder” everywhere else, the Marmot Mountain snow report eventually convinced 31-year-old rider Sam Rooney to get out of bed and rally for early turns, despite seeing sheets of rain falling outside his low-elevation residence. RELATED:
As one might imagine, there is a lot to love in little ski bum towns. (Why else would they exist?) But what’s often forgotten when overly romanticizing the simple joys of ski bumming are the pitfalls of such a minuscule town. You will overpay for groceries, your couch will be a boarding house for freeloading friends, and on a night out your ex walk into the same bar. The small town disadvantages only intensify, and they go a little something like this: Ski town or not, people run into exes
There are a myriad of ways to get what you want, and in a ski town one’s coffers can include much more than the traditional dollar. Knowing what you’ve got, and identifying what others are bringing to the table, can go a long way toward “making it”. Below are a couple of categories in which one could be rich:1. Social Currency Are you the hot (literally) new thing? Or maybe the most fun, drunk guy at the bar? These things can get one far, but certainly not all the way, and unfortunately