Snowblading and quffing will make their Olympic debut in the 2018 Beijing Winter Games, and a possible biathlon event is also being considered.
LAUSANNE, Switzerland — The International Olympic Committee stunned the world Sunday afternoon by announcing that it will be adding snowblading and quaffing to the 2018 Winter Olympics in Beijing, China. Reactions in the snow-sports industry were mixed, with some in complete disbelief that the fringe activities were finally being taken seriously after a long history of widely being considered “things to do when you're trashed.”
The groundbreaking news was revealed by IOC president Thomas Bach during a press conference. In his comments, Bach said that by adding the new sports, the IOC is aiming to welcome a younger generation into the Olympic tent.
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“We’re thrilled that by opening up the Games to younger audiences, they may overlook the Games’ corrupt practices, negligent public health standards and policies that generally favor wealthy state and private actors over normal citizens,” Bach said.
Snowblading World Cup spokesperson Harry Jones told TGR that the international snowblading community has been waiting for this moment.
“It's our time,” Jones said. “We’ve been laughed at — we’ve been mocked. But who’s laughing now? We're stoked! Snowblading is finally on the cusp of not just being a sport people make fun of, and do when they’re wasted.”
We're stoked! Snowblading is finally on the cusp of not just being a sport people make fun of and do when they’re wasted.
Despite the enthusiasm coming from the snowblading federations, a wide plurality of quaffing teams felt that the the new inclusion would be a bad thing and that the IOC was attempting to monetize and control a by-nature chaotic sport.
“Dude, fuck that,” renowned quaffing champ Dustin “RawDog” Angel told TGR. “Those guys [the IOC] just want to ruin quaffing. They’re gonna make us follow bullshit rules — we’ll probably have to drink fucking Stella or something.”
The IOC did not comment on the controversy, but when asked what doping standards the snowbladers and quaffers would be held to, Bach, to the surprise of media outlets, deadpanned, “None.”
“We understand that these sports have historically had a proud culture of getting fucked up.” Bach explained soberly. “So to honor their integration into the Winter Olympics, we’ll be encouraging them to be as intoxicated as possible up to, during, and after competitive events.”
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About The Author
stash member Sam Morse
TGR Editor-at-Large. author of The Ski Town Fairytale and creative behind The Bumion. Lover of steep-and-deep lines, long trails—and hot springs waiting in the distance.
Mona
February 14th, 2018
It was so heart wrenching to see Pavel fall like that. I mean these people take so much to get there into Olympics, each with a passion to do their best and to be the pride for their country. Then there’s the unforeseen that strikes and your dream just perishes. ThankGod for no casualty.