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Mom Can’t Wait To ‘SEND IT’ On Cheap Rentals

The visiting mother assesses her rental skis to see if they're send-worthy. Grand Forks Herald photo.  

WANAKA, New Zealand — An American mother vacationing with her family in the Southern Alps of New Zealand pushed her cheap, shitty rental skis to their absolute max Friday morning. 

Lifties and rental techs at NZ's freeride-friendly Treble Cone Ski Area confirmed to TGR that mother of three, Mandy McSwain, 56, "absolutely crushed" her short, parabolic rentals, sending cliffs, spraying gaper Australians and outrunning ski patrol. 

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"That lady don't give a fuck!" a Treble Cone ski patroller told TGR. "Usually tourists aren't the best skiers, but that mom had heaps of talent ... she ripped, even on those rentals."

A former (retired) three-time Freeride World Tour podium finisher, the deceptively aged mom reportedly ditched her kids — and husband — early in the day so she could tear up the mountain without restriction or guilt.

"Not to be mean, but my kids and husband ... let's just say, they can't keep up," McSwain said, issuing a wink. "I haven't skied all summer, so I don't really want to spend all day waiting around for my family — that would suck."

My kids and husband ... let's just say, they can't keep up!

The 56-year-old mother reportedly shattered her rentals mid-morning while sending a backie off a 30-foot cliff to hard pack. Shaking off the ensuing yardsale, she received a lift on a patrol sled to the rental shop, where she promptly sought an upgrade to demo status. 

"I've never seen a mom send like that," the patroller attested, still in shock. "Her bindings exploded upon impact, the skis fractured. I literally saw her violently tomahawk no fewer than seven times. I would've cried like a baby, but she just got up, laughing, and asked where she could get new skis." 

From The Column: The Bumion

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