Powderhound and PDSD survivor Samuel Adams glares just before his meltdown as he watches wealthy 1%'ers load the gondola early on the way to pillaging "his" fresh tracks. Buller Rork photo.
While waiting to rip pow on Saturday, January 21, 30-year-old snowboarder Samuel Adams suffered from an acute onset of PDSD (Powder Deprivation Schizophrenic Disorder).
In what bystanders later called an “extreme episode of hysterical berserker rage,” Adams tore through the gondola lift line while yelling expletives and throwing snowboards and skis in every direction. The belligerent rampage ceased when mountain hosts managed to pin down the enraged powder hound and deliver sustained taser bursts to his neck and crotch.
According to ski area officials, Adams was then given a tranquilizing sedative and sent to a Salt Lake City mental institution, where he is currently under observation.
The belligerent rampage ceased when mountain hosts managed to pin down the enraged powder hound and deliver sustained taser bursts to his neck and crotch.
“I saw the whole thing go down,” said local ripper and TGR intern Buller Rork. “Sam was totally stoked to ride pow and was getting his kit together when everything turned south. His mood changed when the ski instructors started loading their wealthy 1% clients on the gondola early. That was the initial push that sent him over the edge.”
Already furious at the social injustice unfolding before his eyes, matters deteriorated further when — to the ire of many — the resort opened a nearby lift on time, but failed to open the gondola as promised at 9:00 a.m.
RELATED: BREAKING NEWS – Tired Ski Bum Fails To Sexually Satisfy Girlfriend
According to Rork, upon seeing the perceived loss of his powder glory, Adams began muttering to himself about not making it to the the upper lifts “before the chargers” while also adopting a weird, violent facial twitch.
“Once Sam saw people ripping virgin lines in the distance, his sanity seemed to totally slip — then all hell broke loose!” Rork recounted. “During the rampage, he totally fucked up my edges, but I hope he’s okay.”
Like many that morning, Adams had awoken early. Having slept in his outerwear the night before, Adams rolled out of bed and, after preparing a French-pressed coffee, was out the door by 6:30 a.m. Fellow commuters on the bus later confirmed that the powder-hungry Adams was acting strangely, doing and undoing his toe straps repeatedly for the entire 34-minute ride to the resort.
In a call with TGR, a Salt Lake mental hospital official confirmed that despite a Snowbird-bound escape attempt, Adams is currently in full recovery.
Doctors and medical experts familiar with the PDSD affliction have prescribed a rigorous regimen of backcountry touring and hiking.
From The Column: The Bumion
Magic Carpet Replaces Tram, Locals Are Pissed
Retired Ski Patrol Dog Seeks New Meaning, Purpose
Goat Becomes Latest Victim in Trademark Lawsuit
Mega Pass Holder Can’t Wait to Ski Your…
Whistleblower Alleges Marketing Director Shoveled…
Why I Gave Up Everything (Except My Trust Fund) to…
‘Gravity Still Pulling Down’ TGR Study Finds
Adopt a Dirtbag® Campaign Unveiled by Epic Resorts
Kid On Leash Slowly Building Need For Lifelong…
Epic Resorts Adds Everest to 2020 Ski Pass
‘Flaming Land Shark’ Discovered in Grand…
How To Talk With Your Family About Peter Pan…
Mom Says ‘F**k It,’ Reveals Kids’ Dirtbaggery at…
Ex Ski Bum Questions Point Of Career, Adulthood
NPS says “F&#k It,” renames iconic park…
TGR Uncovers Ski School Admissions Scandal
Dog Wishes Mom Would Hurry the F*** Up and Drop In…
Hot Tub Poacher Brought Down After Interstate…
Bromance Deepens During Wild Angling Mission
River Rat Spotted Bathing In Ski Town Waterway
About The Author
stash member Sam Morse
TGR Editor-at-Large. author of The Ski Town Fairytale and creative behind The Bumion. Lover of steep-and-deep lines, long trails—and hot springs waiting in the distance.
markcjr
February 12th, 2016
good lord, not even on par with the onion
cinnepa
February 14th, 2016
it’s an f’n joke, the rich always win,,,,put the money up and get 1st tracks or even worse, which has been around longer - cut the lines at the amusement parks or waterparks.
Kenny Satch
February 14th, 2016
I remember hearing a similar story but guys name was Bud Weiser or was it Mic Helob
so long ago my memory has gone to Schlitz