Ski Expressions That Need to Die… Now

Skiers have a lot of expressions, I mean, that “S*&^ Skiers Say” video went viral in a matter of minutes and as of this month it has over two million views. The success of that video not only brings light to just how many expressions we have, but also a reminds us how dumb we sound when we say them. Lots of these expressions sound stupid but actually serve a purpose, like “Is the red light beeping?” or “Powder day!” On the other hand, a lot of them don’t. And those are becoming more and more frequent, and more and more annoying. Believe it or not, this idea of over using expressions is a linguistic phenomenon.

"No friends on a powder day."

This expression is not only overused, it is also mean. Your friends are not good enough for you when it snows? I skied with my east-coast based family on a powder day this Christmas season. Can I let you in on a little secret? It was one of the best days because I got to watch the people I care about have a great time doing what I love. Beyond the fact that it is mean, what if your buddy is upside in a tree well? Now you really don’t have friends… on all the days. Who’s laughing now?

Alternatives: I like to ski alone, it gives me time to think about how selfish I am.

"Footy for the boys"

Jerry of the Day coined it. Y’all ruined it.

Alternatives: none.

“Are you going out?”

I am as guilty of saying this one as the next person. But, we are grown up people (for the most part) and we have been saying this non-sentence, sentence long enough. Though technically it is a sentence, it is a very vague one. What do you really mean? Out …. on a date? Of town? For drinks? No, out of bounds. Ohhh, of course, how could I NOT have known that, with you being so clear and everything. We have words for a reason, let’s use them.

Alternatives (or in this case, the best response): “I just wear my pack to look cool.”

Anything about wax

WHO WAXES THEIR SKIS FOR REAL, OTHER THAN SKI RACERS??? Once, I passed a guy on the cat track and he asked me what kind of a wax I used. Dude, I’m just faster than you, deal with it. Either that or you have no game.

"Dawn Patrol"

Let us break this one down together, shall we? According to my dear friend Merriam, the word 'dawn' in the way we use it here, means “the first appearance of light in the morning followed by sunrise.” So it's that little wink of time when it’s getting light, but we can’t see the sun yet. This is a window of what… an hour?

Onto the second part: patrol. Again, consulting Merriam. This is either the action, person, or persons performing “the action of traversing a district or beat or of going the rounds along a chain of guards for observation or the maintenance of security” or the act of performing this. It can also be “a subdivision of a Boy Scout troop or Girl Scout troop.”

For reals, how many people actually dawn patrol at dawn? The bigger kicker, how many of you dawn patrol to traverse and observe guards? Or maintain security? Ski patrol. That’s it. They are the only ones that can use this expression.

Alternatives: morning ski, pre-work turns, pretty much anything that doesn’t involve the word patrol.

Any forecasting talk.

We all know how important it is to sound smart. But when everyone sounds smart? Does that make you sound average? And annoying? The answer is yes.

“It’s gonna be way upside down tomorrow.”

“It’s still totally high pressure, man.”

“Like, two feet of snow is coming in from the northwest. Get some sleep tonight. Tomorrow is a pow day.”

“It’s so warm up high.”

Ya, it’s called an inversion… and let me guess, you were an economics major.

Alternatives: NOAA

"Semi-Professional skiers" 

This is not an expression that needs to die as much as a mentality that needs to die. We get it, you moved to Jackson because you are a good skier. Well, I got news for you, we are all good. And we all get free gear. The only difference between a normal person and a “semi”-pro is that the latter hashtags the people that give them the free gear. Unless you are getting paid real money, you are not pro. Putting a semi in front of it is not doing you any favors, it is just calling out your millennial addiction to social media. And if you knew the actual monetary value of funds allocated to people in this lofty position of ‘professional skier’, trust me, your dreams would die instantly. Now, I’ll race you to Sublette, it is way more fun than arranging stickers on your helmet and updating your Instagram story.