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James Poser, seen after getting evicted from his mountain town condo. Wikimedia photo.
Breckenridge, CO - Recent college graduate James Poser, who turned down a prestigious internship on Wall Street to move to Colorado and “live the ski bum dream,” told TGR reporters Friday that this season has been a “complete bust” and he wishes he could resume the burgeoning career path he abandoned.
Poser says that, “The stoke was initially pretty high.” when he shunned an internship with Goldman Sachs and instead moved west to become a ski instructor in Colorado. Unfortunately, Poser’s dreams of a Hot Dog: The Movie-esque existence were nothing but fairytales.
“I thought it would just be endless pow days and hot tub sessions,” said Poser. “I kinda feel like I’ve been lied to.”
What was supposed to be an extension of the college lifestyle quickly turned sour when Poser met his roommate—a snoring, 50-year-old slob who never left the cramped confines of the room. Undeterred in those first few months, Poser took pride in his new mountain lifestyle and relished in the fact that he was getting paid to ski everyday—even though he was stuck teaching four-year-olds on the bunny hill.
But as the holidays came and went and the big snows had yet to arrive, doubts about this decision began to creep into Poser’s mind.
“I figured December would be one of those epic months where it’s just constantly snowing, and you’re just always storm riding with your homies,” said Poser. “It snowed like, two days in December. I couldn’t even get hours at the resort. Do you know how many times I ate hot dogs and instant noodles for dinner?”
As January turned into February and Colorado’s skies stayed dry, Poser began to realize he might have made a mistake.
“I kept waiting for these all-time experiences to happen for me, because this was my year to be a ski bum,” Poser lamented. “The reality is I’ve been scratching around on shitty hard pack, can’t get any privacy, and work all the time just to keep my season’s pass.”
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The issue really came to a head when Poser’s out-of-town landlord decided to evict him so he could rent out the apartment for the month of March to a European family vacationing in the Centennial State, forcing the recent college grad to sleep in his ’95 Subaru Outback.
”I want a refund on the past six months of my life,” said Poser. “The mountain has seen like, 100 inches of snow all season. I coulda skied all this ice if I just stayed in the Northeast.”
At present, Poser said he’s attempting to convince the hiring manager at Goldman to offer him the internship again. Unfortunately, Poser’s roommate spilled bong water on his laptop, so he’s yet been unable to email the company. He said he is planning on trying to “buy a Greyhound” ticket back to New York City to beg for the internship back.
“I don’t know how these other instructors do it,” said Poser. “They run off cheap beer and minimum wage. It’s madness.”
*This is a work of satire, obviously
